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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22793872">i like you (say it back)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PewDiePie/pseuds/PewDiePie'>PewDiePie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Game Grumps</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidents, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Romance, Best Friends, Bisexual Arin Hanson, Bisexuality, Bottom Arin Hanson, Boundaries, Crying, Drinking, Drunk Driving, Egobang - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Masturbation, Negotiations, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Sex, Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Romance, Sex Toys, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, To Be Edited, Top Dan Avidan, Unrequited Love, YouTube, arin thinks about dan a lot, like a lot, lots of feelings, normal game grumps banter, not an au, suzy actually has a part in this fic, tbh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:02:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>80,849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22793872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PewDiePie/pseuds/PewDiePie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite the fact that Arin has a wife, he finds that he's fallen for his straight best friend, Dan, too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Avidan/Arin Hanson, Suzy Berhow/Arin Hanson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>song title is from "sweet tooth" - cavetown !</p><p>;</p><p>edit: there's a Russian translation written by @pinerycorner , which you can find here: https://t.co/LCD3XUSoY2 !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hi! i'd just like to start off by saying that this is only partially beta-read by myself (though i gave up because of how long this fic is) so it might not be 100% typo free. if you spot any, please let me know !</p><p>as for the title- i wanted to go with a song lyric but i couldn't find one i really liked that wasn't too long. i almost went with "i was made to fall in love with you" from a song i like or a few others, but i didn't because they're all a bit too long or don't fit, and instead i eventually chose "tell me all the ways to love you" which is a lyric from troye sivan's song, "lucky strike", but then decided on "i like you (say it back)" which is from a cavetown song called "sweet tooth".</p><p>also !! like i said, it's only partially beta-read which means it's not fully edited too !! i started editing but gave up part of the way through instead of adding a few extra scenes to make parts of it feel not-so-rushed towards the end )):</p><p>it took me about 6 months to write all of this, writing a little bit almost every night so i hope you guys like this ! i worked hard on it !</p><p>oh, and this is set before they moved offices and when matt and ryan were still editors !</p><p>this will probably be updated every day or every other day !</p><p>anyway, that's all !!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arin isn't sure when his jokes stopped being jokes and started becoming more... serious. Every "kiss me" now carries a hint of hopefulness, every teasing, flirty sentence about Dan that starts with "I want" carries some truth, and every "I love you" now has a different, more real meaning behind it than it used to. Every touch lasts longer, every look holds something more, and every word is filled with a lot more meaning than before.</p><p>When did it get like this? Since when has his heart insisted on beating too fast when Dan's around? Why is it that Arin can't stop himself from smiling so much when he sees him now, can't stop his heart from aching at the same time? Why can't he handle Dan making flirty jokes back without worrying so much about whether or not he really means it anymore?</p><p>Since when has Arin started meaning all of the shit he says now? Since when has he started thinking of Dan in a different way? And what about Suzy? He loves her, of fucking course he does and he doesn't think he could ever stop loving her, but... what if...</p><p>What if it's possible that his heart has enough room for more than just Suzy?</p><p>His mind is wandering too much, the thoughts all too distracting to be able to properly focus on anything. On screen, Mario falls right into a normally easy to avoid spike and dies immediately, causing Arin to have to start from the very beginning of the level all over again, yet he doesn't even register it right away. Dan's laughter pulls Arin out from his thoughts and he looks over to see Dan smiling widely at the screen.</p><p>"Dude, what just happened right there?" the older questions with another laugh as the level restarts and Arin begins playing again, still unable to pay attention to the game at all. "You were doing so good. Did you fuckin' forget to jump over that spike or something?"</p><p>"Nah, I'm just being a fuckin' idiot," Arin replies, meaning for it to sound like he's joking, but instead he just sounds really dejected and he can't seem to make himself force a laugh to play it off. He winces at the sound of his own voice and keeps playing even though he's sure Dan is looking at him now; he can feel the older man's eyes burning holes into his temple. Arin goes silent for a moment, but dies again immediately and huffs. "Fuck, alright, next time on Game Grumps."</p><p>He tosses the controller lightly onto the table as Dan cheerfully says goodbye into the microphone. Arin writes down the stopping time as Dan pushes his mic away from his face and sits forward to grab his drink. Arin can still feel his eyes on him, but he doesn't look over and check to make sure, even as the notepad is tossed onto the table and as he leans back into the couch.</p><p>"Hey, big cat," Dan murmurs suddenly as he slowly scoots closer to Arin, touching his shoulder gently in a comforting way. "Are you alright? I noticed things have been kinda... weird with you lately. You haven't seemed like yourself. What's up?"</p><p>Arin finds himself letting out a sigh, too afraid and too ashamed to look at Dan when he lies to him. "I'm fine," he answers, lightly patting Dan's leg to reassure him somehow, maybe also to reassure himself. "I've just been feeling tired or something, and... yeah. Anyway, I'm good. Don't worry, man."</p><p>He drags a hand over his face before he looks over at Dan and forces a smile that it seems Dan can see right through.</p><p>"Are you sure that's all that's wrong? You can tell me."</p><p>Dan's watching him carefully now, so Arin doesn't bother with lying too much again. "I guess I've just been feeling down again lately, but it's nothing to worry about," he tells him, running a hand through his own hair. It's a half-lie, of course, but it's still closer on the truth side of the scale and more believeable too. "I just... fuck, I've been thinking too much about all kinds of shit, you know? But I don't wanna talk about it. I'll try to be better about it by tomorrow."</p><p>Dan nods, deciding not to push it even though he finds himself worried that Arin's depressed again. But Dan is then scooting closer and Arin finds himself leaning into Dan's side when his hand moves so that he can wrap his arm around the younger, as if he is trying to hug him or snuggle with him. Arin lets his head rest somewhere between Dan's shoulder and chest, listening to his strong and steady heartbeat. It helps a bit.</p><p>"Well, do you wanna stop recording for today then?" Dan then asks him, and Arin shrugs his shoulders a little. He doesn't feel like playing the game if he's honest, and he's torn between wanting to be around Dan and wanting to be away from him to clear his head, but he doesn't want Dan to worry about him anymore. "We can order some food and just fuckin' hang out or do whatever you want."</p><p>Arin nods slightly, deciding. "Yeah, okay," he says, playing with one of the buttons on Dan's shirt and tracing patterns on the fabric over his flat tummy.</p><p>When they're sitting here like this, all snuggled up together, Arin's bare legs across Dan's lap with his head upon Dan's shoulder, it's hard not to imagine what it'd be like if they were really together. And suddenly, it becomes easier to understand how the joking and playful flirting turned into something more real for Arin.</p><p>Maybe in another world Dan would pepper kisses all over his face until he was giggling and smiling, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear and kissing the tip of his nose as he looks at Arin in the same way that Arin looks back at him. Maybe in another world Arin would kiss his collarbone, kiss his neck and hold onto him just a little tighter, never wanting to let go- even as he felt better. Maybe there, Dan would let him. Maybe there, Dan would want him.</p><p>But this is not another world- it's reality, and it's all Arin's got. He can't ruin it with his dumb feelings and childish fantasies, so he tucks them away for another time, shoving them into the far corners of his mind for now.</p><p>Dan grabs his phone from his pocket and unlocks it, lightly squeezing Arin's arm. "What do you want to eat, Handsome Hanson?" he inquires, eyes flickering to the younger's face as he prepares to pull up any website or call any places to order.</p><p>The corners of Arin's lips turn up a little in a smile at that. Dan doesn't miss it, grinning as he waits for an answer. "Maybe Thai?" Arin suggests with another shrug, one-handedly undoing one of Dan's buttons and then quickly putting it through the hole and back into place. "I don't fuckin' know, whatever you choose is fine."</p><p>"Thai it is then," Dan hums, ordering their usual online through a delivery service. He tosses his phone onto the cushion beside him when he's done, watching Arin draw shapes on his shirt with one finger absently. "What do you want to do, baby bear? Watch a movie?"</p><p>"I guess so," Arin replies softly. Dan untangles himself from him to move the mics and turn them off and to shut off the game, setting up something to watch even though that's not quite what this room is meant for so they don't have many dvds lying around.</p><p>Dan makes sure to grab the blanket before settling down next to Arin again. The younger wants to ask to cuddle, but he doesn't want to seem too clingy. It's just that even though it starts to hurt him, he wants to be around Dan, wants to be as close as he can without stepping over any boundries or crossing any lines.</p><p>After about twenty minutes into the movie, the food arrives so Dan goes to get it for them. Arin checks his phone in the meantime, finding a text from Suzy saying that she went home about 45 minutes ago and that she loves him and will see him soon. He sends a response as Dan walks in and sets his phone back down so that he can eat.</p><p>He eats less than maybe half of the container before he's shoving it away, not feeling up to eating. Dan looks at him, puzzled, swallowing before speaking.</p><p>"Hey, is everything okay?" he questions, but Arin doesn't answer, leaning back and pulling the blanket up higher over himself. "Are you not hungry?"</p><p>"I just don't feel like eating," the younger says truthfully, eyes on the TV. Dan sets his own food down and Arin feels bad, knowing Dan won't finish if he won't. He feels guilty all of a sudden for keeping Dan here with him, making the older man worry about him and all but it feels so wrong to lie to him, especially to his face. Arin feels like maybe he should just head home and go to sleep or something, but before he can say that, Dan's speaking again.</p><p>"Do you want snuggles from your snuggle man?" he asks Arin all of a sudden with a slight smile, opening his arms a little. Arin sighs- it's too hard to turn him down.</p><p>"Fuck, yeah dude, please," he gives in with a nod, voice quiet. He curls up half in Dan's lap and half on the couch, making sure the blanket is over both of them as they both keep their eyes on the screen. Dan relaxes and so does Arin, so much so that the younger finds himself falling asleep in Dan's arms.</p><p>"Wake up, big cat," Dan whispers at some point, gently shaking him what feels like only seconds later, but when Arin opens his eyes, he finds that the movie's long been over. He must look confused when he looks around because Dan's speaking again. "You fell asleep, but the movie just ended and I thought you'd want to go home to Suzy. Do you want me to drive you?"</p><p>Arin thinks about it and figures that if he agrees, he gets to spend just a bit longer with Dan, and he can always just ride back up to the office with Suzy tomorrow and get his car then.</p><p>He nods, so Dan once again untangles himself from Arin to shut everything down while Arin puts his hoodie on over his tank top, zipping it up. He grabs his leftover Thai food and his drink, slips on his sandals and then he and Dan are walking out of the Grump room.</p><p>It's only about 8PM or so, so some people like Ross and Brian and Jory are still lingering, working on their own things. Arin and Dan wish everybody they see goodnight as they leave the office.</p><p>The ride to Arin's house is mostly silent, but it seems to be comfortable to Dan- Arin is lost in his thoughts again as he looks out of the window though and it's hard for the older of the two not to worry. When they arrive, Dan surprises Arin with a hug.</p><p>"I'll see you tomorrow," he murmurs as he pulls back, one hand back on the wheel and the other lingering on Arin's shoulder. "I hope you feel even a little better by then at least."</p><p>"Thanks, Danny," Arin replies as he opens the passenger door, giving Dan a small smile. As he heads to the door, he hears Dan pulling away behind him. Without looking back, he goes inside, trying not to be too loud even though he knows Suzy is up.</p><p>He sets his stuff down on the kitchen's island where Suzy sits, perched on top of a barstool, working on something on her laptop. She smiles when she notices him there, but doesn't look away from her work.</p><p>"Hey babe," she greets, and only looks up from the laptop when he's leaning over to kiss her lightly on the lips. She can tell something is up with him again, so she closes her laptop lid when he makes his way to the fridge to grab the half a bottle of whatever alcohol they'd had left from the other night, Suzy's eyes flickering to it. Arin's been drinking a lot more recently, and she isn't sure why. "What's the matter, baby? Is everything alright?"</p><p>He keeps his back turns when he lies to her. "Yeah, everything's fine, I'm just tired and wanna have a drink," he tells her, trying to sound convincing. When he reaches the stairs, he turns back to look at her. "Um, I rode home with Dan by the way, so my car is still at the office. I'm gonna ride in with you tomorrow."</p><p>"Okay," she says, still feeling like something is wrong. Before she opens her laptop back up to finish her project, she looks at her husband again, worry in her tone and in her eyes. "Are you.. are you sure everything's okay?"</p><p>He fakes a smile. "Yeah, Suze, I promise. Love you."</p><p>"I love you too, sweetie. Don't drink too much tonight- we have to get up earlier tomorrow."</p><p>Unconvinced but not wanting to push him, Suzy sighs and returns to her work as Arin heads upstairs. If he doesn't want to talk, she's not going to force him. She just hopes that he's not depressed again and that if he was, he'd tell her. God, she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle it if he's depressed again and it's as bad or worse than last time.</p><p>He starts undressing before he even reaches the bathroom so that he can take a shower. The water is too hot, but he doesn't mind. He's in and out within ten minutes and heads to the bedroom to get dressed, putting on only a pair of boxers before he slips into bed, uncaring about the pillow getting wet from his hair.</p><p>He doesn't lie down right away, scrolling through his phone as he takes sips from the bottle he'd brought up with him, working towards a buzz at the very least.</p><p>It takes him a while to fall asleep after he drinks the last little bit, his thoughts too loud in the mostly dark room and his face feeling all warm and flushed, his body feeling too hot. But when he does finally doze off, it's almost like a wave of ease takes over, drowning out everything else in his head. He doesn't even stir when Suzy comes to bed a short while later. He just sleeps.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning the sunlight comes in through the window, hitting him right in the eyes. It nearly blinds him when he wakes up. His head aches.</p><p>He's not used to waking up this early. Suzy is already up though, more than likely working on something else of hers. Arin can't bring himself to leave the bed and join her for breakfast or anything- he doesn't want to leave the room at all, really, the negative emotions hitting him hard out of nowhere. It makes him just want to be alone for a while.</p><p>He fucking hates feeling like this for so many reasons. If he could just make it all stop without anyone getting hurt, he would. He fucking would. In a goddamn heartbeat.</p><p>He loves Suzy and he doesn't want to hurt her, but he thinks that maybe he loves Dan too, and that's what's fucking everything up. Being around Dan makes Arin happy, but it also makes him feel so... depressed- especially as of late. He knows that he can't have with Dan what he has with Suzy for multiple reasons, and it just so happens that that's all his stupid fucking heart wants.</p><p>He wants them both, wants to love them both and be loved by them both in every way. And maybe he's a fucking selfish, greedy bastard for it, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to give up on what he has with Suzy, but... he likes the way that Dan makes him feel too. It's like falling in love all over again and it makes him feel so jittery and excited and anxious.</p><p>But there's so many problems. So, so many, and it makes Arin feel upset all over again. There's a good chance that Suzy would never agree to a poly relationship, for one, and Dan is so straight that he would not be okay with it at all. Period. Even if he would be fine with it, jealousy could be a problem, and if not that then it'd be something else. There's always something.</p><p>And because of all of this shit going through his head lately, Arin has started going back to the way he used to be when he was depressed before. He hates it.</p><p>If only there was a way to be with them both. Arin would do anything for it.</p><p>It's almost as if Suzy can tell he's now awake because just minutes later, she's pushing the door open wider, peeking inside. "Hey honey," she says sweetly, finally stepping into the room. She comes over and sits on the edge of the bed beside his legs. "You feeling okay? We should head into the office soon. I like to be there a bit earlier than I have to as you know and I need to drive you up there."</p><p>She sees her husband's expression and the way that he doesn't move at all, and she purses her lips. "...Are you coming?"</p><p>Arin lets out a sigh, snuggling further into the blankets. "I'm not really feeling up to going in today," he tells her, honest. She searches his eyes, taking his hand in her own. "I just need a day to be alone and collect myself and my thoughts and all."</p><p>Suzy frowns slightly, but her expression seems a little sad. "I knew something was wrong," she murmurs, brushing a strand of Arin's hair out of his face. "How come you insisted that you were okay?"</p><p>"Because I am okay," he assures her to keep her from worrying, squeezing her hand tightly. She gives him a look because she doesn't believe him, but he just gives her a small smile. "At least, I will be. I'm just fuckin'... thinking a lot today, and don't think I can concentrate on anything at the office right now."</p><p>"Are you sure that's all?" she questions, knowing she's pushing it a little but she knows he doesn't mind it too much. "I don't mean to like, interrogate you or anything or be annoying about it but I know you were supposed to record the next two Power Hour videos today, and I know that it doesn't require too much concentration on your part since it's not super planned out or anything, so I know that's just an excuse and not the reason why you're not wanting to come in."</p><p>She pauses for a moment, knowing that she's right when she sees the guilt creeping up onto his face. "You... you didn't get into a fight with Dan or something, did you? You seemed upset after he dropped you off last night. So is that why you want to stay home today? Because of Danny?"</p><p>Sometimes Arin forgets that he's been with her for so long that she probably knows him better than he knows himself and can read him like an open book. She can tell when he's lying and when he's being honest, when he's being weird or not, and when she needs to say something about it. He knows that she can tell there's something bothering him now, but he also knows that she's more than likely unsure of what that might be.</p><p>Suzy may be his wife, but a lot of the time she doesn't press him for answers, trusting him and respecting his privacy enough to let him deal with the shit he wants to deal with alone, trusting him to tell her the things she needs to know and expecting the same in return from him. The only time she steps in or pesters him is when she thinks he needs her to, and when she can't just ignore it, feeling too much like something is really really wrong and that if she doesn't help him then maybe something bad will happen. Even then, she mostly is only giving gentle reminders that she knows there's something bothering him and that she's here for him. She's usually right about her feelings around it all too.</p><p>Arin realizes he's been quiet for too long. "I didn't fight with Dan," he sighs out once again, and it's the truth. He doesn't really want to be around him right now, but he's not upset with Dan, just himself for his selfish feelings. "I don't really want to talk about it. We're... we're fine though. It's not him."</p><p>It is.</p><p>Suzy lets out a sigh of her own, letting his hand go. "Okay, well whatever you say, baby," she says, standing up without giving him a kiss. He knows she's upset, but he can't tell her the truth. He doesn't want to hurt her further. Though lying to her also hurts her, and he can't avoid it. "I'll just... I guess I'll let Danny know you're not coming in today."</p><p>He doesn't say anything back and so she leaves, not quite closing the door behind her. He lies there for a while after, thinking, and then he checks his phone, scrolling through his twitter timeline for a while to distract himself. He likes a few of the fanart pieces he was tagged in, likes one of Sean's tweets and one of Suzy's videos before he gets off of the app, checking a few other things before setting his phone back onto the table.</p><p>Mochi pushes the door open a little a bit later, hopping up onto the bed and meowing. Arin wiggles his fingers until the cat slinks over so that he can pet him. Mochi curls up on Arin's stomach, purring, and then Arin's phone goes off which startles the both of them.</p><p>It's been about thirty minutes since Suzy left, so Arin can't say he's surprised to see Dan's name flashing on his screen when he picks the phone up. He hesitates before he answers, running his fingers through his hair and taking in a breath.</p><p>"Hey," Arin mumbles out into the phone first, going back to petting the cat with his free hand.</p><p>"Hey big cat," comes from the other side. Dan's tone seems a bit cautious, but he doesn't sound upset or anything so that's a good sign, Arin supposes. "I just saw Suzy. You're not coming in today? Are you okay? Still feeling down?"</p><p>Arin hates that now he's got them both all worried about him and it's not even noon yet. "Yeah, but... hey man, don't you fuckin' worry about me," he quickly utters down the line, changing his tone about half way through because he's feeling guilty and trying to reassure Dan. "I'm fine."</p><p>"But I can't help but to worry, Ar," Dan replies, sounding a bit conflicted. "I wish I could help make you feel better. I hate seeing you all fuckin' sad and shit. It makes me sad. Last time, it..." Dan pauses and takes a deep breath, "It fuckin' killed me."</p><p>Dan still doesn't know every bad thing that happened last time. If he did, it'd absolutely crush him.</p><p>Arin finds himself wanting to laugh at the irony. His feelings for Dan are part of what's making him hurt now, but all Dan wants is for him to be better. That's not Dan's fault, of course, it's Arin's, but still- it's funny in a way.</p><p>"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just... being all kinds of fuckin' dramatic. Really. It's not gonna be like last time, because I'll be okay, I promise. So you don't need to worry or be sad or anything, okay?" He pauses then also, nothing but silence floating between them for a moment. "I um... do you just want me to come up there and then we can record the Power Hours or whatever?"</p><p>"Not if you don't want to," Dan tells him honestly, exhaling. Arin can hear some shuffling on the other end of the line, as if Dan's moving around. "But if you do wanna come in, I'll come and get you and shit."</p><p>Arin nods, forgetting that Dan can't see him. "Yeah, sure- okay, I'll uh... I'll come in. Just for you, dude. So come and fuckin' get me and don't be sad over me or else I'll... I don't know, I'll beat you up or something. And I'll be ready by the time you get here."</p><p>Dan laughs, making Arin's heart flutter in his chest at the sound. There's more shuffling in the background and then there's the sound of a car door opening and then closing. "Alright, I'll be there soon, bye," the older says softly before he's hanging up.</p><p>"Bye," Arin whispers out into the air anyway, setting his phone back down on the table after. He gives Mochi a couple of light scratches on the back before he's picking up and moving the cat off of his belly, putting Mochi on the mattress beside him so that he can get up, eat and get dressed- all in that order.</p><p>He grabs his phone and heads downstairs, going right to the fridge and getting out the eggs and butter. He pulls a frying pan and spatula out of the dish-rack and turns on the burner, cracking the eggs and beating them in a bowl while he waits for the pan to get hot.</p><p>He quickly cooks up the scrambled eggs and then takes a seat at the island, looking at the google newsfeed on his phone while he eats. There's nothing really interesting here besides a couple of possible updates to a few animes he's been watching, so he gets off and sends a text to Suzy that he will be coming in after all, apologizing for making her worry.</p><p>Just as he's hitting send, the front door opens and in comes Dan, closing the door behind himself as to not let out any of the cats. Arin looks over and quickly finishes his eggs as Dan walks into the kitchen, Mimi in his arms and Otto circling his legs, nearly tripping him up as he makes his way to Arin at the island.</p><p>"I thought you said you'd be ready," Dan teases with a grin as he sets the cat down onto the floor tiles. Arin puts his plate into the sink with some water so it'll be easy to clean later and turns, running a hand through his hair and giving Dan a slightly lopsided smile.</p><p>Dan has seen him all half-naked like this before, but somehow it feels a bit different to Arin now- a bit more embarrassing or awkward or inappropriate, even though Dan doesn't seem to mind or see it as such. Arin feels exposed standing in front of him now though in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxer briefs.</p><p>"Well I was fuckin' hungry and it took some time to cook and eat the amazing eggs you just missed," the younger states simply but sassily with a shrug and Dan laughs a little, shaking his head. "If only you'd gotten here a little earlier, dude."</p><p>"Mm yeah, if only."</p><p>It feels good when Arin can just relax around Dan and have fun and say whatever he wants because it can just be played off as a joke. It feels fucking amazing.</p><p>And then later, it hurts.</p><p>Arin brushes past him and grabs his phone off of the island, checking to see if Suzy replied yet. "I would've made you some had I known you'd be here so early. They were good, bro."</p><p>"Okay, well hurry up and get dressed, you silly bitch," Dan says back and so Arin heads for the stairs, chuckling on his way. About half of the way up, his smile fades away and so does the tiny bit of happiness he was feeling, all gone in an instant. He's not sure why.</p><p>He tugs on a pair of shorts and fastens the button, making sure they're zipped and then hunts in his drawer for a shirt that somewhat matches at the very least. When he finds one, he pulls it on over his head and brushes out his hair a little with his fingers and then leaves the room, grabbing his hoodie on the way out. Mochi follows him out this time, meowing loudly for food and getting underfoot, making Arin trip over him. The cat screeches as Arin accidentally stomps on his tail and goes tumbling down the stairs.</p><p>"Fuck," Arin hisses out at the bottom of the steps, grabbing at his side and his head. Dan is right next to him in an instant, crouching down and helping him sit up quickly but carefully, trying not to hurt him.</p><p>"Jesus fucking Christ, Arin," the older of the two swears, one hand on Arin's back and the other on the shoulder further away from him to support his friend and keep him upright. "Goddammit, what the hell even happened? Are you alright?"</p><p>"The fucking cat, dude," Arin nearly snaps in pain, not angry at Dan of course but Mochi, who is now coming down the steps as if nothing happened. Arin points at him. "That fucking asshole right there, acting like he didn't do anything."</p><p>"Mochi pushed you down the stairs?" Dan asks jokingly, trying to change Arin's mood a bit but it's not very effective. He sighs, sitting down now instead of crouching. "He didn't mean it, big cat. You know that. He probably only wanted your attention."</p><p>"Yeah, I know," Arin agrees with his own sigh, calming down a little. "But it really fuckin' hurt, dude."</p><p>"Well, lemme see," Dan tells him, taking Arin's hand in his own and pulling it away from his head. There's a small but deep gash and a little bit of blood there, and Arin winces when Dan brushes his fingers around it lightly. "Hey, well... it's nothing too bad, but you might need to get a few stitches."</p><p>Arin lifts his shirt to show his ribs and there's a giant red mark there, already beginning to bruise. There's a few other places that hurt, but not as bad as these two.</p><p>Dan stands up and then leans over to help Arin to his feet. He helps out by refilling the cats' self-feeder and water bowls when Arin asks him to as the younger slips on his sandals and finds a small spare towel to put over his cut in an attempt to slow down the bleeding. They head outside and get into the car and when Dan pulls out of the driveway, he starts heading towards the hospital.</p><p>At the first red light, Dan pulls out his phone and puts it up to his ear. Arin looks at him questioningly, but his eyes widen when Dan speaks. "Hey Suzy. We're not going to be back right away- something happened." Arin can hear some chatter before Dan pipes up again. "The hospital. Arin tripped over the cat and fell down the stairs. He's probably got a fuckin' concussion or something and honestly probably should get stitches since he cut his head open."</p><p>Suzy's voice rises so much that Arin can almost hear what she's saying on the other side. She's most likely alarmed. Dan shoots Arin a wide-eyed look as he pulls the phone away from his ear a little, followed by a shrug. The traffic light changes color, so Dan takes a turn, driving down the street as he listens to Suzy.</p><p>"Do you wanna talk to him?" he suddenly asks. Arin lets out a sigh and then the phone is being passed to him. He puts it to his ear, taking a breath.</p><p>"Hey Suze," he says, chewing on his lip. Before she can speak, he continues on. "I'm fine, really. Just got a mild concussion and brusied ribs probably. And the cut on my head's not that bad or anything, Dan just wanted to make sure it didn't scar too badly, so it's only gonna be needing a couple of stitches, if any. I promise I'm okay though."</p><p>"You should be more careful, baby," she tells him with a sigh of her own. "And you can't tell me not to worry when you get hurt or anything. You're my husband, and I love you and I care about you and all I want is for things to be alright with you, you know?"</p><p>Something tells Arin that she's not just talking about him falling down the stairs, but about how he's been acting as of late. He feels guilty being around her, touching and kissing her when he's harboring feelings for his best friend too and doesn't know what to do about it besides joke around or ignore it or fucking be sad and pine over him and shit, and she notices- she has noticed, and she's making it clear with those gentle reminders. She wants him to know that she didn't just realize something was different with him only last night. Arin is pretty sure she just doesn't know what exactly his problem is though, and that's what's frustrating her.</p><p>"I know, I love you too," he nearly whispers, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath. He knows- he gets what she's really saying. He just can't talk about it all with her. "But we'll be there soon enough, okay? We're almost at the hospital." Just as he says that, the large building comes into view. "I gotta run. I'll see you in a bit."</p><p>"Alright," Suzy replies quietly, so Arin hangs up and passes the phone back to Dan, who's just pulling into a parking spot.</p><p>Arin feels dizzy when he steps out of the car and onto the asphalt and Dan rushes over to him to make sure he doesn't fall down on his ass in public. Together they walk inside and up to the counter a nurse sits behind. Normally they'd have to sign in and then wait, but because Arin is bleeding they usher him to a room right after, Dan following behind.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 03</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When it's all said and done they head towards their office, stopping for something to eat on the way. Arin feels really tired already and rests his head against the window, letting his eyes flutter shut.</p><p>"Are we still recording the Ten Minute Power Hour videos today, or...?" Dan inquires, trailing off at the end as he waits for an answer.</p><p>Without opening his eyes, Arin shrugs and then speaks. "Maybe tomorrow instead, dude," he suggests, exhaling and shifting in his seat. "I'm feeling too fuckin' tired to be on camera and keep up that energy, you know?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, definitely. I understand. I just thought I should ask."</p><p>Arin cracks open an eye and peeks over at Dan, who has his eyes glued to the road as he should. "I could probably do a Grump sesh though," he murmurs, hoping that the pain medication they gave him at the hospital will finally make his headache go away- he winces when the sun shines through the window and hits his eyes. "If you want to play whatever game we choose this time instead of me, I'm fuckin' down with that."</p><p>"Sure, sounds good," Dan agrees with a smile. "But only if you're feeling up to it, man."</p><p>Dan is too nice to him- Arin doesn't think he deserves it. "I am," he tells Dan with a slight nod. "And hey, thanks for looking out for me, dude. Like, today and yesterday and shit. I don't deserve it really, but damn do I appreciate it."</p><p>For the briefest of moments, Dan looks at him, eyes flickering in Arin's direction. "Of course, Ar. You don't need to fuckin' thank me for doing my job as your best friend. I love you, man, and I care about you. So like... if you want to talk to me about what's been fuckin' eating away at you lately, you know I'm all ears. I'm not gonna judge you or some shit. You know this."</p><p>Arin wishes it were that easy, but he can't even find it in himself to tell his wife how he's really been feeling. Besides, telling Dan what's been going on in his head lately would cause more problems than it's worth right now.</p><p>He realizes how much Dan sounds like Suzy at this very moment too, and Arin wants to laugh.</p><p>"I know, but you and Suzy both worry too much about me," he says in an attempt to dismiss it. "I'll be alright, man. I trust you of course, but this shit is something I think I need to deal with alone, you get me?"</p><p>Dan pauses for just the briefest of moments and his expression darkens before he puts on a fake smile. "Oh sure, absolutely. I don't wanna push you or anything but... I guess I'm just... letting you know that I'm here for you, Arin. Always. Just like I was last time."</p><p>Arin winces at the mention of the past. "Yeah, well the same applies to you, y'know," he then murmurs, picking at his own shirt with downcast eyes. "I've got your back, always. Whenever you need me. I... I love you, dude."</p><p>His heart pounds a little bit harder as it comes out of his mouth. It's not the first time he's said it of course, but... it's different now, and saying it makes him feel too exposed, like Dan will be able to see right through him and know exactly how he means it.</p><p>"Thanks, that means a lot," Dan replies then, parking outside of the building. Arin didn't realize how close they'd been to the office until now and he feels a bit confused and disoriented. "Wow, I didn't mean to get all fuckin' serious and shit. Sorry, man. Let me help you get inside."</p><p>Arin and Dan both open up the car doors at the same time, but Dan is out quicker, coming over to Arin's side and offering up his hand. Arin looks at it, hesitant, before he gently takes it in his own and lets Dan help him stand up, wincing at the ache in his side.</p><p>As soon as they're inside, all eyes are on them. Arin waves awkwardly as they make their way to the Grump room so that they can at least record something. He makes sure to steer clear of Suzy for now because he doesn't want her to obsess and worry over him too much when she sees him. He knows that she won't interrupt while they're recording, which is nice because he doesn't want her to have to stop what she's doing to worry about if he's hurting. And anyway, he'll see her later on to deal with all of that.</p><p>Once inside the room, Dan sets up the mics and everything and makes sure it's all working while Arin picks out a couple of games for Dan to play that they can make hopefully at least six episodes out of. The first game goes into the console and they settle onto the couch, Dan on one end with the controller and Arin on the other, wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.</p><p>On the title screen, Dan starts off the episode. "Hello everbody," he says into the mic cheerfully.</p><p>"Welcome to Game Grumps," Arin chimes in with a small smile. "Today Dan's going to be playing whatever the heck this game is because I'm really tired today, and my head hurts and I can't concentrate, so this way you're actually going to be getting some heckin' decent content instead of me just dying constantly."</p><p>Dan chuckles. "So the reason Arin's not playing is because he tripped over his cat and fell down the stairs," he adds as he presses start and creates a save file. "But don't worry, he's fine. We were in and out of the hospital in no time and other than the headache and the bruise on his side and all that, I think he's feeling okay. Right, Arin?"</p><p>"Yeah man, and it's definitely no biggie," Arin agrees, eyes on the screen when Dan starts playing. "Just expect the next few episodes that come out to be probably bad games that Dan's playing. In a couple of days, I'll be good as new, and we'll be back to all the regular things then."</p><p>"Geez, well, I hope so. It's only been like a minute into this and I'm already hating playing this game."</p><p>"Oh yeah, it's awful, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, so awful," Dan replies with a nod, laughing, and Arin can't help but to laugh too. "It's fuckin' buggy as shit. The controls are so, so bad, oh my god. I hope the other games aren't this bad."</p><p>"They might be," Arin hums mischievously, a smirk on his face. "You'll find out soon enough."</p><p>"Oh, that's lovely."</p><p>There's silence for just the shortest of moments, Arin watching Dan play. He seems to have somewhat grasped how the controls are working which is somewhat impressive. He's already gotten farther than Arin had when he played it before off camera.</p><p>"Dude, did you just fuckin' see that?" Dan asks with a big smile, clearly having fun even though the game is shitty. "I just fuckin' killed that guy that was in midair on accident. Uh... I mean on purpose. Definitely on purpose."</p><p>"Yeah man, I saw it. You're a fuckin' wizard at this shit."</p><p>"I am, aren't I?" Dan giggles. "I think I finally got the controls down a little, but it's still fuckin' garbage and ridiculously hard because of them being so goddamn wonky."</p><p>"You got further than I did," Arin admits while stifling a laugh at 'wonky', which makes Dan look over for a second with wide eyes. "By a lot."</p><p>"What, really?"</p><p>Arin nods. "Hell yeah, dude. I think I got too angry and I fuckin' rage quit. I broke the controller and everything."</p><p>"Oh my god, did you actually?"</p><p>"Yeah! Why do you think I had to buy a new one?"</p><p>Dan looks down at the controller suddenly. "I didn't even fuckin' notice that this was a new one, but now that you mention it, it does look kinda different. I guess I don't pay attention much, huh?"</p><p>"Did I not tell you before I replaced it?" Arin wonders aloud. "Maybe I didn't, now that I think about it."</p><p>"Yeah, I don't think you did."</p><p>"I don't fuckin' remember man, but I don't really care. Point is, that controller in your sweaty ass hands right now is one I bought online because I broke the last one on accident when I was raging."</p><p>"My hands aren't sweaty," Dan argues, ignoring the rest of the sentence and reaching over to touch Arin's arm as proof. "See? They're actually cold as hell and I don't know why, but they don't get sweaty, thank you very much."</p><p>"Huh, I guess they're not," Arin murmurs as Dan pulls his hand away with a grin. "Well then."</p><p>Dan mock gasps. "Aren't you going to apologize, Arin? I'm seriously offended that you would even think or say that about my nice, big hands." He says it in a serious tone, but even as the words leave his mouth, he can't keep a straight face and definitely can't hold in his laugh.</p><p>Arin snorts. "Apologize for what, Daniel? I could've said something way worse, like... I don't know. Something about how you have weird thumbs or whatever."</p><p>Dan once gasps, this time as dramatically as he can. "Arin, how dare you. Now you have two things to apologize for, so get to it. You know... that is unless you'd rather make it up to me with a nice blow- I mean lunch. I'll accept a nice lunch."</p><p>Arin rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. "Hey man, if you want me to fuckin' apologize, you're gonna have to make me," he says teasingly, voice low in an attempt to sound sexy.</p><p>Dan looks unfazed, but he's grinning still too. "Oh really, is that so?" His voice is equally as low, giving Arin shivers even though it's only part of the bit.</p><p>"Uh, yeah," Arin replies sassily, shaking his head for effect. Dan rolls his eyes but chuckles, and Arin can't help but to smile a little. "I'm not apologizing. Whatcha gonna fuckin' do about it? Punish me?"</p><p>Dan giggles and shakes his head. "Oh yeah, baby, you bet your ass I will," he tells Arin anyway in that same tone, eyes still on the TV. "Daddy's gonna fuckin'... I don't know. What's a good punishment?"</p><p>"You're asking me? 'Cause if so, I have a lot of fuckin' ways I wanna answer that." He pauses and takes a moment to consider his next words and hopes he sounds like he's joking. "How about I'll just say that you better make it good, babe, or else I'll... I don't really know, complain, probably, but a lot, and annoyingly so. And nobody wants that."</p><p>It's Dan's turn to roll his eyes. "You're not supposed to enjoy punishments," he states, but when Arin just gives him a look, he flushes. "Well, not all the time, but you know what I mean, so... Whatever, Arin! Keep looking at me like that and Daddy's gonna... I don't know, dude, I'll fuck your shit up or something."</p><p>Arin moans dramatically into the mic, and when he speaks, he tries to sound breathless. "Oh, fuck yes, Daddy's so hot and kinky, though he can't even think of a proper punishment on the spot and sticks to vague, empty threats and it's a little weird but eh, whatever works for him, I guess." He pauses and Dan's just shaking his head, grinning. "Seriously dude, what shit are you even fucking up? Just tell me to get on my knees and wrap my lips around your cock already, will ya?"</p><p>Dan's full on laughing now, nearly choking. "Oh my fuckin' god, Arin, you're being such a whore right now."</p><p>"Well? Make me suck your dick or just fuckin'... I don't know, man! Pick something, or I'll pick something for you, which wouldn't make it a punishment at all. Something like... uh, I dunno, you and me in bed, where you're pinning me down and destroying my asshole with that cock of yours or whatever you were gonna do. Seriously, Dan, oh my god. It's that simple to think of something good."</p><p>"Goddammit, Arin, don't tempt me- oh no!" Dan exclaims as his character immediately dies on screen, but he's laughing harder even as the level restarts. "Ahhh- see what you did? Wow, dude- fuck. This is all your fault, you fuckin' dirty whore. Where do you even come up with that kind of shit? Geez, can't you calm down and stop acting slutty for even a second? Or do I have to make you stop that somehow myself?"</p><p>"Oh my fucking god, Dan, just put me over your knee and do something about it!" Arin shouts loudly enough that the whole office probably heard it, getting Dan started up again with the giggle fit. Arin's laughing too, so much so that tears are forming and he's nearly squeaking. "Whoa, man, can't you see that's what I want? Punish me already, Dan, fucking hell. I'm waiting for it. My body is ready."</p><p>He's only joking, really, but at the same time, he's absolutely not.</p><p>"Well then, if you want it so fuckin' badly," Dan starts, but he's not looking at Arin at all, "Why aren't you on your knees in front of me, sucking my cock yet? It's not gonna suck itself, Ar."</p><p>"Mm, you want me to...?" Arin asks as if he's offering, though he doesn't really mean it- not yet anyway. He wiggles his eyebrows and moves like he's going to get onto the floor, but stops before he does, his fingertips brushing against Dan's thigh. "Huh? Is that what you want, Daddy?"</p><p>Dan just laughs and rolls his eyes, shoving Arin's shoulder. "Oh my god, shut the fuck up. That sounds weird coming out of your mouth and directed at me, especially when we're talking about you giving me a blowjob." Arin's fingers creep across Dan's leg again until the older moves them. "Arin, no! Get your hand away from my dick."</p><p>Arin laughs again, making Dan laugh again too. "No no no, let me do it," he says, but Dan's shaking his head and pushing Arin away even further while trying to catch his breath, and Arin's coughing from laughing too hard and his head hurts from it all. He clears his throat before he speaks again, face red from all that laughter but also from the slight embarrassment he feels. "Ah, shit. I can't breathe, man, what the fuck."</p><p>"My stomach hurts now," Dan murmurs, trying to stop the giggles. Somehow, he's still doing pretty well at the game now which is quite surprising. Arin notices that he's already on level three.</p><p>"Good, that's what you get for being mean and pushing me away," the younger sasses with a pout, crossing his arms.</p><p>"Well that's because Daddy is trying to play this stupid ass game and you're distracting as fuck, so stop making me horny."</p><p>Arin laughs, but finds his heart fluttering at that, weirdly- he's glad that he's distracting, because that's what he's trying to be. He wants Dan's attention, and he's getting it like this.</p><p>"You know, I love how you keep calling yourself 'daddy' even though some of the lovelies fuckin' hate it," he then utters with a grin. "It's so funny, oh man. I bet they hate it when I respond to it in a good way or call you that too, like I'm just adding gasoline to the dumpster fire and making things worse." Dan nods at that, grinning.</p><p>"Oh absolutely, some of them apparently really despise it I think? Sorry guys, but I can't stop doing it now that I've started- it's just too funny, really. I love you all though, so don't hate me."</p><p>Dan gets back into the game, so Arin is quiet for just a moment. He then moves from his side of the couch with a sigh, moving the mic around and adjusting it until they're both somewhat close to Dan. He then scoots over a little, laying his head in Dan's lap and putting his feet up where he was sitting before.</p><p>"Whatcha doin', Arin?" Dan questions, smiling down at him with a raised, scarred eyebrow before his eyes flicker back up to the screen. Arin's almost afraid that he shouldn't lie down like this with him, but Dan doesn't seem to mind, so neither does Arin, in that case.</p><p>"I'm getting comfy, dude," he answers simply, shifting and moving the blanket until he's warm and comfortable, watching the TV. "My head is pounding and I feel a little dizzy from laughing so much and my sides and cheeks hurt and... I just wanna fuckin' lie down. You'll just have to deal with my head resting beside your dick because the pillow is all the way over there, and I'm not moving now."</p><p>"Oh, well alrighty then, that's fine," Dan says, slightly giggling again as he speaks. He goes quiet for the briefest of moments before he accidentally walks off of a cliff at the start of level five and immediately dies. "Well, shit. I was doing so fuckin' good up until now, so thanks Arin, I blame you for making me die. Again." He gives a sigh, but he really doesn't mind. "This game and it's stupid ass controls can actually suck my dick."</p><p>Arin fake gasps. "Dan, I'm right here, geez. We just talked about this."</p><p>"What, you wanna ask to suck my dick again?" Dan laughs, and once again Arin can't stop himself from joining in on the laughter. It feels so nice. "You know I can't turn a beej down if you're offering, but damn," he jokes after, still trying to focus on the game, and Arin can't stop giggling. "You're eager tonight, huh?"</p><p>"Hell yeah," Arin utters in between laughs in what he hopes sounds like a joking way, though everything holds some truth to it now. "I'll totally suck your dick. Or you could suck mine instead. I'm fuckin' down with that too, man- but you know it's only if you want to, and I'm thinkin' you definitely want to."</p><p>"Or there could be no sucking of the dicks," Dan suggests, trying to stop giggling once again, his stomach still aching from all the laughter. "Seriously dude, what's up with you and cocksucking lately? You got something to tell me?"</p><p>Arin freezes for the briefest of moments, but then he quickly relaxes before Dan's noticed the slight shift in his mood. "Mm, only that I love you," he settles on saying, reaching up and twirling one of Dan's curls around his finger.</p><p>Dan glances down at him, smiling fondly. "Aw, and I love you, man."</p><p>Arin grins, and then, because of course he has to, he asks, "So... who's getting sucked off first, I wonder...?"</p><p>Dan loses it, once more back to laughing so hard that he's on the verge of tears. "Oh my god, Arin, shut the fuck up. Please, I'm actually begging you at this point. It hurts to laugh and I don't want to anymore."</p><p>"Whatever, Dan! And don't 'oh my god, Arin' me, I'm serious!" Arin huffs dramatically, crossing his arms and pouting like a child once again. "I'm horny and I want your stupid attention, is that too hard to understand?"</p><p>Dan is cracking up even more at that, uncontrollably so. It's so bad that he can't even focus on the game and dies again, but he doesn't even care. Arin's laughing now too, even though it makes his head and side hurt even more. Their faces are both equally red and they're both out of breath once again- it's like a never-ending cycle.</p><p>"Ah, shit dude," Dan murmurs when he finally calms down, snorting. He's still giggly, but he has to force himself to stay calm, really too tired to keep laughing even though he has the urge to still. His cheeks even ache now.</p><p>"Well, if you don't wanna suck on my dick and you don't want my mouth on yours," Arin starts, eyes flickering up to Dan's face to see how he responds when he continues, "Then can I at least get a kiss? You should kiss me."</p><p>Arin's hoping he doesn't seem too serious when that flies out of his mouth, but it's already out there and he can't take it back, so he hopes he sounded like he was only teasing. Though thinking about it now, he won't be surprised if Dan seems uncomfortable.</p><p>The older man wipes away his tears and finally resumes the game, a big, goofy grin on his face. "Mm, I think I'm alright for right now, man. Thanks for the lovely suggestion, though. Maybe later."</p><p>Arin feels a bit relieved at the response despite that he was turned down and sticks his tongue out at Dan before checking his phone. "Fuckin' meanie."</p><p>Dan chuckles. "Oh my god, what the fuck are you, five?"</p><p>"Yes!" Arin screams so loud that it makes his head throb, and then they're dissolving into laughter once again. It's ridiculous at this point, but Arin doesn't care. He's sleepy, and when he's sleepy, everything is funny.</p><p>When they finally calm down with sighs, Dan sets down his controller. "Fuck this game, it's fuckin' trash and I can't concentrate anymore because of you and just- ugh! Next time on Game Grumps."</p><p>"You don't have to play more of this," Arin tells him, and Dan sighs out again, but in relief. "You can play something else for the next episode of this session."</p><p>"Oh, thank god. Well, on that note, goodbye everyone. Daddy loves you."</p><p>"Bye," Arin utters with a choked chuckle and a cough, reaching for the notepad to write down the stop time and letting out a breath. "Whew, time for the next game."</p><p>"Hopefully that one isn't as fucking terrible as this garbage," Dan yawns, pushing the mics away so that Arin can get up to put the new game in. Arin just smirks when he walks over to the console, knowing exactly what's going into it next.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i think this is around the part i stopped editing / beta reading tbh ?? i realized that some parts i'd written needed to be toned down but idk if i did that /:</p><p>OH and by the way, im pretty sure the reason it gets pretty angsty at random (?) is because i think i would write how i was feeling, that makes sense !! sorry !!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 04</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And the next few hours are full of awful games and laughter and banter, and they're both in such great moods. Arin's thoughts have stayed away for the session thankfully, but by the end, his good mood has dissolved, the negative thoughts intruding his mind once again as they put everything away and collect their drinks and head out into the main office area, going down the hall until they're rounding the corner.</p><p>The only one still around is Suzy, and when she hears them chatting quietly and walking past the meeting room, she leaves the bar area and goes rushing over to them, catching them by the front door. She immediately examines Arin's head wordlessly, being careful and gentle when she does so. Then she lifts up part of his shirt to take a look at his bruised side, frowning at the discoloration.</p><p>"Hey," Arin greets her with a chuckle, but his face falls after a moment and so he just takes a sip from his glass of water to avoid talking as Suzy lets go of his shirt.</p><p>"Hi, babe," she says back, trying to smile. She looks so tired and stressed and so worn out. Probably because of him.</p><p>He knew that she would be waiting for him, but he wishes that she wouldn't have. He wishes she didn't worry about him in general even though he knows better than to think that she'd ever stop. He still feels bad about when he made her worry last time he felt depressed, and he can tell that she's panicking over it all over again. It completely ruins his mood even more, making him feel guilty.</p><p>Suzy stands up straight, sighing out. "Thanks for taking him to the hospital, Danny," she utters then, giving the oldest of them all a hug. When she pulls back, she plants a kiss on Arin's forehead away from the cut by his hairline, her attention back onto him. "I'm glad you're alright, baby. So, are you feeling any better than you have been emotionally? At least since this morning?"</p><p>For some reason he finds himself feeling a little upset that she asked even though he shouldn't be. Maybe it's because he doesn't feel like he's worthy of her concern right now.</p><p>"No, not fucking really- nothing is just going to magically get better in the span of a couple of fucking hours, Suze," he mutters, although it comes out a bit rough and a whole lot harsher than he intended it to, all caused by feeling guilty, feeling like he doesn't deserve either of them and that it'll be better if he goes away and doesn't bother them anymore. Maybe he doesn't deserve them with the way he's been feeling lately, with the way he's been thinking about Dan when he's supposed to be with Suzy, with the way he's been selfishly wanting them both.</p><p>Before anyone can say anything else, he just turns leaves them, heading off into his personal office and closing the door a little too loudly to be normal. Suzy looks at the door and then back to Dan. He has just done the same thing she did, looking back at her with slightly widened eyes before he frowns.</p><p>"Did something happen just now that I missed?" Suzy questions, confusion and hurt sweeping over her. "Or before you guys came out here?"</p><p>Dan shrugs with widened eyes, shaking his head as confusion washes over him as well, trying to make sense of what just occured. "I don't fuckin' know, Scuze, he really seemed fine a second ago. I don't understand what the hell just happened."</p><p>Suzy's face falls further at that. "Do you think he's upset with me?" she asks worriedly, torn between going to find out what's wrong and leaving him alone. "Because I've been fretting too much about him? I'm just... I'm worried that he's getting bad again, and- and I..."</p><p>"He's probably not upset with you," Dan tells her, but in reality he isn't sure. He doesn't have a fucking clue as to what the hell is going on in Arin's head, especially as of recently. One second, he seems okay, and then the next it feels like everything is going wrong again. But he doesn't say anything about that, giving Suzy another hug instead, this one reassuring and comforting, or at least that's what he hopes. "It's probably just something in his head. I'll tell you what though, I'll go talk to him, okay? I'll try to find out what the hell is going on with him. You go on ahead and go home."</p><p>Suzy nods when she pulls back, her eyes watering as she tries to smile at Dan but fails and quickly turns away from him, heading off outside to go home and take her mind off of the situation and leaving Dan alone in the office when she does.</p><p>Dan walks over to Arin's office door after a moment, knocking softly. The first time, he doesn't get an answer, but the second time he does, although it's a little quiet. He opens the door and steps inside, making sure to shut it behind himself. Arin sits on the couch with his head in his hands, and doesn't look up when Dan walks over to him.</p><p>"Hey, uh, what the fuck just happened, Arin?" Dan sits down beside him then, leaning back, his eyes never leaving Arin's face, or what of it that isn't covered by Arin's fingers, and what of it is visible in the dim lighting. Dan's sure that he himself looks a bit angry, because he kind of is, and he's not going to hide it.</p><p>Arin doesn't respond, and Dan's expression softens, though his tone doesn't quite match when he speaks again. "Dude, are you alright? What's wrong with you? You just fuckin' gave Suzy an attitude and walked away out of nowhere and now she thinks that you're pissed off at her and shit, so much that she was on the verge of tears. It was super fuckin' uncool of you. Honestly, I feel like it was me that did something wrong but I don't fuckin' know what."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Arin sighs finally, rubbing his eyes with his palms as he tries to think of an excuse, but all he can think of to say is the truth, and he can't be honest right now. "Everything just got... a little overwhelming, I guess, and I fuckin' needed to step away for a minute, but it wasn't your fault and it wasn't Suzy's, I just... I didn't mean for it to come out like that and I'm really fuckin' sorry. Will you please go tell her that I'm not upset with her and that I didn't mean it?"</p><p>Dan huffs and gets off of the couch. "She's probably already headed home," he replies, heading over to the door, about to go check if she's still around, but stops, figuring that she isn't. "Tell her when you get home, and please just... just fuckin' talk to her or whatever later. I know that there's something going on with you and I get that you wanna deal with it alone, dude, and I get that you probably don't want to tell me of all people, but at least... at least tell Suzy. She's your wife and she's fuckin' worried about you, man. I'm worried about you. We don't want you to get bad again when things have just gotten to be really good."</p><p>"I know, Danny, I'm sorry," Arin murmurs, wanting the subject to be dropped so desperately.</p><p>"Tonight was so good, and we had so much fun recording. I thought that maybe I was getting you to feel better. So what... what happened?"</p><p>"You did make me feel better, dude, it's just..." Arin is quiet for a moment, sighing. "I don't know..."</p><p>"Arin," Dan starts, frowning a little as he steps closer, "Are... are you really depressed again? Suzy mentioned that you've been drinking more and eating less lately and that you just seem sad all the time and she doesn't know what the fuck to do because you won't talk to her, or to anybody. And I've noticed it too, Ar. You're not like... purposely not taking care of yourself and hurting yourself again because of whatever's wrong, are you?"</p><p>Arin's head snaps up at that, and he stares at Dan with wide eyes. "Fuck, Dan... no, it's..." he trails off, breaking the eye contact. He doesn't know how to put what he really needs to say right now into words.</p><p>So maybe Dan does know after all. Arin guesses Suzy must've told him about the fact that he used to hurt himself when he was depressed last time. He wonders how Dan reacted to it when she told him.</p><p>There's a long pause; Dan is the one to break it.</p><p>"Holy shit, was falling down the stairs even an accident?" he wonders aloud right then in a whisper, sounding so, so sad and heartbroken that it almost physically hurts Arin to hear it.</p><p>"Dude, of course it was an accident," Arin says, hands shaking as he tries to find the words to explain, but even though it's the truth, to his own ears it sounds so untrue and not believeable in the slightest. "I swear. I fucking swear."</p><p>But Dan is shaking his head, not buying it. "Fucking prove it then," he demands, standing there in the middle of the room, half illuminated by the backlights on Arin's shelves with furrowed eyebrows and tears threatening to spill. Even so, Arin thinks he looks so pretty.</p><p>"Dan, just listen to me for a second and think. Why- why the fuck would I hurt myself again? Why would I do it on purpose now?"</p><p>Even as he asks though, Arin could think of a lot of stupid reasons as to why he would, and that in itself is not a good thing.</p><p>"I don't fucking know, Arin!" Dan snaps, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Maybe if you actually talked to me or to Suzy, I'd have the goddamn answers but I don't! I don't know why you'd be hurting yourself again, but if you are, then... fuck, Arin. You need to let somebody fucking help you. You can't let it get worse. It... it can't get to the point that you'd consider fucking killing yourself. I won't have that."</p><p>"It's not..." Arin starts weakly, but he doesn't even know what to say, doesn't know what to do. "It's not like that," he finishes lamely, voice quiet and hands shaking so much that when he reaches for his glass of water that's sitting awkwardly on the edge of the ottoman, he accidentally tips it over and it falls onto the floor, slightly hitting the wall on the way and shattering, getting water everywhere.</p><p>Dan's expression immediately changes and he heads over to Arin with a sigh, picking up the pieces of glass off of the now wet floor quickly and setting them on the couch cushion before sitting down on the ottoman and taking Arin's hands in his own in an attempt to get him to calm down and stop shaking.</p><p>"Hey, hey..." Dan murmurs cautiously, voice soft and so soothing. "It's alright, just... take a deep breath and try to relax, big cat. Can you do that for me? Huh?"</p><p>Arin nods, taking in a breath as he leans against Dan's chest, letting his eyes flutter shut. Dan holds him close, running his fingers through Arin's hair, rocking him gently. Neither talk for a brief moment until Dan does.</p><p>"Look," he sighs quietly then. "I don't know what's fucking you up so badly that you're acting unlike yourself a lot of the time now, but it's fuckin' scary and upsetting to see you so depressed again, especially if you're hurting yourself or considering suicide or anything like that because of it. Please don't fuckin' do that shit. Talk to me, baby, talk to Suzy. Start seeing your therapist again if you need to. I just... I want you to be alright, you know? I love you. So goddamn much. I don't wanna lose you."</p><p>And that's when Arin lets himself break, trembling a little in Dan's arms as the tears spill all over Dan's shirt. And fuck, he hates crying in front of people, but he can't seem to stop himself this time. Dan doesn't think he's ever seen Arin cry like this, and it's really a heartbreaking sight. He's gripping Dan's shirt tightly, holding onto him like a lifeline, and all Dan can do is rock him gently and whisper that it's alright, even if it isn't.</p><p>Dan wishes he could fix the problem, but he doesn't even know what it is. It kills him that Arin won't talk to him, won't even talk to his wife because it's so bad or something. Dan wishes that he knew what to do, knew how to make it all better because he would if he could. He would do anything. He hates seeing Arin like this.</p><p>When Arin calms down enough, no longer crying but still sniffling, he finally speaks. "I'm so fucking pathetic," he whispers, a dry, humorless laugh escaping him. "It's so stupid of me to cry right now. I don't know what the hell has gotten into me but... what I've been dealing with recently isn't that fucking bad that it's worth crying over."</p><p>Dan thinks he might start to finally tell him what's wrong, but Arin doesn't bother elaborating. Dan lets out another sigh, letting his chin rest against the top of Arin's head.</p><p>"Today was an accident," Arin states suddenly with a sniffle, tracing patterns on Dan's chest with his index finger. "I promise. I'm not hurting myself on purpose because this shit- how I'm feeling right now isn't so bad that it's worth doing all of that again. And as for killing myself? No, never. I- I couldn't leave you or Suzy like that. Danny, it's not that fuckin' bad, I swear and I'd just fuckin' man up and tell you if it was. I guess... truth is I'm probably just being dramatic. And if you don't believe me, I'll fuckin' show you whatever I have to as proof. You can look at all of my skin if you feel you need to."</p><p>"No no, I believe you," Dan says, because he does. He trusts Arin, and he really feels like Arin is telling him the truth right now. He pushes a piece of Arin's hair out of his eyes gently, tucking it behind his ear. "Just keep talking, babe. I'm listening, okay?"</p><p>"I'm not ready to get too into what's been going on in my head just yet," Arin begins again, getting goosebumps from how intimate this all feels, "But a small part of it is that I feel like I don't deserve you or Suzy because of how I've been thinking lately. I feel so fuckin' greedy and selfish and guilty every time either of you have to worry about me, every time I take up your time, every time I..." Arin shakes his head, stopping before he goes too far and says too much. "There's a lot of reasons as to why I feel this way, and trust me, I- I know that it's not true. I know that you both don't mind, because you both love me and you both care. I know that, I just... let my thoughts get the best of me sometimes and I start to fuckin' doubt everything like a total doof."</p><p>"I understand," Dan tells him, still holding him close. "It happens to me, too, big cat. All the time. Suzy and I only worry because we care so much, you know? You're her husband, and you're my best fuckin' friend. We both just want you to be okay. Don't feel guilty over it or selfish or whatever. You don't need to, man."</p><p>"I know, I just need to stop acting like a baby and you guys need to stop letting me. I'm... I'm really sorry for being so difficult. I really have no good excuse."</p><p>Dan hums quietly, smiling a little. "Don't sweat it, Ar. All is forgiven."</p><p>"You're too nice, dude; I really don't deserve you." Arin holds Dan's shirt just a little tighter and exhales softly, letting his eyes flutter shut. "Now all I need to do is go home and apologize to Suzy. Maybe I should talk to her about things."</p><p>Dan nods, squeezing Arin slightly, careful to avoid the bruise before releasing him so that Arin can pull away from the embrace. "You definitely should. You'll feel better, dude, I promise. It'd be good for you to get some of the major, super personal shit off of your chest. The stuff that it's completely fuckin' okay that you don't want to share with me. I'm not bothered or offended, so don't worry about that. I just hope that you know I'm always here too."</p><p>Arin smiles a little, wiping his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Thanks," he murmurs, pulling up his hair into a ponytail as Dan stands up and stretches, and Arin's eyes fall to the exposed, slightly illuminated area of Dan's tummy for only a second, but then he stands up too, with Dan's help. "I really appreciate it. I'm... I'm gonna try to stop feeling so fuckin' down about things. Maybe I'll start looking at the bright side and start feeling better."</p><p>"I'm glad, big cat, and I hope you do. I like it when you're happy."</p><p>There's something in his eyes that Arin can't place- the younger finds himself flushing, and the two leave the office together, making sure to shut down all the lights before heading outside. Arin fumbles with his keys and unlocks his car door as Dan heads over to his own.</p><p>"I'll see you tomorrow, man," Arin says softly, giving a slight wave. "Drive safe."</p><p>"You too." Dan grins at him before getting into the vehicle, starting it up and quickly pulling out and onto the road, heading off into the direction of his house. Arin does the same, heading off towards his own house in the dark.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 05</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He has time to think about things while he drives, the ride home quiet. He actually feels a bit better after that good cry and after actually listening to Dan for once. Arin knows he shouldn't be so sad over his feelings for him because there's no point. He's going to ruin things if he stays like this, and he's going to be missing out on so many wonderful moments because of it all.</p><p>Instead of being depressed because he loves Dan, Arin thinks that maybe he should try to feel better about it, try to get over it, or at least try to ignore it if he can.</p><p>But with the amount of time that Arin has to be around Dan, it won't just go away- his feelings will probably get stronger, if that's possible, and it actually kind of scares him. What if it gets to the point where he can barely stop himself from making a move? What if he says too much- something he can't take back? What if he crosses a line without realizing it? What if he does something too inappropriate, even for them? What if it gets so bad that he starts thinking of Dan whenever he gets off, if he accidentally calls out Dan's name instead of Suzy's when he's in bed with her?</p><p>And what if it just eventually becomes too obvious?</p><p>Arin doesn't know what the hell to do. He doesn't know why he feels this way. He doesn't know what Dan would probably think of him if he found out, how Dan would react, what he would say and do. What if he leaves Game Grumps and disbands Starbomb? What if he distances himself until they stop being friends? What if Dan is so disgusted, he stops talking to him and never wants to see him again?</p><p>It scares Arin to think about the possibility of losing Dan because of his stupid feelings, but he doubts it would actually happen. Dan would probably be weirded out, maybe even flattered, and he would turn Arin down and then probably distance himself for a while. And things would be awkward, but then eventually things would probably go back to normal, to an extent. The things they do now, the way they act around each other, all the jokes... it would all change. Dan wouldn't be too comfortable around Arin anymore.</p><p>Maybe Dan wouldn't be too weirded out by it though. Maybe he'd be flattered, politely turning Arin down in his own way because he doesn't share his feelings, giving any excuse he can. Maybe they'd pretend like Arin's feelings never existed for a while, and Dan's side of the playful flirting would stop. Maybe one day, the feelings would be brought up because Dan just doesn't get it, he doesn't understand, and it bothers him still. Maybe he'd ask Arin if he still felt the same, and be upset when the answer is 'yes'. Maybe Dan would get a girlfriend and then grow distant, and it'd get to the point where they never talk about Arin's feelings for him again, barely even talk anymore in general.</p><p>But in every scenario Arin can think up, it doesn't go too well. That's just because he knows Dan and knows that he wouldn't seriously be interested. He jokes about that shit, but he's never as serious as Arin sometimes is about it. And that's what really fucking hurts the most about it- there's no way Dan could ever look back at Arin the way Arin looks at him, there's no way Dan could mean things the same way Arin does.</p><p>He exhales, gripping onto the wheel tighter. He needs to stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen, all the ways shit could go wrong, all of the worst parts of the whole situation, and needs to start thinking about what the hell he's going to say to Suzy when he sees her at home. He has to apologize for starters, but he isn't sure if he should talk to her about his feelings, especially right now. He doesn't know what she'll say if he does.</p><p>Would she be okay with it or would she be upset and jealous? He doubts it would be the latter because Suzy has always been there for him and she's always been so supportive of him and his interests and everything. Maybe it would work out if he told her and maybe he'd feel better about it all. Maybe she could help him, give him advice on what the fuck to do, how to go about it, and tell him if he should give up and move on or not.</p><p>He pulls into the driveway, shutting off the car as his stomach rumbles. He sits there for a good minute or two before he gets out and heads to the door, stepping inside almost silently.</p><p>Suzy's in the kitchen, once again working on things but this time on her tablet; probably designing new stickers. She looks up from the screen when he walks in, frowning sadly as she takes notice of his red, puffy eyes.</p><p>"Hey baby," she murmurs when he sits down across from her at the island, setting down his phone and keys and resting his chin in his palm. "Is everything okay?"</p><p>"No," Arin tells her softly after a moment of silence, drawing invisible shapes with his finger on the countertop. "Everything's not okay because I was a dick to you- I fucking snapped at you for no reason and you didn't deserve that shit at all because it wasn't your fault in any way, and now you're sitting here, only worried about me and how I'm feeling when I'm doing anything but being a good husband to you, and I... I don't fucking deserve you, Suze. I really don't."</p><p>"Arin, it's-" Suzy tries as she sets down her drawing tablet and clicks off the screen to focus on him, but Arin only shakes his head, interrupting her before she can finish speaking.</p><p>"Don't say that it's okay; it's not. You should be so, so fucking pissed at me and I can't figure out why you're not."</p><p>"Because I understand, and I love you. It's not that big of a deal, baby."</p><p>Suzy looks just as saddened as Arin's feeling again. "It is to me. I'm sorry for talking to you like that. You should have hit me for it, or Dan should've done it. It's not okay and I have no good excuse. I really, really am sorry and I promise, it wasn't because of you at all. It was because of me and how I've been feeling lately. It made me feel like I had to push you away to hurt you less and I know that it makes no fuckin' sense. But I love you so much, and it won't happen again. None of it."</p><p>Suzy reaches over and takes his hand in her own, bringing it to her lips and kissing his knuckles. It's so sweet that it makes him want to smile, but he just can't bring himself to.</p><p>"I forgive you," she whispers as she lightly squeezes his fingers, a smile on her lips. "I know you didn't mean it, so stop beating yourself up over it, okay?"</p><p>Arin swallows, gently pulling his hand away from her to run a hand through his hair. "I want to talk to you," he says suddenly, unable to look her in the eyes. Her smile fades at that, and she sits up a little straighter, nodding. Arin clears his throat before he speaks again. "I have to do it now, or else I'll just fuckin' talk myself out of it again. So, um... firstly, I really, really do love you- I don't think it's possible that I could ever stop loving you, and I still want to be with you no matter what, but... I understand if you feel differently because of what I want to tell you."</p><p>Suzy can't help but to feel panicked. She doesn't even know what to expect. "Go on," she utters quietly, reaching for his hand again. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say, even if I may not like it. But whatever it is, I wouldn't leave you. I couldn't ever."</p><p>He nods, letting out a shuddering breath. Here goes nothing.</p><p>"I- fuck, how do I even say this?" He pauses for a moment, frowning. "The reason I've been so... weird lately- the reason I've been so depressed again out of nowhere, the reason I've been drinking more, and just... the reason for everything, I guess, is because I'm an idiot, and I feel selfish, and greedy, and wrong. It feels awful having to hide something like this, especially from my two best friends, and I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of feeling so trapped and alone when I shouldn't."</p><p>He speaks slowly, finding it hard to get the words out, his heart pounding away in his chest. Suzy listens carefully, trying not to interrupt him.</p><p>"And I don't want to hurt you, Suze, I really don't, but somehow I feel like I am just because of this. I need to be honest with you about it- I need to tell someone or else I'm going to end up going out of my fucking mind or something. It's eating away at me and the guilt is overwhelming. I don't even know why, because it's not like I've really done anything to feel guilty about."</p><p>Suzy holds her breath, waiting for him to come out and say it- that he's cheating on her or wants to leave her or something. That's gotta be it, right? That's what it sounds like, but...</p><p>"Tell me," she pleads softly, biting down on her lower lip hard enough to taste blood and squeezing Arin's fingers without realizing. "Arin, please, tell me. What is it?"</p><p>"I'm in love with you, but..." Arin takes a deep breath, heartbeat getting faster when he gives up and lets it come out, "I think I'm also in love with Dan."</p><p>A moment passes and neither say a word. Suzy blinks, and then she relaxes a little, exhaling and feeling slightly relieved that he isn't cheating or considering leaving after all, while Arin just sits across from her looking terrified and guilt-ridden, unable to meet her eyes. When it's been silent for too long, he speaks again.</p><p>"So um, that's why I've been so fucked up lately; I... I love you both, and I want you both and it's so selfish of me. I feel like shit for also loving him when I'm supposed to be fucking dedicated and faithful to you because you're my wife, and you're so good to me. So, so fucking good to me. Goddammit, I don't deserve you."</p><p>He pauses, wetting his lips and swallowing thickly. "I don't know how this even happened, but Suze, I'm so fucking scared of losing either of you because of it. It's so hard to deal with this alone, but I was so afraid to tell you, and I know I can't tell him, and I just didn't know what else to do or who to go to besides you after all. And right now, I just don't know what to do about anything. But please, don't be upset with me. I really can't help myself. I didn't want to feel this way but somehow it just happened. I love you, and I also love him, and it's messing me up for real. I want to just get over it or something, but I don't know how."</p><p>He finally looks her in the eyes then, and she stands up, quickly coming to the other side of the island to hug him tightly. He holds her close, and for a while they just stay like that.</p><p>When Suzy pulls away, she looks at him, cupping his cheek. "I'm not upset," she starts, kissing him lightly on the forehead, "Not in the slightest. I'm a little surprised, but I can't say that I never thought that you could possibly have feelings for him too. And you know what, Arin? I don't mind. I know that you can love more than one person at a time. You do now, and it's okay."</p><p>Arin doesn't know what to say, but he instantly feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from his chest. He lets out a sigh, resting his head against Suzy's shoulder.</p><p>"You don't know how relieved I feel right now," he whispers as she plays with his hair. "I hated keeping it from you. It fucking sucked, but I feel a little better now that it's out there. I just don't know where to go from here, what to do now. It's gonna be so hard to get over him."</p><p>"You don't have to," Suzy tells him, and he lifts his head to look at her, a puzzled expression on his face. "We could work out a deal. If anything were to ever happen between the both of you, then it would be okay; Dan can be an exception, as long as you wouldn't, like, neglect me, of course. And you'd have to give me every detail of what goes on."</p><p>God, Arin loves her so fucking much. His face lights up and he hugs her again, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.</p><p>"How did I end up with the greatest woman ever?" he asks, knowing that he really doesn't deserve her one bit. Suzy giggles, kissing the top of his head. "I'm so glad that I have you."</p><p>"Pure luck, maybe, but I'm glad I have you too, baby."</p><p>A moment of silence passes between them, but there's still one thing bothering Arin. "I just..." he starts again with a sigh, "I don't think that Dan shares my feelings at all though. You've met him obviously- he's as straight as a fucking board, and even if he weren't, just look at me. He wouldn't be into me; I'm too fat and gross."</p><p>Suzy lightly smacks his arm. "Shut the fuck up," she swears, which she doesn't do too often. "I think you're beautiful, not fat and gross, and I love every single inch of you. I bet that Dan would agree with me on this one."</p><p>"But you have to think I'm beautiful- you're married to me," Arin protests with a roll of the eyes and small smile, but Suzy shushes him, letting him go to head to the fridge.</p><p>"Not true, but anyway, just let things fall where they may, babe. You don't know how Dan feels yet, so just have some hope and don't give up. Who knows, maybe Dan is in the same position as you right now- unsure of how you feel, so just keep trying. Maybe drop hints more often, flirt more with him, you know. Do whatever you need to. People's feelings can change. And if he really, really isn't interested? Then that's when you decide to get over him, but don't just assume he isn't into you. Let him say how he feels himself."</p><p>Arin nods as Suzy pulls some food out of the fridge for the both of them. "Maybe you're right," he says, and at that she smiles.</p><p>"Of course I'm right, silly."</p><p>After they both eat, they sit down to talk for a while longer before they both do their own thing. Arin feels so much better by the time he crawls into bed sometime after midnight, so much so that he's able to fall asleep easily, his mind clear and free of negative thoughts.</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 06</h2></a>
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    <p>In the late morning Arin finally wakes up. And for the first time in weeks, he feels fucking great. He climbs out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom, making a face at the bruise on his side since he can see it better when he passes the mirror. When he's done, he gets dressed and leaves the house, heading to the office but making sure to take his time getting there.</p><p>Dan isn't here yet, but almost everyone else is. Arin spends a while talking to Ross (who's lingering outside of his office for once) about things, and then spends some time chatting with Brian and Kris and Tucker before he finally heads back and disappears into his private office for a while.</p><p>He's sure that everyone can tell that his mood has shifted a lot for the better, and it's definitely all thanks to Suzy. It's insane how good he feels just from sharing and getting it all out there, but it hasn't all gone away yet. It has just become a lot more manageable though, and Arin can breathe easier for sure.</p><p>There's a knock on the door after a while, surprising Arin a little. "Come in," he says loud enough for whoever it is to hear. The door immediately opens and in comes Dan, smiling that small, cautious smile he's been giving Arin lately- the one that Arin hates because it usually means that Dan isn't comfortable with the situation and doesn't quite know how it's going to go, so he's being hesitant about everything.</p><p>"Hey Arin," he greets as he closes the door behind him and walks forward, sitting down on the edge of the desk swiftly. "How are you feeling today, man? Did you talk to Scuze?"</p><p>Arin nods, sitting back a little in his chair as he spins it to face Dan, who's so close it makes Arin just a little nervous. "Yeah, I did," he confirms, smiling a bit. "I apologized and then I kinda just... unloaded everything onto her. I feel a lot better after getting all of that shit off of my chest, to be honest with you; you were right. But I was so fuckin' scared about what she was going to say, and yet... things worked out, I guess. She's not upset and we talked a few things out."</p><p>"Yeah?" Dan asks, seeming happier already. "That's fuckin' great, dude. I'm proud of you. Don't be afraid to talk to me too if you need to, okay? I'm always here for you, Ar. I've said it a thousand times, but it's true." Dan pauses for a moment before continuing. "Anyway, I'm just glad you're feeling better."</p><p>"Me too," Arin agrees, exhaling. "You have no idea, man. It's not all sunshine and rainbows now, but things are a bit easier to deal with now that I don't have to hide how I feel from Suzy anymore. I mean, I guess I never had to, but I was afraid, you know?"</p><p>Dan gives a nod in response, and then things are quiet for a moment. "How are you feeling physically, by the way?" he inquires, gesturing to Arin's head and side. "Probably not that much fuckin' better, huh? You fell pretty hard."</p><p>"For you," slips out of Arin's mouth without his brain giving the okay, and although it sounds flirty, it also sounds like a joke. He needs to figure out how to stop that from happening. He plays it up anyway with unnecessary eyelash-batting and eyebrow-wiggling and an over the top smirk.</p><p>"There's the silly bastard I know and love," Dan giggles, and Arin's face feels hot as he grins. There's another moment of silence until Dan speaks again. "So what do you want to do today, dude? We can always record some more if you're up to it."</p><p>Arin shrugs. "We have enough that we'll be good for a little bit," he tells the older of the two, sitting up a little more and shutting off his monitors, "But it's up to you, man. Whatever you want to do is cool with me."</p><p>"We can always record the Power Hours or something," Dan suggests. "We were supposed to do it yesterday, but you got hurt and understandably didn't feel like it anymore, so... I figured it'd be fine now since you're in a better mood."</p><p>Arin thinks about it but nods anyway. "Yeah, okay," he says, pushing his chair back so that he can stand up. "Why don't we go ahead and do it now then? I think that's what everyone seemed to be waiting around for anyway."</p><p>"Alright," Dan replies, standing up as well.</p><p>They quickly make their way out into the desk space and round up everyone they need before heading to the podcast room to start filming. Within twenty minutes or so, everything is just about ready. They're sitting at the table, idly chatting about whatever until Dan looks over at Tucker.</p><p>"Did you already start recording?" he asks, and receives a nod as a response. "Oh, well hello everyone, and welcome to the Ten Minute Power Hour! I'm Dan, and this is Arin."</p><p>He gestures to Arin, who looks awkwardly into the camera. "I'm Arin," he repeats, and then he looks at Dan, finding it hard not to smile when he lays his eyes on him. "And this is Dan."</p><p>Dan looks back at him, and Arin's heartbeat might've picked up in speed just a little from it. "That's me," Dan says then, trying not to laugh.</p><p>There's an awkward silence and then Arin, with the straightest face he can pull, just wordlessly lifts the table and lets everything that was on it fall to the floor before he drops the table and looks at Dan again.</p><p>Dan looks back at him once again and then smiles just a little, like nothing happened, and Arin smiles right back, looking him over. "So, Arin," Dan starts up to break the silence, "What are we doing today?"</p><p>Arin blinks, still not looking away from Dan. "I don't know, what are we doing today?" he questions, smile turning into an actual grin. Dan's smiling widely right back, and Arin thinks he looks so gorgeous. And for once, he doesn't feel bad for thinking it, for acknowledging it. He just feels warm and fuzzy inside, like he might melt, and it's so cheesy, and so sappy, but it feels so nice too.</p><p>"I don't know," Dan answers with a chuckle, finally looking away, but Arin can't bring himself to. "I never know. That's why I asked you."</p><p>"Well, I don't know," Arin tells him, but just as he says it, two boxes come flying at him, one hitting him in the back of the head just a bit before falling onto the floor, and the other landing on the table. "Ow, what the heck?"</p><p>"Sorry!" comes from Allie, her voice soft, and everyone in the room starts laughing.</p><p>"What the hell is in that?" Arin then questions, but he's laughing along with everyone else. "It really hurt, dude." He then looks at the box on the floor to find DIY pizza kits, shaking his head as he picks it up and drops it onto the table. "I guess we're making pizzas today, Dan! Are you excited?"</p><p>"Fuck yeah I am!" Dan exclaims a bit dramatically as he grabs the box closest to him on the table and starts to carefully open it. Meanwhile, Arin is literally ripping his box apart, but then stops suddenly.</p><p>"Wait a minute, are we cooking these in the kitchen, or...?" he asks, but then suddenly, a large box is tossed on the table, containing an easy bake oven like the one they used for another Power Hour. "Wow, okay, thanks, but this is like... hella small. Maybe we should just move this to the kitchen or something."</p><p>"Just make mini pizzas," Allie tells him, waving it off, and Arin sighs but gives in, resuming in what he was doing before- tearing open the box like a mad man. Once it's open, he pulls everything out, finding that it was a can of sauce inside the box that hit him. It makes sense.</p><p>Dan already has his open and is reading the instructions quietly before he does so aloud. "Okay, so we need water first," he says, looking over at Arin. "I think bowls too, I don't know. Probably would be a good idea to get some, right? And what about the temperature of the easy bake oven? Wouldn't it be different from a regular oven? We should adjust the time, don't you think?"</p><p>Arin gives Dan a look, and there's just a beat of silence. "Danny, I love you but I'm an idiot and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or how to make this shit properly, so please don't ask me for help."</p><p>Dan gives a bubbly laugh, and it's the sweetest sound ever. "Alright, okay," he responds, and then they're being handed bowls and water. "Nice, so now I just gotta fuckin' mix this dough together in the bowl and let it sit, I think, and then I'll be good to go."</p><p>The next hour or so is spent putting together and baking the pizzas. It's a very, very messy process, and of course Arin just has to eat some raw dough because it's there and he just has to ask Dan if he wants to kiss him when he's all covered in pizza shit, half-hoping he will even though it'd be doughy and gross.</p><p>And when the pizzas are finished, they give them a taste and everyone, including Arin, decides that Dan's is the better tasting one even though they both kind of taste like shit. Afterwards, they clean themselves and everything up and start recording the next one, where they're making friendship bracelets using a kit for young girls. Arin puts a little bit more effort than he usually would into making his for Dan, and at the end, they give the bracelets they made to each other.</p><p>It's ridiculous, but when Dan gives the one he made to Arin, he puts it on and doesn't take it off for the rest of the day.</p><p>Suzy is still around at the end of the night, when they're both ready to go home. Arin kisses her hello, but then hears her ask to talk to Dan alone. Not knowing what that's about, he leaves the building anyway, not going to listen or be annoying about it- just giving them privacy.</p><p>Once he's outside, Dan turns to Suzy. "What's up, Scuze?" he asks her, and she shifts from one foot to the other, almost as if she's nervous.</p><p>"So, I have a favor to ask you," she begins, holding onto her coat a little bit tighter as he observes her curiously. "Um, Arin doesn't know yet, so don't mention this to him, but I'm going away to my sister's for a few days or so, and I don't want to drag Arin along so I'm just leaving him here. But you know how he gets when he is left alone, so I was wondering if you would mind coming and staying at my house to keep him company until I get back."</p><p>Dan takes a minute to process all of this information. "Yeah, sure," he agrees with a bright smile, which also makes her smile. "When are you leaving?"</p><p>Suzy purses her lips. "Maybe tomorrow or the day after," she answers, shrugging afterwards. "I haven't decided yet, but it's one of the two. I can text you and let you know when I'm leaving for sure."</p><p>Dan nods his head. "Alright, cool, that works."</p><p>Suzy's smile gets wider, and she leans in to hug him. "Thanks, Danny," she mumbles against his shoulder before pulling away. "I'm sure you two will have fun hanging out."</p><p>"Oh, absolutely."</p><p>The two make their way to the door, but Suzy stops again before they're outside. "Oh," she starts once more, stopping Dan in his tracks, "Crap, that means I won't be here when he needs to get his stitches removed. Would you mind taking him instead?"</p><p>"Yeah, I can take him," Dan tells her with a smile and another nod for reassurance. "Don't worry, Scuze."</p><p>She sighs in relief before she opens the door and they head out into the parking lot where Arin is waiting for them, leaning against his car.</p><p>Suzy kisses him on the cheek before she speaks. "I'll see you at home, baby," she says softly, walking over to her car. "Bye, Danny!" She waves in Dan's direction before slipping inside the vehicle and turning it on, heading home.</p><p>Arin watches her car disappear from his sight down the road and he sucks in a breath. "Well, I guess I should go home then," he murmurs, pushing off of the car before he stretches and yawns. "I'm a little tired, honestly."</p><p>"Me too," Dan agrees, fishing his keys out of his pocket.</p><p>"There's not much for us to do at the office tomorrow, or this week really," Arin hums, almost wanting to add 'but could I see you anyway?', although he can't bring himself to, not wanting to sound clingy and needy.</p><p>"You'll still probably see me anyway," Dan laughs with a shrug of his shoulders as if he could read minds, wondering which day Suzy will choose to be leaving on for sure. He misses the way Arin flushes, but doesn't miss his smile.</p><p>"Alright, well..." Arin pauses, opening his car door slowly as he tries to procrastinate, "Anyway. Goodnight, Danny. Drive safe."</p><p>"Goodnight, Ar."</p><p>With that, they both go their separate ways home.</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 07</h2></a>
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    <p>When Arin arrives at his house, he can tell that Suzy just got in herself. And when he gets inside he sees that she's just starting to put together a salad for them to eat for dinner. Arin comes up behind her and kisses her cheek before he heads to the fridge to get a flavored water, ignoring the alcohol bottle that sits on the shelf beside it.</p><p>It's quiet for a while, with Suzy quietly humming something to herself while Arin takes long and slow sips until he can't help himself any longer, finally opening his mouth to speak.</p><p>"Suze, can I ask what you were talking to Dan about?"</p><p>Suzy simply smiles, but doesn't turn away from the cutting board, dicing up a tomato and adding it into the mixture of lettuce, carrots, onions and cucumbers. "You can, but whether or not I tell you is another story." Arin groans, taking a seat at the island, and then Suzy finally looks over at him. "Trust me, baby, it wasn't anything bad. Nothing for you to worry about, okay?"</p><p>"But I wanna know," he groans again, leaning over the countertop and closing his eyes with a sigh. "Were you talking to him about me?"</p><p>"In a way, yes," she answers with a cute giggle, resuming what she was doing before. "Look, if you really want to know, I'm planning on going to visit my sister, Jean, and I asked Danny if he would stay here and keep you company until I come back. I figured that you two could spend some time together, and maybe it'll be long enough for you to try and figure out how he feels."</p><p>Arin lifts his head and turns to look at her, perking up. "Really?"</p><p>She nods, turning her head to show her smile. "Yeah. So make the most of it, okay?"</p><p>"I will," he tells her, unable to keep the corners of his lips from quirking up into a small smile of his own. He lets his head rest against his arms again until Suzy's finished with the food, placing an empty plate in front of him so that he can get some from the bowl. As he gets up, he looks at her when she sits down. "So when are you leaving?"</p><p>"I told Dan either tomorrow or the day after," she utters around a mouthful of salad, "But I've decided that it'll definitely be tomorrow. I bought the ticket already, and I have to be at the airport by 10:15 in the morning. After I finish eating, I'm gonna text Dan and let him know."</p><p>Arin sits down across from her, nodding. "Okay. Do you want me to wake up early and drive you there?"</p><p>She shrugs as he digs into his salad. "If you want to, but I know that you like to get your sleep so I mean... I can always take an Uber or a taxi or whatever. Either way, I'm fine."</p><p>"I can take you," Arin insists, reaching across the island for her hand. He goes quiet for a moment, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "And thank you, Suze. I'm gonna miss you like hell while you're gone. But you know, if you're just doing this for me, then... you don't have to go. I don't wanna fuckin' make you feel any type of way, you know?"</p><p>"I know," she says simply. "I'm gonna miss you too, baby, but I promise I won't be gone for longer than a week, tops. And anyway, this was my idea, and not because of anything you said or did. I just want you to have some extended time alone with Danny and this way, I can give it to you. Besides, I miss Jean anyway. I already told her that I'll be coming to visit, and she's excited. I'm excited. So don't feel bad or anything, okay?"</p><p>She lets go of his hand to finish her food when he nods, and he quietly goes back to his own food as well.</p><p>And later, when she goes to bed, he goes with her, holding her tightly until they both fall asleep. When he wakes up to the sound of the alarm a few hours later, she's already gone from the bed and he can hear the shower running. The clock says it's 9:17 in the morning, so he forces himself to get out of bed and get dressed before he heads downstairs to make breakfast.</p><p>Suzy comes down about ten minutes later, all ready to go even though they don't have to leave yet. They quickly eat the eggs that Arin made and then he helps her get her suitcase into the backseat so that they can leave.</p><p>The ride isn't too quiet or anything, but comfortable. He listens as she spews ideas and suggestions on what he should do while she's away, and what he could do with Dan for the next week. She reminds him to make sure he buys groceries and feeds the cats, and reminds him that if he needs her for anything, he can call. Always.</p><p>"And god forbid if things go wrong with Danny or something," she starts, looking over at him as they pull into the parking lot and try to find somewhere to park that isn't too far away, "Just call me and I'll come home right away if you need me to. But hopefully, it won't come to that. I hope things go well, and you have to tell me ASAP if anything happens."</p><p>When they park, she unbuckles her seatbelt. "Oh, and I told Dan that he can head to the house by eleven or twelve or so if he wants to, but he might still be asleep right now."</p><p>Arin gives a nod as they step out of the car, and he reaches into the backseat to grab her suitcase for her. "Yeah, more than likely he won't show up until late," he says with a chuckle.</p><p>Suzy giggles. "True. But if that's the case, you can take a nap or something in the meantime."</p><p>Arin smiles as Suzy shuts the car door.</p><p>"Oh yeah, anyway, so I'll call you either as soon as I land or as soon as I get to my sister's house to check in and see how things are going," she adds as they walk to the main building. "And you can call me at any time."</p><p>"Alright, just be safe," he replies, pushing and holding the door open for her so she can head inside, following her after.</p><p>And once she's ready to get on the plane, he hugs and kisses her goodbye, and wishes her a well trip and a well week. She does the same for him, giving him a bright smile. She turns with a wave and leaves him alone to go and board the plane, and he misses her as soon as she's out of sight.</p><p>He leaves the airport then, getting into the car and making the drive back home, putting on music as a distraction. He doesn't know why, but he doesn't feel that confident about how things are gonna go without her around to help him, without being able to talk to her without bothering her at her sister's, and it's all ruining his mood.</p><p>It's only Dan though- Arin doesn't understand why he's so anxious. Maybe he's just feeling afraid of being alone with Dan for that long, and the possibility of accidentally acting on his feelings, terrified that if he does, everything will be fucked, because it most certainly would be.</p><p>He doesn't want that. Arin just wants to spend time with Dan, maybe test the waters a little and see how he feels, but he doesn't want to try anything too major and stupid and risky. At least not while Suzy is gone, just in case things go bad and Dan leaves. But Arin doesn't want her to feel like she has to come home the minute things go wrong, if it happens, so avoiding things that could make it happen would be the best idea, he supposes.</p><p>Arin feels a little calmer when he gets to the house, but the anxiety he's feeling is still eating away at him. It's 10:42 by the time he gets in the door and settles down on the couch, kicking his shoes off as he turns on the TV to watch while he waits for Dan to come over. It takes his mind off of things for a while.</p><p>He almost doesn't hear the door open nearly an hour later. His heart starts pounding as he tries to stay calm but fails, feeling an odd mixture of nervousness and excitement bubbling up inside of him. Dan's here, and he's going to be here all week. With Arin. Alone.</p><p>Arin looks over when he hears the footsteps getting closer to find Dan, coming to a stop in the walkway with a grin plastered on his face. His duffle bag is slung lazily over his shoulder, and he sets it on top of one of the barstools at the island.</p><p>"Hey Ar," he greets with a wave as he bends down and takes off his shoes, tucking them out of the way.</p><p>"Hey Danny," Arin replies as Dan moves and plops down next to him on the middle seat on the couch. "I know Suzy said she told you to come by around now, but for some reason I thought you wouldn't be here until way fuckin' later or something."</p><p>"Nah, I wanted to be here when she asked me to be." Dan yawns and relaxes into the couch a little more, leaving Arin with next to no room to move, but he actually doesn't mind much. Even before this crush, or whatever it is, he never minded Dan being too close. "So what are you watching? Anything interesting?"</p><p>Arin shrugs, stretching his legs out over Dan's lap. "I honestly don't fuckin' know, dude, just whatever is on, really. I think I kinda zoned out after I turned on the TV."</p><p>Dan hums as Mimi jumps up onto the couch, climbing onto Arin's legs and kneading them. Dan chuckles, running his fingers through the cat's fur until Mimi starts purring.</p><p>"Ah, Mimi- claws," Arin huffs, spreading his legs a little so that the cat falls off of and between them, landing on Dan's lap. Like this, Arin's leg is actually pinning Dan's upper body to the couch just a little, but if it bothers him, Dan doesn't mention anything about it.</p><p>Eventually, Mimi curls up there and goes to sleep. Dan smiles even though he's trapped between Arin, the cat and the couch, and for a little bit, things are just quiet- the only sound being the TV. Dan looks over at the younger man after a while.</p><p>"So," he begins, curls bouncing as he moves his head, "What do you wanna like... I don't know, what do you wanna have for lunch or for dinner later? What do you wanna do? I'm here all week, so we have lots of time to do some shit."</p><p>Arin exhales softly, trying to think of something as he lets his head fall back. "I wanna get high," he says eventually with a quiet laugh, but he's only half-joking. He does feel like getting high because it'd probably calm him down just a little, but at the same time, he feels like he should stay clear-headed. Besides, the smoke always bothers him and eating it fucks him up too much.</p><p>Dan whistles. "I haven't smoked in years," he states, but Arin already knows this. He lifts his head to look at Dan's face.</p><p>"If you smoked now, would you like... get addicted again?" Arin wonders, but Dan only shrugs, going back to petting the cat. "Because I actually have some weed that was given to me recently, but sometimes it's too harsh on my throat, so... it might go to waste if I have to smoke it all alone and shit, you know what I mean?"</p><p>"Oh yeah I gotcha, and I mean... I probably wouldn't get addicted again, but you never know." He smiles a little, focusing on Arin now instead of Mimi. "Why? Do you want me to smoke with you?"</p><p>"If you want to," Arin murmurs, a devilish smile of his own playing about on his lips. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to, because you can obviously say no."</p><p>After a moment, Dan nods. "Alright, I'll do it, but just this once," he sighs with a smile and taps Arin's knee, so the younger moves his legs off of Dan and gets up off of the couch to go get the weed from upstairs.</p><p>There's only a little bit, which Arin passes to Dan in a bag so that he can roll it up for them- Dan obviously knows what he's doing with weed, unlike Arin who barely knows a thing. Mimi is forced to move when Dan needs his lap back so he moves her, and Arin easily slides back onto the couch with the lighter in hand, changing the channel while he waits on Dan to finish.</p><p>Arin passes the lighter and Dan lights up the blunt and takes the first hit, coughing his head off immediately after. Arin unconsciously touches his shoulder until the coughing fit passes. After the second hit, he hands the blunt over to Arin, who lets his legs stretch out over Dan's once again.</p><p>"You okay?" Arin questions, hand still resting on the older's shoulder.</p><p>"Just not used to it anymore," Dan tells him, which he understands. He takes the next hit then, and just like Dan he's coughing hard into the crook of his arm until his face is bright red. "Oh my god, you look like a tomato."</p><p>Arin laughs in between the coughs and passes the blunt back until he can catch his breath. It's a bit easier for Dan now, and it's such a familiar feeling. He feels like he did back when he was in college all those years ago. It's all so nostalgic in a way.</p><p>Arin just watches as the older man exhales the smoke into the air. Dan looks gorgeous like this, as he always does, but for some reason Arin just can't make himself stop staring right now, as if he's in some sort of trance. Dan's always so mesmerizing, but holy shit does Arin think he looks extra sexy like this.</p><p>"Do you wanna fuckin' try something?" Dan suddenly asks him, and Arin blinks, hoping he wasn't caught watching him. "It's... a little weird I guess, might be considered a little gay probably, but it's nothing too bad or anything and we've probably done gayer shit. Besides, man, I feel comfortable enough with you to do it."</p><p>"Uh, sure," Arin replies hesitantly after a moment, swallowing as his face heats up. He feels weirdly excited. "What is it, dude?"</p><p>Dan flushes a little too as he speaks again. "It's called 'shotgunning', or it could also be called a 'shotgun kiss'. You've probably heard of it."</p><p>Arin smirks just a little, biting his lip. "Aw, Danny, you wanna kiss me?" he jokes, knowing better than to think that Dan ever would, but unable to stop his heart from beating so damn hard and fast at the thought. Arin moves his hand so it's on his chest, resting over his unsteady heart as if to say that he's flattered. "How sweet. I'd love to kiss you."</p><p>"Oh my god, Arin," Dan giggles, lightly shoving Arin's shoulder. "Like... I mean, the lips don't always touch. Sometimes they do, but for like couples and shit. For us they wouldn't."</p><p>"But we're a couple!" Arin argues with a laugh. He can't say he's surprised that Dan doesn't want to kiss him. Disappointed? Yes, a little, but definitely not surprised. Dan looks at Arin oddly until he continues with, "A couple of fuckin' morons, that is."</p><p>Dan rolls his eyes, but he's laughing a little too. "Well, that's for sure, dude," he replies, taking another hit from the blunt. Arin is quiet for a moment.</p><p>"Anyway, alright then," he says eventually as he straightens up, not letting his smile fall despite the aching in his chest. "So we'll just save the kissing for another time. Now, explain it to me, man. What do I do? What's gonna happen, Daniel? Daniel Avidaniel-"</p><p>"All I'm gonna do is take another hit," Dan starts simply with a chuckle, "But when I blow out the smoke, you'll inhale it. Sound okay? Might be easier for you to take in too maybe, but I dunno for sure."</p><p>"Okay," Arin agrees without hesitating, shifting a little closer to Dan. "So I just breathe in the smoke when you breathe out? That's it?"</p><p>"Yeah, dude, it's that simple."</p><p>"Oh, okay then. Cool, let's do it, bro. Hit it."</p><p>Dan nods and takes the hit finally, holding it in for a moment before he's leaning in a bit too close for Arin, who's feeling both anxious and excited. Dan taps his bottom lip gently until the younger of the two lets his mouth open just a little, and then Dan's breathing out, exhaling the smoke and letting Arin breathe it in.</p><p>They're so, so close that Arin almost kisses him- wants to so bad. And at that thought, he nearly chokes on the smoke and can't meet Dan's eyes until he pulls back a little, and then Arin's exhaling that smoke into the air with a soft sigh. Things are quiet for a moment as he stares at Dan, and Dan's looking back at him with an expression that Arin can't quite place. It makes him feel warm deep inside.</p><p>"Whoa," he murmurs eventually as he blinks, surprised, so much so that he doesn't think about what he says next. "That was... actually intimate as fuck. You know what I mean?"</p><p>Dan winces just a little, flushing as he looks away. "Yeah," he mutters back, "Um, shit, now that I think about it, it was kinda weird for me to ask you to do that, right? Sorry, man, I didn't... I didn't mean for it to be like that."</p><p>Arin frowns just a little. "Nah, dude, don't be sorry," he tells him, lightly touching his shoulder. "I didn't like... mean it in a bad way or anything. I'm fine with it honestly, it was just sort of fuckin' unexpected in a way, you know? Like... whoa. It's not that weird though. I've done a lot of weirder things, trust me."</p><p>Dan nods again, lip between his teeth as he passes the blunt, but Arin thinks that the older man doesn't feel reassured. It makes Arin feel anxious, even as Dan speaks again. "Alright," he says, and his bright smile is returning in an instant as if nothing happened, "Well, at least you got to try it. It's kinda cool, right?"</p><p>Arin nods in response, a smile on his face as well despite the anxiety creeping up inside of him.</p><p>They end up putting out the blunt before it's completely finished, and they both aren't all that high or anything, but Arin does feel a lot more mellow than earlier. He lets his head fall back against the couch before his eyes once again fall upon Dan, who's watching the TV, looking slightly out of it but content at the same time. Relaxed, mostly, and happy.</p><p>And fuck, he looks so goddamn beautiful. Arin wants to touch him, be close to him, wants to hold him in his arms and kiss him breathless. Maybe if Arin was drunk right now he would have the courage to, but he's glad that he isn't. Besides, he doesn't want to be drunk the time he may get to kiss Dan. He doesn't want to be high for that either. If it ever happens, he wants it to happen sober, with his head clear so that there'd be no misunderstandings and it would be obvious that he meant it.</p><p>He lets his head fall against Dan's shoulder then. "I'm fuckin' hungry, dude," he groans as he changes the channel on the TV with the remote. Dan chuckles a little, trying to look over but unable to see Arin's face.</p><p>"What do you wanna eat?" the older of the two asks, his hands warm where they rest on top of Arin's legs in his lap. Arin shrugs, so Dan hums. "Well what do you have, silly goose?"</p><p>"I don't know, I gotta go grocery shopping in a minute," Arin tells him, but he doesn't actually want to move right now. "You're gonna come with me, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure," Dan replies cheerfully, and Arin groans again as he forces himself to move off of Dan so that they can get up and head out.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 08</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He slips on his sandals and grabs his keys, and Dan takes a moment to put his sneakers back on before following Arin out of the house. He hops into the passenger seat, and as soon as Arin starts the car, Dan's hand is reaching for the radio to adjust the volume.</p><p>They listen to music on the way, and Arin can't stop himself from grinning like a giant doof when Dan starts singing along loudly, getting very into it. Arin joins in, because why the hell not, and some people in the other cars stare at them when they have to stop at the red light. The both of them don't care and don't worry about the others though, singing along anyway even if they're forgetting some of the lyrics.</p><p>They find a parking spot at the grocery store and get out of the car, heading inside the building with big, dumb smiles on their faces, giggling away at nothing. They get a few looks, but neither Arin nor Dan pay any attention to anyone else.</p><p>Arin decides to push the cart and Dan stands on top of the bar jutting out a little on the end, just like a little kid would, letting the younger man push him around. He giggles a little when Arin starts messing with him, and once again, Arin can't keep a grin off of his face; Dan is just too cute like this. It's making Arin feel so many things.</p><p>Dan always makes him feel like this, and it feels great.</p><p>Suzy had made Arin a list of things to grab while they were here, so he reaches into his pocket, fishing it out and unfolding it. "Okay, so first thing's first," he murmurs, eyes scanning the list as he pushes the cart (and Dan) forward. "We need to get cat food, flavored water, soda, yogurt, milk, eggs, things to eat for dinner for the next few nights, and a couple of other things like fuckin' snacks and whatever. What do you want to have tonight?"</p><p>Dan seems to think it over. "We could just get take-out tonight and then get the other shit for tomorrow," he suggests with a shrug, hopping off of the cart when Arin rolls it to a stop in front of the produce. The younger of the two nods and looks over the food before he looks at Dan.</p><p>"How about chicken parm for tomorrow or something?" he asks, leaning into the cart. "Neither of us can really cook for shit so we'll probably be eating out a lot this week, but I can make chicken parm at least one night. Sound good?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure, sounds good," Dan replies with a bright smile, so with another nod from Arin they move along away from the produce, heading towards the dairy section nearby to get what they need there before getting lost for a while in the snack aisle.</p><p>It takes them about an hour before they're checking out with everything they came here for (and more) and then they're leaving the store. They load the groceries in and head back to Arin's house, listening to more music on the way back, their highs finally wearing off just a little.</p><p>Not much else happens for the rest of the day; they order chinese food for dinner, play some video games just to pass some time, and then they finally watch a couple of movies that they end up passing out together on the couch to around four in the morning, with Dan's head resting on Arin's shoulder and the cats both on them and near them.</p><p>They wake up at some point at least an hour later with stiff necks and decide to actually climb into bed. Arin shuts down everything and Dan sleepily makes his way up the stairs, heading into the guest bedroom across from the bathroom to change and then pass out. Arin follows after him, standing in the doorway to say goodnight.</p><p>His eyes flicker to where Dan stands in the middle of the bedroom, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it onto the floor after, not caring about where it lands. Arin swallows thickly, feeling breathless as he lets his eyes wander and linger on Dan's exposed skin until he hears Dan working on taking off his belt.</p><p>He reluctantly tears his eyes away, clearing his throat. "Hey, goodnight dude," he says, hoping that Dan thinks he sounds weird only because he's tired. The older of the two turns slightly, giving Arin a cute, sleepy smile. "I'll uh- I'll see you whenever we get up, yeah?"</p><p>"Mhm," Dan mumbles with a little chuckle, stretching and yawning. Arin can't even look at him right now without feeling weird. He's holding his breath, his lip between his teeth, trying to calm down as Dan speaks. "Goodnight, Ar. Sleep well."</p><p>"Yeah, you too, Danny," he replies with his own smile before he leaves the doorway, heading to his own bedroom only right nearby.</p><p>He doesn't bother turning on the light, but he's already wide awake again as he strips down to his underwear to sleep. He crawls into the bed that feels so big and empty without Suzy, and knowing that she won't be coming to bed with him makes him feel so impossibly lonely.</p><p>He can't sleep now even though he feels exhausted. Part of him wants to go into the other room and climb into bed next to Dan, but he isn't sure if that's okay to do or not. Dan probably wouldn't mind; he knows how Arin gets when he's alone.</p><p>It hasn't been long since they've parted for bed, but Arin still makes sure he's quiet anyway as he throws on a shirt at least, heading out of his room and down the short hallway until he's stopped in front of the slightly opened door to the guest bedroom. It's dark for the most part, but the sun's starting to rise and it's lighting up the room just a little bit.</p><p>Arin carefully pushes the door open a little wider and slips inside, footsteps quiet on the carpeted floor of the guest bedroom as he slowly makes his way over to the decent sized bed Dan's occupying. The older man seems to be sound asleep already, and Arin finds himself smiling, unsure if he really wants to wake him.</p><p>Though once Arin's actually beside the bed, he's leaning over just a little to reach out and gently touch Dan's arm. He gives him a light shake, and then another until Dan stirs and his head pops up from under the blankets, his eyes squinting up at Arin.</p><p>"Danny?" the younger man whispers, his heart pounding so hard that it almost actually hurts. He wonders if Dan can feel his heartbeat through his fingertips or not.</p><p>Dan seems to get that there's something wrong and he sits up a little. "What's the matter, big cat?" he asks, but it comes out a bit slurred, his voice thick with sleep. "Is... is everything okay?"</p><p>"I need snuggles, dude," is all he says before Dan's opening his arms wide and Arin's climbing into the bed and under the covers like a child would after waking up from a nightmare.</p><p>He lies close to Dan, his forehead resting against the older's chest and his arms tucked safely between the both of them. "I can't fuckin' sleep knowing that Suzy won't be coming to bed," he finally admits with a soft sigh, and Dan nods in understanding, his own arms wrapped around Arin tightly.</p><p>"I understand, big cat," he tells the younger man sleepily, stroking his shoulder. "Just try to sleep now so you're not so tired when we wake up, okay?"</p><p>"Okay, it's just hard," Arin murmurs in response, letting his eyes flutter shut anyway. Dan gives him a gentle squeeze before releasing him just a little, his large hands resting on Arin's back.</p><p>"Do you want me to sing to you?" Dan questions in a whisper, brushing Arin's hair out of his face as Arin's eyes open and flicker up to him as if he doesn't understand. Dan gives a small shrug and a shy smile. "I don't know, it might help you fall asleep."</p><p>"Like a lullaby?" Arin asks him with a small quirk of the lips, almost as if he wants to snort and ask if Dan's being serious, but he isn't trying to be rude because Dan really is trying to help him.</p><p>"Sure," Dan says sleepily with a genuine smile. Arin goes quiet, but he nods and so Dan thinks it over for a bit before he finds a song that he can sing. Arin doesn't quite recognize it once Dan does start singing quietly, but in spite of that, it does help anyway. Dan's voice is quiet and soothing, and as he sings he looks down at Arin, running his fingers through the younger's hair as if he's trying to put him in a trance. The older man doesn't seem to realize he's doing it, but Arin doesn't mind, and his eyes get heavier and heavier.</p><p>Dan sings another song for him, and Arin isn't sure if it's his calming voice or the hair stroking, but he gets really relaxed and really tired. Within no time, he finally falls asleep to the sound of Dan breathing beside him and the sound of his soft voice filling the room as Dan plays with his hair, comforted by it all, but mostly by Dan's presence in general.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 09</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Arin wakes up, he's alone. He feels a little bit confused at first, but then remembers that he left his own room in favor of sleeping in bed with Dan. Who isn't here. Which is weird.</p><p>With a frown, Arin slips out of bed, noticing Mochi at the foot. He rubs the cat's head with a smile before he pads out of the room and heads downstairs. There, in the living room, he finds Dan watching TV and drinking some of Suzy's coffee out of one of Arin's mugs for tea. He doesn't mind though, because it's Dan.</p><p>"When did you wake up, dude?" Arin finally questions, drawing Dan's attention. The older looks over at the younger with a small smile that makes Arin feel weak in the knees like he's a little school girl with a crush. "Why didn't you wake me?"</p><p>"I only just got up maybe a half an hour ago," Dan answers before he takes a sip from the mug. Arin takes a seat beside him, relaxing into the comfortable sofa. "I didn't wake you up because I thought you'd need the sleep."</p><p>Arin's eyes drift to his phone on the table. He picks it up and checks the time- it's almost 2PM. He has a few texts from Suzy, so he replies to those and then sets his phone back down, his attention back to Dan.</p><p>"Did you sleep well?" Dan asks him, setting the mug down onto the table and lowering the volume on the TV.</p><p>Arin shrugs. "Yeah, I think so," he says, running a hand through his hair. He finally sighs, picking up his phone again. "I know we don't really have to go into the office much, but we should maybe record a few more episodes today and get it out of the way, and then we can just fuckin' chill out or whatever, you know? I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't do anything all day for the rest of the week."</p><p>Dan nods. "Alright. Did you have a specific game in mind, or?"</p><p>Arin shakes his head. "Not really, I just feel like we should get something else recorded though. Maybe we can play some dumb multiplayer game or something."</p><p>"Yeah, sure," Dan agrees, but then he stops to think. "Oh, shit, you have to get your stitches removed today at like five or six I think Suzy reminded me. Do you wanna record a couple of episodes and then head to the hospital, or... what do you wanna do, dude?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, I already fuckin' forgot," Arin utters, reaching up to touch the area on his head, but Dan smacks his hand away before his fingertips even reach his own skin.</p><p>"Leave it alone, silly bastard," Dan tells the younger man with a chuckle, making Arin grin at him. "Anyway, it's all up to you, but we do have to go today."</p><p>Arin groans, letting his head fall against Dan's shoulder. "I guess we can just get something to eat and hang out here or whatever you wanna do. We can fuckin' play a game or watch a movie or whatever you want, man."</p><p>"It doesn't matter to me," Dan says simply as he checks his own phone and reaches forward for his mug full of coffee, taking a sip. Arin's eyes focus on his adam's apple and the way it bobs when he swallows.</p><p>"Fuck," he swears aloud without meaning to, and Dan looks down at him, confusion written all over his face.</p><p>"What?" he questions, eyes scanning Arin's face. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Arin flushes, shaking his head with a shy smile of embarrassment as he looks anywhere else. "It's nothing, I'm just... really not looking forward to getting the stitches out. You know. When we get back, I'm not even gonna want to cook or anything like I'd planned to."</p><p>Dan nods in understanding, setting his phone down on the seat cushion next to him. "We can have the chicken parm tomorrow then, how about that? And tonight we'll just eat whatever you want and watch Speed Racer if you want to. I know it's your favorite."</p><p>Arin can't help but to let his smile turn into a grin. "Yeah, okay, that's cool with me."</p><p>So for the next few hours they just watch TV and play some multiplayer games together until they have to leave for the hospital. Arin heads up to his bedroom to put on some shorts and a cleaner shirt, tying his hair back with a black elastic ponytail holder before he goes back downstairs where Dan waits for him by the front door, swinging his keys around his finger.</p><p>Dan will be the one driving this time, so they take his car there instead. Arin texts Suzy to give her an update on things as he and Dan discuss their dinner plans. Neither are really feeling up to having chinese food again, so Dan suggests getting sandwiches from the place near the hospital, and Arin agrees because he has no alternative ideas.</p><p>At the hospital, they end up having to wait in the waiting room for a while. Dan gets on the phone to chat with Brian while Arin scrolls through his twitter timeline and ends up chatting with Ross in a thread on one of Ross's tweets from this morning.</p><p>After Ross stops replying, Arin gets bored and takes a sneaky photo of Dan that ends up being really fucking cute, so he uploads it to his personal instagram that he hardly ever uses anymore. He makes sure to tag Dan in the photo as he captions it with something dumb, like "I see you, Daniel" and then the eyes emoji. Because he can.</p><p>Dan is still speaking quietly on the phone with Brian, so he doesn't see the photo yet. Suzy replies to Arin's text at this point too, asking how things are going. He explains that they're still waiting to be seen, and just as he sends it, his name is called. He gently taps Dan's arm, gesturing to the lady at the desk before he stands up and fixes his shirt.</p><p>"I gotta go, Bri," Dan says as he stands as well, following Arin over to the desk. "I'll talk to you later."</p><p>With that, he hangs up and tucks his phone into his pocket, even as it alerts him with a vibration or two that he has notifications. They go back with a nurse to one of the rooms, where they sit and have to wait for another twenty minutes, probably.</p><p>Arin sits on the edge of the examination table while they wait and Dan finally checks his phone, smiling and shaking his head when he sees the picture. He decides to take one of Arin as revenge and post it on his own account with a similar caption, and then he pockets his phone. Just as Arin reaches for his phone to check it, the doctor comes inside the room.</p><p>It's an annoying process mostly for Arin, but the stitches are out and they pretty much leave right after that. He checks his phone on the way to the sandwich shop, grinning at the photo as he leaves a comment behind on the post about how Dan should've waited until after he got the stitches removed to take the photo.</p><p>He texts Suzy again before he puts his phone away and looks out of the window, letting his mind wander. Dan lets him know when they've arrived at the shop, and together, they head inside to order something to bring home for dinner.</p><p>On the way back to Arin's house, Dan asks the younger of the two how he's feeling and makes sure he still wants to watch a movie, but not without letting him know that it's okay if he doesn't want to. Arin sighs, biting down on his lower lip- Dan's so thoughtful, and that's a big reason why Arin loves him so much. He's one of the nicest people Arin has ever met, and he's so glad to have him around. Honestly, he isn't sure what he'd even do without Dan.</p><p>Arin doesn't want to think about it because he doesn't want to lose Dan. That's really what's holding him back; Arin could be more flirty, he could make a move, but he's so fucking scared to. Every time he even thinks of considering it - purposely saying too much and confessing everything, asking Dan how he feels about him, maybe even kissing Dan - he starts panicking.</p><p>But it's what he wants. Arin wants to spill everything and get it all out, he wants to kiss Dan with everything in him, wants to say that he loves Dan and know that the older of the two gets what he really means when he does. He wants to hold Dan close and not be afraid that it's too weird, he wants to say how he feels and not be afraid that it's too much. He's just afraid of the consequences.</p><p>Though he knows that he could be missing out on a lot and just doesn't know it because he's too afraid to try, because what if Dan feels the same? Arin thinks back to what Suzy said about the possibility of Dan having feelings, but not knowing what they really are or what to do with them. Maybe he's stuck too, afraid to ruin things and lose his friend, lose his job, and many other things as well.</p><p>Arin doubts that's actually the case, but he doesn't know for sure. Maybe Dan just isn't sure how to feel because all he's ever known is loving women and wanting to be with them, and Arin obviously isn't a woman.</p><p>And it's not like Dan isn't okay with anyone being gay or anything- after all, he's made it clear in his own way that he doesn't mind that Arin is bisexual. Though Arin hasn't explicitly said that he's bi to anyone (except for the time he had that "I think I might be" conversation with Suzy), he's made it quite obvious in his own way and everyone pretty much gets it and has no problems with it, as far as he knows, anyway.</p><p>But more than likely, Suzy is wrong and Dan isn't hiding feelings, because Arin knows him so well and it's clear as day that he is straight. He jokes and he plays along, because he's secure with himself and his sexuality and because it's all fun and games if nobody is getting hurt by it.</p><p>(Except Arin kind of is in a way, but he doesn't mind; he knows that Dan doesn't mean it, that if Dan knew how he felt, the jokes would all stop.)</p><p>Arin takes a deep, shaky breath as he closes his eyes, trying to stop thinking about it all. Thinking makes him feel panicked and anxious and all fucked up, and he wants to avoid that. He decides then that what he's going to do is just... go with the flow. If the moment is right, maybe he'll make a move, but if that moment never comes, then maybe he won't. He'll deal with it as it comes instead of worrying about it all right now and trying to make a decision on the spot.</p><p>When he opens his eyes, it's because Dan is talking to him and shutting off the car because they're already back at Arin's house.</p><p>"Do you wanna watch the movie while we eat?" Dan is asking as he opens the car door and steps out. Arin steps out as well, and he turns to reply but he suddenly freezes; the last lingering rays of light from the setting sun hit Dan's dark eyes in just the most beautiful way when Arin's briefly meet them. His heartbeat picks up in speed, pounding against his ribcage, and the sight of Dan bathed in gold leaves Arin feeling absolutely breathless.</p><p>And fuck, is he in love with Dan.</p><p>"Arin?"</p><p>"Oh, shit, um... yeah," the younger stutters eventually as Dan looks at him expectantly. He reluctantly tears his eyes away, smiling just a little. Dan seems satisfied with that, nodding and closing the car door, carrying the sandwiches as they head towards the house. Arin follows behind him, trying to slow his heartbeat a little with deep breaths on the way from the car to the front porch.</p><p>Dan sets the food down on the island while Arin looks for his copy of Speed Racer. He puts it in and sits down before Dan passes him his sandwich and sits beside him. As the previews come on, Dan looks over at him.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" he asks him as he takes off his shoes and pushes them under the coffee table. "You seem a little spaced out. Is everything okay?"</p><p>Dan seems worried, giving Arin that look again. "Everything's fine," Arin tells him, picking up the remote to fast forward to the main menu, "I'm just fuckin' thinkin' about things, but it's not anything bad."</p><p>Dan is quiet for a moment, his eyes not quite meeting Arin's when he speaks. "Ar, you're not like... starting to feel down again because Suzy isn't around, are you?" he worries, but Arin is immediately shaking his head.</p><p>"No, no, man, I promise," he insists, wanting to take Dan's hand in his own like he does when he's trying to reassure Suzy. He finds himself reaching for it despite himself, his fingers interlocking with Dan's. His hand is so warm and soft, and Arin can't help but to stare at the way they fit together. "I've felt a lot better since I told her what was going on in my head, and you being around really helps too. I fuckin' miss her, of course, but I'm okay; I have you here with me."</p><p>He lets his eyes flutter up to Dan's face then. The older man is looking at their joined hands, expressionless, so once again, despite everything inside of himself that is screaming warnings at him to not do it, Arin lifts their hands and presses his lips against Dan's knuckles, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.</p><p>His heart is pounding again, his breath caught in his throat as he looks up at Dan. Before Arin can see his reaction, Dan is smiling and giggling and pulling his hand away. Arin feels dumbstruck, blinking stupidly as his face turns bright pink. He isn't sure if what he just did was okay or not, and the way Dan is reacting is too confusing.</p><p>"Silly bastard," Dan says with a grin, grabbing onto his own shirt tightly as if he doesn't know what to do with himself or his hands. Arin's lips part, but Dan continues on, "Well, at least you're okay, big cat. Sometimes you just really fuckin' make me worry about you, dude. So like, you know, I just had to be sure. But yeah! I'm here with you, so don't feel down, okay?"</p><p>"Okay, and yeah, I get that," Arin murmurs with a nod, his throat feeling dry when he clears it and his face too hot. He takes a sip of his drink, and notices that Dan is wiping his hand on his jeans, chuckling a little.</p><p>"Man, your palm was so sweaty," he comments before he reaches for his own drink.</p><p>"Mom's spaghetti," Arin replies nonchalantly, making Dan nearly choke on his drink and spit it out at the same time from laughing. "Holy shit, dude, don't let it come out your nose. I've had that happen before and I bet you have too, and it's not fuckin' fun."</p><p>"Well Jesus Christ, Arin, don't make me laugh while shit is in my mouth!" Dan exclaims, grinning widely. Arin wants to comment on that and make a suggestive joke, but he stops himself short, snorting instead of speaking. "What?"</p><p>"Nothing, nothing," he answers too quickly, but as soon as he looks over at Dan, he starts laughing, so much so that he starts getting squeaky and it makes Dan laugh too. When they both finally calm down, Arin stares at the TV where Speed Racer is waiting to be played, a giant grin on his face and his cheeks pink and aching. When he looks over, he finds Dan watching him, a similar expression on his own face.</p><p>"What?" it's his turn to ask.</p><p>Dan shakes his head. "I love it when you're happy," he says simply, a fondness flickering within his eyes and lingering there long enough for Arin to see. The younger man doesn't know how to respond to that, the emotions he sees briefly in Dan's eyes so overwhelming to him that he swears it stops his heart. It makes him feel hopeful, willing to try.</p><p>And the moment's gone before it was ever really there. Dan's attention goes to his food as he takes the remote and presses play on the movie, so Arin decides that he might as well eat too while it's still fresh. He has a hard time concentrating on the movie, the way Dan said those words and the way he looked at him all playing in a loop in Arin's head.</p><p>Maybe it's worth a shot to see how Dan feels and test the waters a little more. It's risky and Arin has a lot of shit to lose, but it could be worth it all in the end if things go well.</p><p>Arin weirdly feels tired by the time the movie ends, but despite that, he forces himself to stay awake a little longer to watch another movie with Dan since it's only a bit after 9PM. He can feel his eyes getting heavier though, so he rests his head on Dan's shoulder, cuddling up close to him as he struggles to keep his eyes open and on the TV.</p><p>The next thing he knows, Dan is shaking him awake gently. His eyes flutter open and dart around, stopping when he sees that Dan is still beside him. He sits up with a yawn, rubbing his eyes a little before he looks over at Dan.</p><p>"It's almost midnight," the older man starts as Arin reaches for his phone, "Do you wanna go to bed, or do you wanna stay up and like, I don't know. Maybe play a game or something? Either is fine with me though."</p><p>"I don't know why I'm so tired," Arin murmurs as he pulls the blanket tighter around himself, "But I might be able to wake myself up for a game or something. If I go to sleep now, then I'll be up too early."</p><p>Dan shakes his head with a chuckle. "Alright then, what do you wanna play?" he inquires, getting up off of the couch to get both controllers.</p><p>"Whatever you want, man, you can pick," Arin replies as he texts Suzy goodnight and tells her that he loves and misses her. Dan sits back down then and hands Arin one of the controllers as the console starts up. The game that Dan starts is one of the newer Mario games. Arin isn't that fond of the newer ones, but he'll play it without complaints as long as Dan is happy.</p><p>They play for about two or three hours somehow and only quit because Arin can't stop yawning which is fucking him up and making him lose all his lives. They shut down the console and all of the lights downstairs before they head to the second floor. Dan flicks on the light in the guest bedroom, but Arin lingers in the hallway, unsure if he's welcome to come in to sleep again.</p><p>"Are you coming to sleep in here again, or...?" Dan questions after a moment, his voice soft when he speaks. Arin finally looks into the room where Dan is sitting half dressed under the covers, his eyes on Arin as he waits. The younger man flushes, supposing he is welcome after all. Dan doesn't seem to mind or think of it the same way Arin does though, so that could be why.</p><p>"Yeah if that's okay, just let me change first," Arin answers with a small smile before he makes his way over to his and Suzy's bedroom. He leaves the plush throw blanket on the bed and then strips down into his boxer briefs, finding a comfortable, baggy long sleeved shirt to put on so that Dan doesn't feel weird with him sleeping how he normally does- barely dressed.</p><p>He feels something brush up against his leg and he looks down to find Mochi trying to get his attention. Arin chuckles and leans down, picking the cat up and giving him a kiss on the head before he leaves the room and heads back to the guest bedroom with the cat in his arms.</p><p>Dan is leaning against the headboard when Arin comes in, the soft glow of the lamp washing over him and highlighting parts of his hair and skin. His bare chest is exposed, but the rest of him is covered by the sheet and blanket. His hands are together in his lap as he looks up at a painting on the wall closest to him while he waits for Arin, his eyes half-lidded. He looks sleepy, but really, really sexy.</p><p>Arin bites down on his lip and averts his gaze as his bare feet move across the floor silently. He sets Mochi down at the foot of the bed and runs a hand through his hair as Dan finally looks over and away from the painting, finally noticing him.</p><p>"Hey," the older says at first, leaning forward to pet Mochi who is kneading the blankets. Arin doesn't know if Dan's talking to him or the cat, but then the older man's eyes flicker up to look Arin over briefly and he smiles. "Hah, I remember that shirt. It's an old one, right? I guess you lost a lot of weight, huh big cat? You're pretty much fuckin' swimming in it now. It looks super duper comfy, dude."</p><p>"Oh yeah," Arin utters in response before he looks down at himself, slightly lifting his shirt so that Dan can actually see how much thinner he actually is. "I've been dieting and eating better and shit, you know. I guess it's paying off, yeah?"</p><p>He looks back up at Dan to find him nodding enthusiastically, giving Arin a sleepy smile. "Oh, absolutely, you look really good," he states, and the compliment is so genuine and nice that Arin can't stop himself from grinning bashfully, and he's sure Dan can tell he's both flattered and embarrassed. "That bruise looks like it's getting better too. That's really nice- I'm glad."</p><p>"Yeah, and thanks, man," Arin responds before he moves closer. Dan scoots over to make more room for him, so Arin sits down and then shuts off the lamp, slipping under the covers and lying so that he's facing Dan, who also moves down until he's flat on his back.</p><p>"Mhm," he hums back as Arin shifts a little closer, his head almost resting on Dan's shoulder as he curls up close to him. His bent knees bump against Dan's leg, and Mochi comes up and lies down in the empty space between Dan's thigh and Arin's pelvis, right where they're not touching. Arin reaches down and scratches him lightly on the head until he's purring loudly, and Dan giggles. "Aw, he's a cutie."</p><p>It's quiet for a long time after that. Dan's breathing has become even, and Arin finds himself lifting his head a little to look at his face. Honestly, Arin wants to kiss him so badly that it's hard not to. He ignores it the best he can though, at least... he will for now. The time isn't right despite it feeling like it could be.</p><p>"Danny?" he finds himself whispering before he has the chance to think it all through. Maybe he can just say this at least.</p><p>"Hm?" is the soft, half-asleep response he receives.</p><p>"I um..." he starts awkwardly, taking a deep breath, "Thanks for letting me sleep in here with you again tonight. I feel weirdly lonely without Suzy around and you've fuckin' helped me a lot, so uh... yeah, dude. I... I love you, and... I appreciate it."</p><p>"Aw, I love you too, big cat, and you don't have to thank me," Dan murmurs, voice a tad slurred from sleep. He turns his head a little to look over at Arin in the darkness, and their fingers brush against each other. "I can tell that you're thinking too much again, and you shouldn't be. Just clear your mind and try to get some rest, baby."</p><p>Arin wants Dan to lean forward and kiss his forehead, hold him close and let him lay his head on Dan's chest as they snuggle, but it won't happen. Arin just nods wordlessly, letting his head fall against the pillow.</p><p>"Goodnight," he utters softly.</p><p>"Night night," Dan yawns back.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arin wakes up before Dan does. He sits up gently, slipping out of the bed and trying not to wake the older man. He notices that all of the cats occupy the bed as well, and he shakes his head with a smile. He grabs his phone off of the nightstand, checking the time. It's already noon, so he might as well stay up.</p><p>Before he leaves for the bathroom, Arin takes a picture of Dan and the cats and sends it to Suzy, making sure to be quiet on his way out so that he doesn't disturb any of them.</p><p>In the bathroom, he brushes his teeth, uses the toilet and then strips down for a shower. He starts with a cold one because it usually wakes him up, but he eventually gives in with a sigh and switches the hot water on, basking in the warmth as it cascades over his skin.</p><p>When he gets out, he wraps a towel around himself before grabbing his phone and dirty clothes and heading to his bedroom. He dries off, gets dressed, checks twitter, and heads downstairs.</p><p>It's weirdly quiet in the house with Dan still asleep. Arin goes and checks the mail before he settles himself down on the couch as he hears his phone go off with a reply from Suzy. He smiles at the screen when he sees it and lets her know how things are going. She asks if he's made any progress with Dan, but truthfully he hasn't even tried and he admits that to her. She warns him that if he doesn't at least try to figure out something, she's going to kick his ass. He laughs when he reads it and tells her that he would willingly let her.</p><p>He feels bored after she stops answering, probably getting busy, so he decides to put on the TV. There's nothing that interests him on right now, so instead he just decides to text Ross and Brian and see what they're up to, if they're busy, asking if they want to come over to hang out and have lunch with him and Dan and maybe go somewhere. Brian replies with a "sure, be there soon", and Ross with a "you're up already? lmao" before he agrees to come as well.</p><p>Arin also texts and invites Matt and Ryan, though he doesn't hear back from them right away. He wishes he could ask Sean to come, but he doesn't think he's still in the area, although he might be. In any case, Arin gets up in the meantime and starts the coffee for Dan and then heads upstairs to wake him. He steps into the room quietly and makes his way to the edge of the bed, giving the older man a gentle shake or two.</p><p>"Hey, Danny, wake up," he says, shaking him a little harder. Dan groans and tries to roll over and ignore him. Arin laughs. "Wake up, ya doof. We're gonna have company so get your butt up and get dressed."</p><p>"I don't wanna," Dan whines, but it's muffled by the blankets. Arin's phone chimes, and he checks it to see that Matt has replied at least, saying that they'll be over in about an hour. He shakes Dan again. "Noooo..."</p><p>"Ross, Brian, Matt and Ryan are all coming for lunch and to hang out, so get up, Avidan. Don't make me tickle you or something, because you know I fuckin' will, dude."</p><p>Dan sighs and rolls back over, blinking up at Arin with sleepy eyes and a cute smile. "Fine, fine, I'll get up," he utters back in defeat. Arin shakes his head at him and backs away as Dan sits up in the bed, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"</p><p>"A little after noon," Arin answers, turning on his screen and texting Sean to ask if he's gone back home yet or not. "Everyone is coming to eat and hang out and maybe we'll go somewhere, play mini golf or go bowling or do karaoke or something, I don't fuckin' know yet. I'm gonna make a salad for lunch before they get here if you wanna help me cut some shit up."</p><p>"Mm, fun," Dan chuckles, stretching before pushing away the blankets. Arin forgot that he's barely dressed and his eyes immediately lock onto Dan's showing skin. He flushes before he looks away and back at his phone. "Do you mind grabbing something out of my duffle bag for me to put on?"</p><p>"Sure," Arin replies, trying to sound distracted with other things even though he isn't. He pockets his phone and walks over to where the duffle bag sits on the floor, unzipping it and pulling out a random shirt and a pair of Dan's jeans. He tosses them to Dan, who catches them and stands up. "I'm gonna leave you to get dressed, but by the way- dude, you know you can use the shower, right?"</p><p>Dan giggles a little, his wild mess of curls bouncing as he bends down to step into his jeans. "What the hell are you trying to say, Arin? That I smell or something? Well fine then, fuck you. That's mean."</p><p>Arin laughs, leaning against the wall. "I'm just saying," he hums as he shrugs, crossing his arms. "I do still have a shower. You still can use it. That's why it's there, man. I'm just letting you know in case you might want to, I don't know, not smell."</p><p>Dan rolls his eyes and purses his lips, fingers stopping before he can fully button up his jeans. "I might actually take you up on the offer," he says, flinging his shirt over his shoulder. "There's still towels in the cabinet, right? Behind the bathroom door?" Arin nods, and so does Dan. "Alright, cool, I'll be downstairs in a few minutes."</p><p>He disappears into the bathroom, so Arin heads downstairs to make the salad. He chops up most of the veggies and cooks up the chicken first. His phone buzzes in his pocket as he dices up the tomato, startling him. The knife slips and accidentally jabs into the palm of his hand, slicing part of it and drawing blood.</p><p>"Goddammit, son of a fucking bitch," he swears loudly, reaching for his phone. The text is from Sean, letting him know that he's still around but will be leaving tomorrow morning to go back to Brighton. Arin one-handedly texts him and asks if he wants to hang out and have lunch with everyone, probably making too many typos but hoping that his auto-correct fixes them all.</p><p>With the text sent, he heads upstairs, stopping in front of the bathroom door to knock lightly. He doesn't get a response, so he knocks again but harder.</p><p>"Yeah?" he hears Dan call out from the shower, but the noise mostly drowns him out. "Arin?"</p><p>Arin opens the door a crack. "Hey, can I come in?" he asks, but before Dan replies, he pushes the door further open. "Sorry man, I didn't know if you could hear me or not."</p><p>Dan's head pops out from behind the curtain. "What do you need?" he questions as Arin opens up the medicine cabinet, rooting through and looking for the bandaids. "Is everything okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, I just accidentally cut myself because my phone scared the shit out of me," he grumbles, sighing once he finds the bandaids. He closes the medicine cabinet and meets Dan's eyes briefly in the reflection of the foggy mirror. "Don't worry, it's not that bad. Suze and I don't keep our first aid stuff in the downstairs bathroom though, so I'm sorry for fuckin' barging in and shit."</p><p>"Arin, I swear to god," Dan starts as he disappears back behind the curtain, sounding almost disappointed in him, "If I have to take you to the hospital again and explain it all to Suzy, I'm standing back and letting her kick your ass this time."</p><p>"She's already gonna kick my ass at this rate," Arin mumbles, shaking his head. Dan doesn't hear it, the sound of the shower drowning out Arin's voice. The younger clears his throat and speaks louder when he talks next. "I don't need to go to the hospital."</p><p>"Lemme see it," Dan utters as he looks out from behind the shower curtain once again. Arin steps closer, uncurling his fingers and looking down at his hand. There's a smallish cut there by his thumb, but it must be pretty deep since blood is gushing everywhere. "Jesus Christ, Arin, what the fuck?"</p><p>Dan reaches out and takes Arin's hand into his own, looking and trying to see how deep it is. The younger of the two winces and tries to pull his hand away as Dan's finger touches too close to it, but the older man doesn't let him.</p><p>"It's not really that bad, right?" Arin asks him even as a drop or two of blood fall to the tiles. "It's just bleeding a lot, but I've dealt with worse so it'll be fine with just a fuckin' bandaid or something, right?"</p><p>"I don't know, but here," Dan says as he pulls Arin forward until his hand is underneath the shower spray, letting the water wash away the blood down the drain. "I can't see with all this blood everywhere, so let's just rinse this off."</p><p>Dan hums a little and Arin finds himself blushing, unsure of where to look without seeming weird or making things awkward, so he just settles for looking at the water hitting his hand to be safe. When the area is clean enough to see the cut better, Dan inspects it for a moment and then gently lets go of Arin's hand.</p><p>"Just put some neosporin on it and a bandaid and you should be okay," he tells him as he fixes the curtain, "I mean, I'm not a doctor but- whatever, you know, just be careful, dude. I swear, if Suzy comes back and you're more fucked up than when she left, she'll actually murder me."</p><p>They both find themselves laughing at that. Arin returns to the medicine cabinet to get the neosporin before he stops at the open door. "I'm gonna leave you now and go finish making this. Hurry up, because Sean might be coming too."</p><p>"Oh, really? Sweet, I'm almost done."</p><p>Arin nods, forgetting Dan can't see him. He closes the door on his way out and heads back to the kitchen where he left his phone. Sean has already texted him back saying that he'd love to come and see them before he has to leave so he'll be around soon.</p><p>Arin bandages himself up and finishes cutting up the ingredients for the salad, making sure to keep everything separate since they all don't like the same things. On the countertop he has a bowl of lettuce, bags of fresh baby spinach and raw broccoli, shredded carrots, diced tomatoes, bell peppers and onions, pre-cooked cubed chicken, chopped celery, and then other toppings like cheese, dried cranberries, nuts, bacon bits, etc.</p><p>He feels super good and accomplished with it all ready, and just then he turns when he hears Dan's footsteps as the older man descends down the steps.</p><p>Arin grins at him. "What took you so long?" he asks as Dan makes his way over. "I thought you'd just said you were almost done!"</p><p>"Oh, sorry, I was just jerkin' off," Dan jokes in response, but Arin rolls his eyes. "You know, the usual."</p><p>"Liar. You've told me you don't do that in the shower because your legs get too weak."</p><p>Dan holds up his hands in defeat. "Ah well, right you are, my silly baby bear, you got me. The boring, truthful answer is that the water just felt really good, like... I'm not gonna lie. It was like a warm, wet hug."</p><p>Arin waves his hand around, dismissive. "Whatever, just come check this shit out, dude," he utters, gesturing for Dan to come closer, the older laughing as he does.</p><p>"I hope none of what we're eating has your blood on it," Dan starts, but whatever he's going to say next dies immediately when he sees everything that Arin has gotten ready for lunch. "Whoa, babe, you really went all out. It actually looks so fuckin' good."</p><p>Arin's heart beats faster at the pet name, almost wishing that he could get a hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek right about now. "Well yeah, I mean... thanks," he says, looking at everything with his hands on his hips. "Everyone is coming over so why not? I might make chicken parm tonight for us too depending on when everyone wants to go home and when we get back if we do go out."</p><p>"Mm, hell yeah," Dan sighs dreamily, moving to the fridge to get a drink before he takes a seat at the island. "I'm so hungry and everything sounds so good, you don't even know. When are they supposed to be getting here again?"</p><p>Before Arin can answer, Brian lightly knocks on the front door and then just walks in. "Speak of the devil," the youngest of them all laughs as Brian walks into the kitchen. "Hey Brian, I made salad."</p><p>"Hey Bri," Dan murmurs with a grin and a wave. Brian nods at the both of them, standing in the kitchen with his hands in his pockets.</p><p>"Hey guys, why so much food?" the oldest man asks before he takes a seat at the island beside Dan, patting him on the back in a half-hug. "Where's Suzy at?"</p><p>"Well," Arin starts as he gets Brian something to drink, "Ross, Matt, Ryan and Sean are all supposed to be coming over too and I don't know if Sean is bringing his girlfriend Evelien or not, but I made enough so we could all eat and then maybe we can go out and do something. And Suzy is at her twin sister, Jean's house. She won't be back for a couple more days."</p><p>Brian nods wordlessly and thanks Arin as the drink is passed to him. They all sit and chat for awhile until Ross arrives and they explain to him why they're waiting and what the plan is. He sits on the kitchen floor and plays with Otto, only somewhat participating in the conversation.</p><p>Matt, Ryan and Sean all show up at the same time. When Arin answers the door, he greets them and leads them inside. Everyone puts together their own salads the way they like and find somewhere to sit down and eat, chit-chatting in between bites.</p><p>"So..." Sean utters after he puts his bowl into the sink, sliding up next to Arin, "What are we doing now? Got any plans?"</p><p>"Mm-" Dan swallows his bite before he speaks. "Well, Arin suggested mini-golf, bowling or karaoke. I'm fuckin' cool with any of them honestly." At that, Ryan and Brian both nod in agreement.</p><p>"Honestly," Matt pipes up from his spot beside Ryan on the couch, "I could go for bowling or karaoke, but I suck at mini-golf."</p><p>"I agree," Ross chimes in as he helps himself to some more salad. "I'm leaning more towards karaoke though because that's always fun. And the bowling alley food and drinks tend to be more overpriced so it just kinda sucks."</p><p>"So we're going with karaoke?" Sean asks as he looks at Arin, and Arin just shrugs in response. "Cool, I think it's settled then; karaoke it is."</p><p>With the decision made, they all file out into two separate vehicles- Arin, Dan, Brian and Sean in one, and then Matt with Ryan and Ross in the other. Traffic isn't that bad this time of day, so they get to the place quicker than they had expected to and find somewhere to park before they all head inside together.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“when i want to run away,<br/>i drive off in my car.<br/>but whichever way i go,<br/>i come back to the place you are.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The particular karaoke bar and grill they're at has a pool table and a few other activities. There's a few people around but not too many, and the ones that are lingering are mostly at the bar or sitting down to eat their lunches.</p><p>They all find a large roundish booth close to the stage that they all can fit in and try to decide who gets to go first. Arin and Brian want Dan to, but Dan wants Ross to. Ross would prefer not going first and suggests that Matt and Ryan start off with a silly duet. Matt is into it, but Ryan asks Sean if he'd rather go first instead, just in case.</p><p>In the end, it's Matt and Ryan who get up there. Matt wants to do "Baby Shark", but Ryan wants to do "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" for shits and giggles. They have a vote and the only one who votes for "Baby Shark" is Sean, but even as he votes for that one he states that he doesn't care what song they sing really.</p><p>So they end up singing "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart", and it's so weird yet hilarious that everyone else at the booth can't stop laughing. Even Matt starts laughing halfway through the song, so much so that he gets embarrassed.</p><p>They return to the booth afterwards and take their seats, sipping on their drinks as they try to figure out who is going next. Brian shrugs when they ask him if he wants to go and he gets up there, picking "Baby Shark" since Audrey likes it so much that he learned the words already and because Matt didn't get to do it.</p><p>The best part about it is how stone-faced he is the entire time he sings. He returns to the booth after with a bow as they clap and Sean asks Ross if he wants to do a duet with him. While they're up there singing, Dan turns to Arin and asks if he wants to do a duet with him as well.</p><p>"Okay," Arin agrees with a nod, "But what song do you want to do? I don't really know any songs that we could sing together."</p><p>Dan hums, searching his brain for any ideas. "Ah, what about a Disney song?" he asks with a grin. "I've been watching a lot of the Disney movies lately and they tend to have duets, don't they? Like in the princess ones?"</p><p>"Oh, sure," Arin replies quietly, his face feeling warm when he continues with, "Wasn't there like a really nice one at the end of the Rapunzel movie? We could fuckin'... do that one, if you want to."</p><p>"Oh yeah, you're talking about "Tangled"? Sure, dude, I'm totally up for it. Do you remember how it goes?"</p><p>Arin thinks about it, but then he nods. "Yeah, man, I believe so."</p><p>"Okay, "I See The Light" it is then," Dan murmurs with a small smile. At that point, Ross and Sean get off of the stage and settle back in at the booth.</p><p>"Who's next?" Sean inquires, looking between Arin and Dan. "One or both of you get to go next, so have you guys thought of a song yet?"</p><p>"Yep," Dan responds cheerfully as he slides out of the booth after Arin. "We're gonna do that cute song from "Tangled". It's gonna be great. I hope they have it- they have Disney shit, don't they?"</p><p>"Yeah," Ross tells him. "I saw a category specifically for it when Sean and I were picking our song. Now get up there and make fuckin' fools of yourselves for our entertainment. Begone."</p><p>Arin laughs. "Don't we always do that though?"</p><p>Dan leads the way to the stage and they climb up onto it, heading over to the machine where they select a song. Once they find it, they listen to a sample of it to make sure they remember it right before they each grab a microphone and start the song.</p><p>Dan takes Flynn Rider's role in the song, leaving Arin to sing Rapunzel's parts. It's a sweet song and they can't help but to giggle through it, half looking at the mini screen for the lyrics they can't remember and half looking at each other.</p><p>When it's over, they head back to the booth with goofy grins on their faces. They take their seats next to each other and see if anyone else wants to go back up.</p><p>They all end up singing a couple more songs each before they decide to all head back to Arin's house. Arin checks his phone before he gets into the driver's seat to text Suzy back and see what time it is. He's surprised to see that it's getting close to 5PM already.</p><p>Once at Arin's house, Matt and Ryan decide that they're ready to get back home. They wave goodbye after letting Ross out of the car and head off.</p><p>"I probably need to get back home too," Ross tells them, climbing into his own car. "Thank you for lunch though, and for inviting me out. I had a nice time hanging out with you guys."</p><p>"Anytime," Arin says as he leans into the vehicle to give Ross a hug. Ross closes his door with a nod and leaves, going back to his own house and leaving Arin, Dan, Brian, and Sean.</p><p>Before they can even get inside to sit down for a moment, Brian receives a text. "Oh, sorry guys," he murmurs suddenly, stopping on the porch as he reads the message. "Rachel made dinner and wants to know when I'll be back, so I should probably get going."</p><p>He gives them each a hug, heading to his car. "I'll see you later, Bri," Dan calls out to him from the porch. Brian waves before he leaves too.</p><p>Dan sits down beside Arin and across from Sean at the island. They chat for a while and even play a few games or so for about an hour before Sean decides he should probably get back to where he's staying so he can make sure he gets up early for his flight. They hug him goodbye and make plans to meet up and hang out again soon, whenever he will be back in California.</p><p>When it's just the two of them, Arin settles into his normal spot on the couch, his stomach growling. Dan chuckles because of how loud it is.</p><p>"Do you want to eat soon?" he asks as he pets Otto, who sits in his lap. Arin shrugs, but then he nods. "Well what do you wanna have? Chicken parm? I can help you make it."</p><p>"If you want to, that'd be awesome, man," Arin sighs out, standing up and heading into the kitchen area. Dan moves Otto to the empty cushion and gets up as well, following behind.</p><p>Though there isn't much that Dan can help with, he hangs out in the kitchen anyway. Arin seasons the chicken and puts it into the oven to let it start cooking and then he and Dan watch funny video clips on Youtube until the timer goes off. Arin checks the chicken and then spoons the tomato sauce over the pieces and puts it back in for a little bit.</p><p>They then start boiling water for noodles to go with it, though Arin doesn't usually eat his chicken parm with noodles. When the noodles are cooked, they strain and set them aside with the extra sauce and then put some texas toast in the oven as well.</p><p>When the next timer goes off for the chicken, Arin lets Dan help him sprinkle the cheeses on top and then they stick it in one final time to let it melt, pulling it out after about five minutes. The texas toast also comes out and they turn off the oven. Dan pulls plates out of the cabinet and hands them to Arin before he goes back for the forks in the drawer by the sink.</p><p>Dan then takes a seat as Arin dishes out the food for both of them- the noodles on the bottom, then a little sauce and cheese, and then the chicken parm itself and a slice of the texas toast on the side. He brings the food over to the island and places Dan's plate in front of him before he sets his own down as well.</p><p>Arin sits down then, a grin on his face. "Doesn't it look good?"</p><p>Dan nods in agreement, very enthusiastic. "Oh absolutely," he says as he picks up his fork. "It fuckin' smells amazing as shit too. Thank you, Arin."</p><p>Arin's face goes a little pink. "You don't need to thank me, dude," he tells the older man, getting up to get them both a drink. "Besides, I should be thanking you for being around and keeping me company. I would've gone fuckin' crazy here all by myself."</p><p>Dan chuckles a little shyly as Arin sits back at the island across from him, looking down at his plate. "Well, that's what friends are for, right?" he murmurs, finally meeting Arin's eyes.</p><p>"Yeah," Arin agrees quietly, feeling his breath catch in his throat as he picks up his fork. "Well, dig in and tell me what you think, dingus. I need feedback."</p><p>Dan smiles and rolls his eyes, and in the comfortable silence, they both slowly eat their food. They both agree that it's pretty good, and they clean their plates. Together, they both put away the leftover food and clean up any sauce messes on the stove. They then start loading up the dishwasher.</p><p>Arin leans against the counter after he puts in the last dish and adds the soap, and Dan closes the door to the dishwasher, standing in front of the younger after, drying off his hands with a hand-towel.</p><p>"Dinner was great, Arin," he starts, his hands in his pockets now. "Well, really today was just super fuckin' great too, and so has been the week so far. I had a blast hanging out with you and everyone and having lunch and doing karaoke and shit, and just seeing how much happier you've become lately."</p><p>"I had a great time today and this week too," Arin admits, his voice soft as he looks down at his and Dan's feet. "And you know, I'm really fuckin' trying to be better and be happier because things are so much easier when I am. Right now, I feel happy-ish. Not one hundred percent or anything yet, but I'll get there."</p><p>"What do you think would make you get closer to one hundred?" Dan suddenly asks, sounding genuinely curious. Arin looks up at him with a small, sad smile, wanting to say it but unsure if he can make himself. Being with Dan would make him so much happier if he's being honest, but... he doesn't know what will happen if he tries.</p><p>Dan's still waiting for an answer, but Arin doesn't know what to say. The older wordlessly reaches forward, brushing a strand of hair out of Arin's eyes so gently that the younger finds himself flushing at the intimacy of it. Everything's quiet as his eyes meet Dan's, but Arin's heart is beating so loud in his own ears that he wonders if Dan can hear it too.</p><p>And then it's like time stops. Arin holds his breath as he pushes off the counter and takes the step forward, removing the distance between them, pressing his lips against Dan's. In this moment, nothing else matters but him and the way his soft lips feel against Arin's own.</p><p>Until Dan is pushing him back by the shoulders.</p><p>"Whoa, Arin... what the fuck, man?" Dan says, a bit dazed, eyebrows furrowed as he backs up a little. Arin blinks stupidly, parting his lips like he wants to say something, but he can't find the words. "What... what the hell was that?"</p><p>"I..." Arin tries, running a hand through his hair as the anxiety within him starts to rise. "Danny-"</p><p>Dan takes a step back when Arin reaches out to touch him, shaking his head. "No, I..." he trails off, taking a deep breath and swallowing. He seems to be internally panicking too as he looks around frantically. "Just no. I need to- I need to go. I can't fucking do this. Goddammit, Arin- what the fuck."</p><p>Arin's eyes go wide and he steps towards the older man, reaching out for him with a shaky hand. "No, Dan, wait- don't go, please."</p><p>But Dan isn't listening, walking away and shaking his head as he finds and puts on his shoes. He heads upstairs to get his duffle bag quickly and comes back down just as fast. Before he can make it to the door, Arin grabs ahold of his wrist.</p><p>Dan flings it off like Arin's skin burns him. "Don't fucking touch me, dude," he snaps, and Arin feels like he's just been struck- he doesn't think he's ever seen Dan like this before. It hurts, seeing him react this way- it's exactly what he's been so afraid of. Dan's face softens a little as he sees that hurt in Arin's eyes, but he doesn't falter when he says, "I'm leaving. I can't... I can't deal with this right now, Arin. I just can't, I'm sorry."</p><p>He closes the door loudly on his way out. Arin can hear Dan's car door close, the engine start, and the screeching sounds the tires make when Dan drives away.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arin feels like the biggest fucking idiot on the planet for thinking that it would all go well. He wishes that he could take it back as he stands there, staring at the door for what feels like forever but is actually only maybe ten minutes. With a sinking pit in his stomach and an aching in his heart, Arin slowly walks over to the couch, falling onto the soft cushions. He feels numb, feels like crying. He doesn't know what the hell to do.</p><p>So he does the only things he can do. He gets up and gets the remaining alcohol from the fridge - one mostly full bottle - and he sits back down to call Suzy. The phone rings for a bit, but then eventually Arin is met with the sound of his wife's soothing voice.</p><p>"Hey baby," she says cheerfully into the phone, and Arin feels like garbage for even calling her and bothering her when she seems to be having a good time at Jean's. He doesn't want to ruin it for her. "What's up? How are things going?"</p><p>He feels stupid too when his eyes start watering, and he immediately changes his mind. "Fuck," he murmurs, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand. "I'm- I'm sorry for bothering you, Suze. I wasn't really thinking, I guess. It's not that important and I don't want to ruin your night over it, so I'll um- I'll talk to you later, baby. I love you. Goodnight."</p><p>He pulls the phone away from his ear to hang up, but stops when he hears her voice. "Wait, wait, Arin no- don't hang up. Tell me what's going on."</p><p>Putting the phone back up to his ear, he lets out a sigh, leaning forward and covering his eyes with his hand. "It's- it's not good, Suze," he whispers, biting down on his lip before he reaches for the bottle beside him and takes a sip.</p><p>"What happened, baby?" she questions softly, making Arin want to just curl up in a ball and cry because he wishes that she were here so badly to hold him and make it all better. "Arin?"</p><p>"I kissed Dan," he tells her, sniffling. He can hear her saying something to her sister and then there's some shuffling before he can hear her inhale sharply. He exhales a shaky, shuddering breath before he speaks again. "It didn't go well. I feel like a stupid fucking asshole right now. God, Suzy, you should've seen the way he pushed me back, the way he looked at me and the way he acted like my touch suddenly started to hurt him. It broke my heart."</p><p>"Well, where is he right now?" she asks, probably standing outside if the sound of cars whirring past in the background is anything to go by.</p><p>Arin shrugs but remembers she can't see him. "Honestly, the fuck if I know," he mutters in response, clearing his throat. "He left a little bit ago. Said that he 'can't do this, can't deal with it right now' or whatever, and then he ran away. Drove off in his car without another word and left me here alone."</p><p>"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," she whispers. "I'll get on the next flight back so that-"</p><p>"No," he interrupts her, running a hand through his hair. "Please, don't. I know that you're having a good time there with Jean and I'm not gonna fuckin' ruin that for you. I... I'll be okay by myself for the next couple of days, alright? So don't cut your time with your sister short, and don't worry about me."</p><p>"Arin," she sighs, and he bites down on his lip, feeling guilty for calling her in the first place. "You know that all I'm gonna do is worry about you for the next three or four days until I get back home. I can come back now, it's okay."</p><p>"I think I need to be alone right now anyway," he insists, trying to convince himself that being by himself is the best thing for him right now even though he knows it isn't. "I appreciate it though, I really do, but you haven't seen your sister in a while so just... take your time there with her, and I'll see you when you come home on Sunday."</p><p>"Are you sure?" she presses sadly, her heart aching for him. "Well... I love you, and I'm so sorry, Arin. Things will get better, I promise."</p><p>He doubts it, but he doesn't say so aloud. "I love you too, Suze. Thanks for listening to my bullshit whining."</p><p>He can tell that she's frowning. "Oh, stop that. Just be careful, okay? Don't..." she pauses, taking a deep breath like she's worried, "Please don't do anything you'd regret. I know you're going to be upset for a while, but please call me before you even think about hurting yourself or doing anything reckless. And you may not like it, but I'm... I'm gonna talk to Danny about this whole situation and see how he's doing. He will probably talk to me and tell me why he ran out on you. I'll fix this, okay? It was my advice that did this, so I'll make it better."</p><p>"Suzy... you don't have to. It was my feelings that made me kiss him, so it's my fault, not yours. It's not your problem to solve."</p><p>"All of your problems are my problems too, Arin," she states, and he can't help but to smile even a little at that. "That's a part of being married and just... being with someone, period. You share their problems, their worries- you're troubled by the things that trouble them. If something bothers the one you love, you're going to want to do all you can to make it better for them."</p><p>"You're right," he says, because she is.</p><p>"I know," she tells him. "Well babe, I love you. Be safe. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"</p><p>"Okay, love you too," he whispers, and then they're both hanging up and Arin is left alone with his thoughts.</p><p>Well, not completely alone. Mochi rubs up against Arin's legs as he takes another swig from the bottle. He reaches down and gives the cat a few scratches under his chin until Mochi is satisfied, purring up a storm. He hops up onto the couch and curls up beside Otto and Mimi, getting comfy.</p><p>Arin leans forward and grabs the TV remote, finding something to put on to distract him. He turns his phone completely off and just puts it wherever so that if he gets drunk, he won't be able to easily send any messages he'd regret or accidentally post something dumb to his social media. He doesn't care about where the thing ends up right now, as long as it's away from him.</p><p>It's only approaching 7PM, yet Arin feels like lying down and going to sleep already. His mind is elsewhere even as he tries to watch TV, anxious to know if Suzy has already spoken to Dan or not, what she said to him, and if Dan got home safe. Arin's worried about what's going to happen to Game Grumps if Dan can't at the very least forgive him.</p><p>By 8PM, the bottle is closer to empty and Arin feels pretty drunk. His face is too warm, the room is too warm and everything is spinning. He feels like throwing up or killing himself at this point. He wants to call Suzy again, wants to call Dan and try to apologize even though deep down, he knows that would be the worst thing to do right now, but alas; Arin can't find his phone.</p><p>By 9PM, the empty bottle is somewhere on the floor and Arin's standing in the middle of the room, his hands in his hair as he looks for his phone but frustratingly can't seem to find it. He takes a moment to think about what friend of his lives closest and if he can get away with driving to their house to use their phone.</p><p>Dan, Ross and Brian are the closest three, but Dan is definitely out of the question. Ross might be busy still, maybe at the office actually. Brian is most definitely still awake, but Arin isn't sure if the older man would be okay with Arin being drunk around Audrey.</p><p>He figures that the kid is probably asleep though so it'd probably be okay to go over to Brian's to use his phone. He staggers through the kitchen and turns to the room where the front door is, passing by the downstairs bathroom on his way to grab his sandals and slip them on. He grabs his keys but drops them and has to pick them up off the floor. The sudden movement of him bending over makes him feel sick, but he holds it in and heads out the front door, closing it maybe a bit too loudly.</p><p>He has trouble getting into the car, but when he finally does get in, he sits inside of it for a moment, thinking about it.</p><p>He starts up the car, turning on his headlights before he pulls out of the driveway. It wasn't perfect, but he didn't hit anything so he counts that as a win and heads down the street in the direction of Brian's house. He only swerves a little, and he feels rather focused as he drives. It's not so bad, except he rolls right through at least two stop signs and one red light. Thankfully, there's not really that many people to see it.</p><p>He pulls into Brian's driveway after about maybe ten minutes of driving and steps out of the car, heading to the front door and only tripping once. He hesitates with his finger over the doorbell and settles for knocking instead.</p><p>It's actually Brian who comes to the door. "Oh, Arin, hi," he says, leaning forward to look around. "What's up? Where's Dan?"</p><p>Arin frowns and winces at the mention of the man he's in love with, which he never thought would happen. "He's not with me," he answers, but it's a little slurred. "He went home. He's fuckin'... mad at me an' shit 'cause I fucked up real bad."</p><p>Brian looks confused. "What do you mean?" he questions, straightening up a little. "What happened? Are you... Arin, are you drunk?"</p><p>"Just... only a little itty bitty, tiny bit-"</p><p>"And you drove here?" Brian gestures to Arin's car that's parked slightly lopsided in the driveway. "What the hell is the matter with you? You do know that if you got pulled over, you would've gotten a fucking DUI and you'd be sitting your ass in jail right about now, right?"</p><p>Arin runs a hand through his hair, biting down hard on his lip. "I- I just needed to talk to Suzy but I lost my phone," he explains, probably looking as in distress and shitty as he feels right now. "I'm havin' a hard time 'cause of Danny leaving an' I don't want to fuck up an' do somethin' really dumb 'cause Suzy asked me not to hurt myself but it's really hard, Brian. I'm all alone at home an' I'm just thinkin' too much right now."</p><p>Brian gives him a long, hard stare before he sighs and steps aside to let the younger man in. "So I'm guessing you wanna use my phone?" he asks, and Arin nods as he steps in and sits down in the first available chair he sees. Brian reaches into his pocket for his phone and holds it out for Arin, but before he can take it, Brian snatches it away. "I'll let you use it, but I have a couple conditions."</p><p>"Okay," Arin murmurs, waiting. Brian sits down in the armchair opposite the sofa Arin sits on currently, looking at the younger of the two of them. "What're they?"</p><p>"Condition one: you have to sleep here tonight, because I'm not letting you take an Uber and you're sure as hell not driving home where you'll be alone with your thoughts. I'll ask Ross to swing by your house, shut everything down, glance around for your phone and give the cats extra food and water on his way back to his house, but you're not fuckin' leaving, especially not when you're drunk." He pauses, and Arin's watching him, face pink from the alcohol and probably embarrassment or shame. "So I'm gonna need you to give me your keys."</p><p>Brian clears his throat before speaking again. "Condition two: you have to tell me what's going on with you and Dan. Why did he leave and go home when he was supposed to stay until whenever Suzy got back? What happened, Arin?"</p><p>Arin's quiet until he nods again, wordlessly accepting Brian's conditions as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his car keys, handing them over. Brian also passes Arin the phone as he takes the keys, but Arin suddenly doesn't want to call and bother Suzy anymore, so he hands it back. Brian gives him a questioning look, but all Arin says is "Can you call an' talk to her for me? I know she'll be disappointed an' it'll just make things worse to hear it in her voice, but I need her to know where I am an' that I'm okay."</p><p>Brian nods, setting the phone aside as he waits for Arin to start talking and give him an explanation. "What happened?" he presses.</p><p>Arin shrugs, chewing on his lower lip. "I kissed him," he almost whispers. Brian is a little surprised, but he doesn't comment on it, allowing Arin to continue. "I dunno why, really. Like, I mean... I love him an' I wanna be with him, but I knew that things would end in a shitstorm if I made a move an' yet I did it anyway 'cause I'm a fuckin' dumb asshole."</p><p>And so Arin goes on to explain everything to Brian the best he can with his speech slurring so much. He tells Brian about being upset, talking to Suzy and making a deal with her and all of it, everything leading up to tonight, when Arin showed up at the older man's doorstep.</p><p>Brian takes a moment to let it all sink in. "So every time you'd joke with him and shit... you meant it? But you think that he only took those jokes for what they were and played along, and doesn't actually feel anything for you? And he just... pushed you away when you kissed him and acted cold towards you, so now you think he hates you?"</p><p>"Yeah," Arin replies softly, unable to meet Brian's eyes. "I really feel like he does. You didn't see the way he walked out like I meant nothin' at all to him... didn't see the looks he gave me, or any of it."</p><p>"Arin," Brian starts with a sigh, shifting in his seat. "Dan... he talks to me sometimes about things and how he's feeling. I'm one of his closest friends and he can trust me with everything- it's an unspoken thing between us. And he's talked to me about some shit sort of recently, and... I can't speak for him or anything, but... I don't think he hates you at all. I just think that he maybe got scared and now he needs some time to himself to think things over. He'll come around eventually, and things will go back to normal or something soon. I promise."</p><p>"What the hell could he be so scared of that it would make him run away an' act like that?"</p><p>Brian stays quiet, not sure of how he's supposed to answer. Arin frowns, not quite liking being told to just wait it out, but he guesses he has no choice. What else can he do right now besides wait and see?</p><p>If things can go back to normal at the very least, Arin can be somewhat happy. As long as Dan doesn't hate him or treat him weirdly, things will be okay for the most part. It'll suck a lot, but Arin would rather deal with the heartbreak, than deal with it and lose his best friend as well as his show, too. Everything hasn't fallen apart yet.</p><p>"You know, I wish I were fuckin' dead right now."</p><p>Brian sucks in a breath. "Arin, don't say that," he tells him, but Arin only shrugs. "I know it must suck, but it's not the end of the world. And I'm not just saying that to be a dick or anything. You just shouldn't say things like that."</p><p>"S' jus' how I feel, Brian," the younger responds rather calmly with a shrug, expression so eerily blank that it's unnerving.</p><p>Brian suddenly stands up and stretches, frowning. "I'm... I'm gonna call Suzy and talk to her for you while you stay here and watch TV or something and sober up a little. Do you want a drink?"</p><p>Arin nods, and with that, Brian exits the room. After a few minutes, Brian's wife, Rachel, comes in and gives Arin a drink, which he takes with a "thank you". She sticks around and asks him how he's feeling as they only half pay attention to what's on TV. They chit chat for a while (though Arin's fighting to pay attention to anything) until Brian comes back into the room.</p><p>"Suzy said she'll call tomorrow to talk to you while you're sober, but I told her that you were here and... everything."</p><p>Arin sighs a little, sinking further into the couch cushions. "I wish I could tell her that I'm sorry," he murmurs shamefully, swirling around the water in his glass. He wishes he could talk to Dan, too, and fix things- make everything right.</p><p>"You'll have time to tell her tomorrow," Brian says, taking the glass from him and sitting it on the table. "You should get some rest, Arin."</p><p>Arin nods without protest and Brian disappears with his wife to grab some spare blankets and a pillow. Brian helps Arin make up the couch so that he can sleep and after, the younger lies down. Brian shuts off the lights but leaves the TV on and heads to bed.</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. 13</h2></a>
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    <p>Arin wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache. It's so bad that he can't even sit up without feeling pain and can barely open his eyes to the light. He takes a deep breath, throwing an arm over them and just lying there, thinking.</p><p>He shouldn't have drank as much as he did. Things are fuzzy, but he remembers everything. Kissing Dan... Dan walking out angrily... himself, getting smashed and losing his phone and driving drunk over to Brian's house. He remembers talking to Brian and being forced to stay the night, remembers not getting to talk to Suzy for the second time to say that he was sorry.</p><p>Fuck, his heart aches so much. He feels like he's being dramatic when he's wishing that he could shut down and stop feeling anything at all, wishing that he were dead right now. He feels selfish for thinking that and for wanting to die, because how could he leave Suzy behind? And Dan- Arin may be upset with the way Dan handled things, and Dan may hate Arin right now, but Arin couldn't be so selfish as to leave him either.</p><p>Maybe if he was selfish enough, Arin could find it in him to do it. To commit suicide. Last night would've been the perfect time and he had so many opportunities- he could've made it look accidental, too. He could have "accidentally" driven his car in front of someone else's and died in the collision. He could've "accidentally" crashed or flipped his car on his way here, to Brian's. He could've "accidentally" gotten hit by anybody, or could've done so many other things.</p><p>Or he could've just not cared at all. He could've simply taken a handful of either his or Suzy's prescription pills and overdosed, and it would've been so easy, and everything would be over.</p><p>But it's not over yet. Arin's here now, alive and breathing, because he isn't that selfish and he isn't that stupid. His life isn't so bad that he should be here now, thinking about the ways he could've killed himself last night.</p><p>But things are pretty bad right now, and they could easily get to that point where he might seriously consider taking his own life. He can't let that happen. He needs Dan to stay on Game Grumps, to stay his friend at the very least.</p><p>He needs Dan to stay.</p><p>Everything hasn't completely fallen apart yet, but it's getting there. For now, Arin supposes it's just time to play the waiting game until he hears from Dan again, whether it's because he's forgiving him, or because he's quitting.</p><p>"Arin. Here, take this."</p><p>Arin lifts up his arm and cracks open an eye to find Brian there, holding out some aspirin and a glass of water. The younger man sits up the best he can and takes them items from Brian's hands, downing the aspirin and the entire glass of water.</p><p>"Thanks," Arin sighs out, yawning. His head is pounding, but hopefully the aspirin helps. Brian gives him a nod in response and sits down on the end of the sofa where Arin's feet were previously, nudging the younger's legs out of the way. "What time is it?"</p><p>Brian checks his watch. "Around 9AM," he answers, looking over at Arin. "I'm only a little surprised you're awake right now- I did kind of make you go to sleep way earlier than you're probably used to. I turned out the lights at like... ten last night, I think? Yeah, ten."</p><p>Arin shrugs, not sure if he cares if his sleep schedule changes for the better right now. "Where's Rachel and Audrey?" he finds himself wondering aloud, the house empty and quiet without the TV on or the five year old running around and playing.</p><p>"Audrey is at school right now, and Rachel is at the store picking up a few things."</p><p>"Ah, I forgot Audrey started going to kindergarten," Arin murmurs, but then things are quiet. "Did you hear from Dan at all? Or Suzy?"</p><p>"Not Suzy, but I did actually just get back from having breakfast with Dan," Brian admits and Arin bites his lip, frowning. "He needed someone else to talk to about things and I lent him an ear. He talked for a while, I said a few things, we ate, and then he left. There wasn't much else to it."</p><p>"What... uh..." Arin starts softly, pausing briefly, "What did he wanna talk to you about...? Was it about last night? About... me...?"</p><p>Brian sighs. "It's not my business or my right to tell you exactly what he said to me in our private conversation," he tells the younger man, "But yeah, it was about last night and it was about you. He needed to vent about how he was feeling and get a second opinion about some of the things he spoke with Suzy about, and he asked for my advice."</p><p>"Is he mad at me?" Arin asks in a whisper, trying to look Brian in the eyes but he can't.</p><p>"I don't know," Brian replies, but Arin is almost positive he does. "He was feeling a lot of things about a lot of things, and had so many mixed feelings, but we had a good heart-to-heart chat over breakfast and he left seeming a bit better and less confused about things."</p><p>Arin nods, trying his best to stay calm. "That's... that's really good," he says as if he's trying to convince himself. Brian feels a little bad for him if he's honest. "I just... um... I just wish I could fuckin'... make things right between us again. It really hurt when he just... walked out like that and left me there alone, but... maybe I deserved it for kissing him when he didn't want that from me."</p><p>Brian doesn't say a word, not wanting to say too much or say the wrong thing. Instead, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out Arin's phone, holding it in his upturned palm.</p><p>"Ross stopped by late last night after you fell asleep and dropped off this," he utters, handing the phone to Arin, who hesitantly reaches out and takes it. "He said it was underneath your couch in the living room. He fed your cats again this morning by the way, in case you couldn't get back home."</p><p>"I can probably manage," Arin responds with a shrug, running a hand through his hair. "I'm a little hungover but I can drive home."</p><p>"Are you sure you wanna be there alone?" Brian asks him, and once again Arin shrugs. "I don't want you to do anything dumb, anything you'd regret."</p><p>"What, like kill myself?" Brian's eyes dart away as soon as the words leave Arin's mouth and the younger just exhales, frowning. "I'm not gonna fuckin' do something like that, Brian. I may think about it but I'm not that selfish and I'm too chicken-shit, so you can stop."</p><p>"You didn't seem to be so selfless or chicken-shit when you drove over here drunk last night," Brian argues, and Arin has to let him have that one because Brian's right. "You could've ended up in jail for the night or could've even gotten into an accident and possibly could've died at any second. Imagine how Suzy would feel, how all of your friends, including me, would feel, how your fans would feel or even how Dan would feel. They'd- we'd all be so sad and angry with you right now."</p><p>"I was drunk and I didn't care at that moment," Arin protests a little, but his argument is a bit weak. "I could see you all being mad at me if I had like... fuckin' overdosed or something. I could've done it at any time and it would've been easy, but I didn't do it because maybe I don't want to die as much as I think I do right now. I'm just... upset, and hurt and heartbroken and it all makes me think about dumb shit. If I truly wanted to die, I would already be dead."</p><p>"And I understand that, Arin," Brian tells him, reaching over and touching the younger man's shoulder. "Trust me, I get it, but it's not healthy to think about hurting yourself or to think about the different ways you could've ended your own life last night all because something bad happened. It's not okay, and it's also not okay to just say shit like that. When you said you wished you were dead last night, it... it hurt me, because I'm your friend and I love and care about you, you know?"</p><p>"I know it isn't, Brian, I know. And like, that's why I haven't acted on any of it at all; because I know that eventually things will change, just like they did last time, and I won't feel like this anymore. I just have to wait until then, but it's so hard without Dan or Suzy here beside me to help."</p><p>"I know, but... don't give up, okay? You don't know how Dan's feeling right now, so you can't say for sure that he hates you or that he's pissed off at you or whatever." Brian's words sound quite similar to Suzy's from the other day, and it's so weird- like either they think the same way or Arin's just a complete fool that doesn't understand anything simple. "So just... give him some time and some space, and wait. Wait for him to come to you to talk."</p><p>So that's what Arin does: he waits. Even as he talks with Brian a bit more until he gets up with a stretch, even as he asks for his keys back, even as he checks his phone before saying goodbye to Brian and heading outside, and even after that, when he leaves for his house.</p><p>He drives home, and it's quiet on the way. The sun is bright and hurts his eyes, and all Arin wants to do is go back to sleep or something because he's hella hungover and feels lonely now that he's left Brian's.</p><p>When he arrives at his own house, Arin heads in and greets his cats, giving them lots of love before going upstairs. He's undressing himself on the way to his bedroom, tossing the clothes on the floor by the foot of the bed. And once he's just in his underwear, he crawls onto the mattress and shuts his eyes, pulling the blanket over his head.</p><p>It's a miracle he's able to fall asleep, but he wakes up again around 2PM with heartburn, nausea, and a growling stomach. His head is feeling better though, but even so, he lies there, not wanting to get up for any reason at all.</p><p>He doesn't know what to do with himself and doesn't feel well enough to do anything productive, so he just lies in bed for a long time. There's a TV in his and Suzy's bedroom, so he puts it on and watches something that's already half-over until it ends, and continues to watch whatever comes on after that. The hours fly by and soon enough it's somewhere between six and seven, and he should probably call and talk to Suzy, but he doesn't want to bother her any more than he already has, and what the worst part about that is that most of it was done just last night alone.</p><p>It's not that bad of a Thursday evening- Arin can see through his window that the sun is setting, casting a pink glow onto the grass in the backyard outside and in through the window, onto the floor in Arin's room. But despite the evening looking pretty, it certainly doesn't match Arin's mood in any way.</p><p>It's Suzy that texts him first a little after the sun has disappeared, asking him how he's feeling and if he's okay. He answers honestly, even if he's sugarcoating a little when he tells her that his mood could be better and he's hungover, but he's alright for the most part. She doesn't mention anything about Dan, Brian or the drunk driving, but Arin can tell that she wants to.</p><p>But instead she tells him that it won't be long until she gets back- counting tonight, only three nights to go until she's home and by his side again. And then she says that they should probably sit down and talk when she gets back, about everything, especially if Dan doesn't come to talk to Arin before then. He feels anxious when he thinks about it, but still agrees anyway because he has to, and whether he wants to or not, they'll talk about things.</p><p>She asks him if he's eaten, and he lies and says that he has. She asks him a few other things too, but he mostly answers truthfully to those with the exception of one or two of the questions. With some things it's just easier if he doesn't tell her.</p><p>Eventually, she stops replying so Arin assumes she got busy. He turns off his phone and sets it on the nightstand, finding something else to watch until he gets bored and just wants to sleep despite not being super tired or anything.</p><p>He heads into the bathroom and takes some Nyquil to make himself tired, and waits for it to kick in. When he has a hard time keeping his eyes open, he shuts off the TV and turns out all the lights, going back to sleep for the night.</p><p>And the next time his eyes open, it's 11AM and Otto is sleeping right beside him. Arin finds himself sitting up and rubbing his eyes with a yawn before he gets out of bed, stretching and then heading to the bathroom. When he finishes, he gets dressed and feeds the cats.</p><p>The day already is going by so slowly that it's getting annoying. Arin's already tired of being alone and just wishes he could have someone around again, like Dan or Suzy. Hell, even having Brian around would be better than being here by himself for any longer.</p><p>He can't find it in him to eat still, even though he's past the point of being hungry, so he just walks right through the kitchen and over to the couch. Instead of sitting down and getting comfortable, Arin changes his mind and heads to the front door, putting on his sandals and grabbing his keys.</p><p>He can't stand being by himself, so why not head into the office and do some actual fucking work, like he should've been doing but hasn't because he was too busy preoccupying himself with Dan all week so far?</p><p>It doesn't take long to get there, and Arin spends the drive half-hoping that Dan is there so they can talk, but also half-hoping he isn't so that Arin can avoid him and the embarrassment and shame and everything else he's feeling right now, and has felt since he kissed Dan, since Dan walked out of his house on Wednesday night.</p><p>His heart beats faster as he gets closer to the building, but when he pulls in, he lets out a soft sigh of both relief and disappointment.</p><p>Dan isn't here. Arin pulls the car into his usual spot and gets out, heading into the building. It's not news that nobody expected him to be here until Suzy came back, but Arin is still a little surprised that they're surprised to see him- maybe he should've been coming in. In any case, he chats with a few people before he retreats to his private office, since Dan isn't here and probably won't be anytime soon, if ever again.</p><p>Arin has to remind himself to stop thinking like this. Dan probably won't quit and he might want to stay friends, so Arin just needs to remember what Suzy and Brian had both said and stick to it. Wait it out, see how Dan feels.</p><p>There's not really a whole lot that Arin can work on here, but he gets as much done as he can until he's satisfied. After, it's only about 3PM so he figures he can record some solo let's plays if he wants to. After all, he hadn't played anything the last time he and Dan recorded together, so maybe it'll be good for him to play something this time. He leaves his office and goes through the main area and into the Grump room.</p><p>He finds whatever game he wants to play first, trying to pick one or two that interest him but ones that Dan probably wouldn't care about missing out on. He finds an N64 game and a few others and that's what he settles on, so he gets the console hooked up and everything ready to go.</p><p>On the sofa, he writes down his start time before he actually starts off his episode. "Um, hi, welcome to Game Grumps," he says, a bit unsure of himself. He breathes out and runs a hand through his hair, trying not to bump his mic too much. "Well, it's just me today. Dan... Dan was busy and couldn't make it so... I'll be playing by myself. I know he's your favorite, so I hope you all don't mind that he's not here."</p><p>He forces himself to laugh to lighten the mood and not make it sound super depressing unlike how it actually feels to be here alone. "Well, um, anyway... I'm going to be playing whatever the hell this game is." He presses start on the menu, and speeds through an opening cutscene he's seen before, but makes sure to read it out loud since he doesn't have much else to do or to talk about. When he's finished reading, he resumes speaking.</p><p>"Oh yeah, so I know we didn't really talk about it much but we did mention it so you all are probably a bit worried still maybe? I don't know- but anyway, Dan mentioned the other day when we did that session where he played that I fell down the stairs. Some of you guys have been tweeting me about it asking if I'm okay, and I haven't had much time to answer, but yes, I am. I just got my stitches removed about three days ago and I'm feeling much better."</p><p>He pauses to read some more text, but rolls his eyes when he realizes that it's only to tell him how to play and what to do first so he just skips it.</p><p>"So yeah, I don't know when this will go up, but, um... fuck." He laughs again, shifting on the sofa a little to get more comfortable. "I know I haven't done a solo in a while and it's because I don't like doing them, but I'm here now. I just don't know what the fuck to even talk about. How do some of the solo youtubers like Jacksepticeye do it? I just feel awkward talking to myself."</p><p>He's quiet for a moment but then he continues. "Speaking of Jacksepticeye, I just hung out with him the other day. He, Brian, Ross, Matt and Ryan, Dan and I all went out and had some fun doing karaoke. I think Allie posted the videos we took on the Game Grumps instagram if you wanna have a look at them or whatever. But yeah, it was super fun. I'm glad I got to see him before he went home. And Dan and I did a duet or two- it was great and I had a blast. I wish he was here so he could talk about the time he had too."</p><p>The rest of the episode goes by a bit smoothly, but it ends up being a lot longer than a normal Game Grumps episode. After he finishes that one up, he takes a small break and then only records three more extra long episodes where he plays different games before he calls it a finished session earlier than usual. He then shuts everything down and checks his phone- it's only about 7PM, so he can go back to work in his office if he wants to, but he kinda just wants to sleep again.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He heads into the kitchen to get something to drink and his stomach growls loudly, but he's not interested in eating anything still. He instead returns to his office and has a seat on his couch, rubbing his eyes; his head is pounding and he doesn't know why.</p><p>He leans back, letting his eyes fall shut. It's quiet and there's nothing to disturb him, so he easily falls asleep. He's not sure how long he sleeps for at first when he wakes up, but turning on his phone screen, he finds that it's almost nine already. Somehow the whole day flew by, and now he just wants to go home and go back to bed.</p><p>Leaving the office, he heads back home in silence. It allows him to get lost in his own thoughts on the way. He misses Suzy, misses Dan. He's been away from both of them for longer time periods than this, but not often at the same time like this. Besides, this is different. He knows that Suzy is up half the night worrying and that Dan still isn't interested in seeing him right now, and it hurts. It's all his fault.</p><p>What if Dan really does quit? What if he's through with it all now, and it's all Arin's fault? What if Dan doesn't want to do the show anymore because Arin kissed him and made every joke and bit between them a thousand times more real than before? What if Dan is disgusted by him now and wants nothing to do with him because of it, never wants to see or talk to him again? What if he loses his best friend for good over this? Over the kiss, over his feelings for Dan?</p><p>Arin has to pull the car over, the thoughts rushing through his head too fast and making him have an anxiety attack. He feels like he can't breathe, he can't see- he can't even function right. His chest hurts and he feels like vomiting, and he's so, so dizzy. His fingers are yanking at his own hair and then they're scrambling to get a grip on the car door's handle. He struggles to get the door open to get some fresh air, but he does get it open, thankfully.</p><p>He turns so that his legs are hanging out of the open door and he's leaning forward, his face between his knees. His fingers are in his own hair, yanking at the strands on the back of his head, close to his scalp. He's trying to take deep breaths, trying to calm down, trying to remind himself that Dan isn't the kind of person who would act the way Arin is afraid he might. Dan wouldn't be disgusted enough to stop speaking to him or to quit. He's not like that. Arin knows he isn't.</p><p>He just can't help how he's feeling.</p><p>Several cars zip past him on the main road, not too far from where his car sits in a mostly empty parking lot. He's already been sitting here for five minutes, but he's slowly calming down. Slowly, but surely.</p><p>When he can finally catch his breath, he slides his legs back into the car and closes the door. He still sits there for a moment, unmoving as his hands grip the wheel and turn his knuckles white, but he eventually pulls out of the parking lot and finishes the drive back home.</p><p>He immediately goes inside when he gets there, getting himself something to drink. His hands are still shaking a little, but his heartbeat has finally slowed. He makes sure not to drop his glass of water as he takes a long sip and then sets what's left on the countertop.</p><p>He should call Suzy, but he doesn't want her to worry even more than she must be already with the way he was acting at Brian's. Honestly, Arin wouldn't be surprised if Brian already told her about the whole killing himself thing, but he hopes that she knows that he wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't; he loves her.</p><p>He settles down on the couch and tries to relax for a moment. It's a bit after 9 now, so he checks the TV and sees what's on. Nothing really, but he watches something anyway. After all, he's not really even paying attention- too busy zoning out.</p><p>The thing that snaps him back to reality is the sound of the doorbell ringing about twenty minutes later. Arin frowns and stands, feeling lightheaded as he makes his way over to his front door and pulls it open.</p><p>Never in a million years had Arin expected to see Dan here right now, standing in front of him, looking nervous and a bit in distress with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth and his face and hair partially illuminated by the porch light in an oddly pretty way. The younger man is so shocked that he doesn't even know what to say- he really didn't think he'd be seeing Dan this soon.</p><p>"Dan," tumbles out first as he blinks stupidly, "You're... what are you doing here?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I know it's late, Arin," Dan starts, his curls bouncing a little when he lifts his head higher, "But can I come in?"</p><p>Arin nods wordlessly, probably looking dumbfounded as he steps aside and lets the older man into his home, closing the door behind him. When Arin turns to look at him, he almost wishes he hadn't. Dan looks so... worried, nervous, stressed out and pained in a way, all at the same time- Arin can't think of the proper word to describe how the older looks right now, but it's strange to see him like this. Arin hasn't seen this side of him in a long time.</p><p>Neither speak at first, but then Dan breaks the silence. "So I talked to Suzy," he says, scratching the back of his head, "And I talked to Brian, too. Suzy told me some things about you, some things about what you guys apparently talked about, and Brian gave me some advice. Part of me... wanted to come sooner to talk, but... I didn't know how to. I couldn't do it. But I'm here now, so... let's talk about things."</p><p>"Alright," Arin murmurs, leaning against the door. He feels nervous as he lets his eyes roam over the older man for a moment, but he forces himself to look away. "I'm listening."</p><p>"Just... to start things off," Dan begins again, standing awkwardly in the middle of the walkway, "How are you? How have you been? Be honest, and tell me everything."</p><p>Arin shrugs, biting down on the inside of his cheek. "If you want me to be honest, then shitty," he answers, eyes falling to the floor as he shifts from one foot to the other. "I, um... I'm sure you heard from Brian about me driving drunk over to his house and talking about killing myself even though I had- have no plans to- I was being stupid, as always. I had a hangover yesterday... and oh, um... I recorded some shitty solo let's plays today, and I've been sleeping a lot the past two days. I haven't eaten since Wednesday night and I had an anxiety attack on the drive home tonight because I'm pathetic as fuck and always gotta be a drama queen, so that's fun, right?"</p><p>He lets out a sigh, afraid to see Dan's expression. "You- you should eat, Ar," Dan utters softly, shaking his head as he stands there, looking uncomfortable. "I don't want you to get sick or anything, and about the other things... I'm sorry, Arin, are you okay? Do you want to talk to me about it?"</p><p>Arin manages to shake his head. "Yeah, I'm okay, but no, thanks. We don't need to talk about any of that right now; we can get into all of that unimportant shit later."</p><p>"But it is important-" Dan attempts to argue, but Arin doesn't let him.</p><p>"Dan, why did you even come here?" the younger asks him suddenly, interrupting. "If we're going to talk about things, then let's fucking just... get to it already. I'm... I'm not trying to be rude or cold to you or anything, but I'm just really tired and I honestly want to get this over with, so please don't ask me how I'm doing and don't make me fucking talk about what's going on with myself. Say what you have to say- what you really came to say."</p><p>He knows that the only reason Dan is here is to tell him that he forgives him and they can still be friends, even if it'll be awkward, and honestly Arin would rather just be done with it all already so he can have time to be alone and process it better and think about how to act from now on.</p><p>"I can just go and come back another time," Dan tells him, but Arin stops him from coming closer to the door with a firm hand to his chest. Dan looks down at it and stops.</p><p>"No, just talk now. You're already here, so... so don't waste the trip. What do you want to say, Dan? Tell me."</p><p>It's kind of an excuse- he honestly just doesn't want Dan to go yet. He's missed him so much and even seeing him is helping a little. All Arin wants is for him to stay and tell him that everything will be okay between them. He just wants for it to be better, but the selfish part of him wants more than that. He wants more than what Dan is willing to give.</p><p>Dan reaches up and moves Arin's hand off of his chest gently, but instead of letting go, he holds the younger's hand in his own. Arin looks at where their fingers are intertwined, slightly surprised, but he tries not to let it show on his face. His hopes are higher than he knows they should be right now, and it's scary.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Arin," Dan finally murmurs with a soft exhale. "I'm sorry for the way I walked out on you like that the other night. I... I didn't mean to be such an asshole about it."</p><p>Arin shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "No, no," he says as his eyes stay locked onto the floor, "I fuckin' completely deserved it. I'm sorry for, um... for what I did."</p><p>"No, don't be sorry, Ar," Dan replies, squeezing Arin's fingers a little. "It's just that I... When you... when you kissed me, I... got scared. I got scared and I ran away, and it was such a shitty thing to do to you, and I didn't mean it."</p><p>"What scared you?" Arin whispers, finally meeting Dan's eyes with his own.</p><p>Dan shrugs with a smile, his eyes full of tears when he breathes out, "There was a brief second where I realized that... I liked the feeling of your lips on mine- a brief second where I thought about you, about us together, about... taking things further, and it scared the fucking shit out of me, Arin, because you know me- I don't really like guys in that way. I never could've fucking imagined myself seriously kissing another guy and enjoying it, and the fact that I did... it terrified and disgusted me at first, so I pushed you away."</p><p>Arin bites his lip, deciding not to interrupt with his questions or concerns.</p><p>"And then my next thoughts were of Suzy. She's my friend and I couldn't help but feel like I made you cheat on her in a way, and it made me feel awful and sick to my stomach. That was part of the reason I was so angry when I left, and I didn't know what to do about it. And then she called me when I was right around the corner from my house, and we talked. She helped me calm down a little."</p><p>"And then...?" Arin asks as they slowly make their way over to the couch in the front room and sit down. Dan holds Arin's hand tighter as he continues to speak.</p><p>"Then," Dan begins again, "I told her what happened, and that I was sorry, but she said that she already knew- she'd just talked to you and you were really upset. She then went on to explain to me the reason why you'd started getting depressed again before you talked to her- she... informed me of your feelings, and... she explained to me the deal you two made. About me."</p><p>Arin nods slowly, a little embarrassed, but he wants Dan to go on anyway.</p><p>"She asked me why I acted the way I did, and told me that you said that it really hurt you. Of course I felt like shit over it, but she told me that you would forgive me, and then asked me again so I told her the truth; I was scared that I could end up being gay or bisexual and having feelings for you- another man.</p><p>"I confessed that maybe I'd thought about it before, but I always told myself that it wasn't a serious thing and shrugged it off like it was nothing. Every joke we made about sex and every time you asked me to kiss you, every time we slept beside each other, every time you ended up in my arms or in my lap, every pet name we gave each other... I had to convince myself that all of this was normal best friend shit and didn't mean anything more, but deep down I knew that we were closer and acted a lot more fuckin' different than what's normal for even best friends.</p><p>"Like when we smoked that weed together the other day. I knew that shotgunning was an intimate thing that couples do, yet I dared myself to ask you to do it anyway and made up an excuse in my head to make it okay. And maybe I noticed how disappointed you were when I said that we weren't going to kiss, but I pushed that all away and convinced myself that I was imagining things."</p><p>Arin's quiet, not really sure where this is going so he just waits instead of speaking, listening carefully.</p><p>"So anyway, back to what I was saying, Scuze told me to think about things, and maybe give it a shot. And after I got home and after I spoke with her, I slept on what she said the best I could and in the morning, I asked Brian to meet with me so I could talk about it with someone else, too, and get a second opinion. He listened to me and gave me some advice in his own way, and his words almost echoed Suzy's- except he said that I should do what I feel is best and what is good for my heart or something, whatever the fuck that means, and again, I was left torn on what to do. I spent most of yesterday and today trying to figure it all out."</p><p>"So, if you're here, then you must've figured out something," Arin concludes, taking a deep breath. Dan gives a nod.</p><p>"Yeah, I um..." he starts, but pauses, his curls bouncing around as he looks down at his lap and tries to get the words out. "I'm still trying to figure out how I'm feeling- about my sexuality, about you, but what I do know is that despite all that, I still... want to try."</p><p>Arin's heart is pounding, unsure if he understands what he's hearing right. "You... what?" he questions blankly, "Are you fucking with me?"</p><p>Dan flushes, embarrassed. "Goddammit, Arin, no," he sighs, but then he smiles a little, shaking his head. "I really... wanna try. To be with you. In... in a relationship."</p><p>Arin blinks, looking confused and dumbfounded. "Dan, are you fucking serious right now, dude?"</p><p>Dan rolls his eyes, giggling. "Well, yeah," he says softly, "But like... m- maybe we could... start things off slow, I guess? Like with everything we used to do, except... I dunno, maybe we could hold hands more often, and give longer hugs and cuddles and like... go on dates. Shit like that, but just for now. Later, when I'm more comfortable, we can try other things, like kissing... or whatever. What do you think?"</p><p>His eyes meet the younger's, and Arin sits up straighter, his own eyes widened. "Holy shit, you're serious," he whispers as it just now hits him how real it is, running a hand through his hair. Dan smacks him really hard on the arm for it.</p><p>"Yes, I'm fucking serious, you idiot. I've only said that two or three times already."</p><p>"Shut up! I'm just... shocked. I don't know how to even respond to any of this shit, dude. Holy fuck, my head is whirring right now."</p><p>Dan tilts his head. "You could fuckin' say yes," he suggests with a shrug. "Unless you don't like the idea."</p><p>Arin grins, shoving him playfully. "Of course I'm gonna say yes, you fuckin' doof," the younger man tells him, pulling him in for a hug. "Goddammit, Dan, I... I love you so much. Thank you for giving me a chance. You... you don't understand how fucking happy this makes me."</p><p>"Thank your wife," Dan responds seriously, holding Arin just a little tighter. "If she hadn't called me, then I probably would still be at home, freaking out. She convinced me to try it, and see how I feel. So that's what I'm gonna do."</p><p>Arin bites his lip as they separate, his thumb brushing against Dan's cheekbone. "Fuck, I wanna kiss you right now," he admits, his eyes unable to stay away from the older now that he pretty much has permission to look, "But I won't until you tell me that's what you want. Not again. I feel really bad for freaking you out and making you pretty much rethink everything. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Hey," Dan murmurs, brushing the hair away from Arin's eyes, "Don't be sorry. If you hadn't done that, I'd still fuckin' be in total denial and would've been for the rest of my life probably. But I should be the one apologizing anyway- I shouldn't have left like that, leaving you all alone when I know how you get when that happens. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"</p><p>"Of course I fucking forgive you," Arin breathes out, his forehead resting against Dan's chest. "How could I not? I know you didn't mean it. You don't know how fucked up I was without you around and I... I don't want you to go away again."</p><p>Dan doesn't say anything to that, but he does pull Arin closer, and he does speak again after a moment. "Don't be afraid to like... push me a little, okay?" When Arin looks up at him to figure out what that means, Dan's eyes fall away from him. "I know that it's not wrong or disgusting for me to like another guy- it's not wrong or disgusting for me to have feelings for you, but it doesn't mean it's easy for me. All of this is so new to me, so scary, and more than likely I'm going to start doubting everything and I don't want to freak out and think that it's bad, because it's not. So if for any reason I start to grow more distant, push me a little, don't give up on me, because I really am trying hard, Arin. I am, and I will continue to."</p><p>"I understand, and I won't give up," Arin starts, his fingers digging into Dan's jacket, "Just promise me you'll let me know when I'm going too far for you, okay? Don't like... be afraid to tell me to back off."</p><p>Dan nods, and then slowly leans forward with a shaky breath, pressing a soft kiss to Arin's cheek. "That sounds good to me, big cat, so... I promise, if you do."</p><p>"I promise," Arin whispers back.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think after this is where it starts to seem rushed, so I'm apologizing in advance. thank you all for the wonderful comments, they mean everything to me and make me feel so happy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ngl i forgot about this chapter sGSHDGDJ ,,,,,, NSFW warning</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They stay there like that for a bit longer, talking softly until Arin asks if Dan wants to stay the rest of the night. Dan agrees, but his condition is that Arin has to eat something, so they end up in the kitchen and Arin eats something light but filling, while Dan helps himself to the snacks in the cabinet. Afterwards, Arin excuses himself to give Suzy a call, slipping away outside through the sliding glass door in the living room.</p><p>They talk over the phone for a while. Arin tiredly explains to her the good news and Dan's conditions but doesn't forget to apologize for his behavior and for making her worry. He says that things still don't feel amazing, but they're better than they have been, and he thanks her for all her help, letting her know that he loves and misses her.</p><p>He rejoins Dan not long after, and they sit down and play a game together and just have a fun time, easily slipping back into things like nothing happened at all. When they get tired, they head into Arin and Suzy's room to put on a movie in case they fall asleep while watching something.</p><p>Under the warm blankets, they hold each other close. Arin's head rests upon Dan's shoulder, with Dan's cheek pressing against the younger's crown. Their fingers connect easily, and though they're watching a movie and though they're sleepy, they talk some more, making each other giggle softly and smile like idiots.</p><p>Part of Arin is afraid that Dan's going to eventually change his mind and that this won't work out, but for now he tries not to think about it, just allowing himself to enjoy his time here with his best friend and potential lover while he can.</p><p>Saturday comes and goes like it's nothing. It's not a bad day or anything, but very slow. Instead of lying around all day, they decide to get back to work at the office, where things can feel a lot more normal for them, so that they can record a few episodes in advance until it's time to leave.</p><p>Arin doesn't want to be sleeping alone again, but he also doesn't want to make Dan uncomfortable so soon, especially since they're technically in public and they're not planning on saying anything yet to anyone about whatever this relationship is now. So Arin doesn't suggest that Dan spend the last night with him tonight, he doesn't hug him goodbye or kiss his cheek or tell him that he loves him like he wants to. He just lets Dan go his separate way with a small smile, a wave, and a "drive safe, Dan, I'll see you tomorrow."</p><p>"Are you sure you want to be alone?" Dan asks him then, his fingers curling around the door handle. "I know how you get."</p><p>"It's okay, I'll manage," Arin insists with a dismissive wave of his hand and a nervous chuckle, opening up his own door. "You go home and get some rest and don't fuckin' worry about me, okay? Goodnight, Danny."</p><p>Dan frowns a little, but he nods. "Okay," he says, unsure and reluctant. "Goodnight, Arin."</p><p>Arin leaves after Dan does. The drive home gives him some time to think, but his insecurities are what rise to the surface first. He tries his best to ignore them until he gets to his house, where he can drown them out and forget about them until the morning.</p><p>He stops to pick up liquor on his way home, and he doesn't touch the bottle he buys that now sits on the front seat until he's taking it inside; he's not going to drink and drive again.</p><p>And when he sits on his couch to drink and play games and forget what's going on in his head, he feels good, a lot better. He almost wishes that he could call Dan over to hang out, even, but decides against it and eventually just heads upstairs to bed.</p><p>He pauses on his way, coming to a stop in front of the guest bedroom and then he gently pushes open the door. It's still a mess from when Dan was sleeping in it- Arin hasn't touched anything in here since then.</p><p>He feels dizzy as he steps inside, staggering - in his somewhere between drunk and tipsy state - over to the bed. The sheets are only barely on and the pillows are out of place, but Arin runs his fingers over all of it. It all somehow still smells like Dan, despite him being absent from the room for three days, and Arin breathes in, his mind going back to the other night where Dan sat, leaning against the headboard with his eyes heavy, and the sheets around his hips with his chest full of small curls exposed to the cool air as the soft, glowing light from the lamp washed over him and painted him with golden highlights.</p><p>Fuck, thinking back to it turns Arin on so much that his heart is pounding and he can hear it, he can feel it everywhere- in the tips of his fingers, his head, his wrists, between his thighs, and his chest where it's the strongest.</p><p>It's like he blacks out, because he doesn't remember getting on the bed or unbuttoning his shirt or undoing his shorts. When did his fingers wind up in his own hair, tugging on the strands? When did he spread his thighs wide open, and when did he start touching himself? He draws in a quick, sharp breath at the feeling of it all, his mouth falling open just a little, but no sound escaping. His toes curl against the bunched up sheets and blankets and he twitches just a bit, his legs shaking and heart racing.</p><p>He bites down hard on his own lip as his hand works fast on his cock and his mind wanders to Dan again, but this time, Arin lets himself imagine him differently, allows a dumb fantasy of the older man to play out in his brain if it's going to help get him off faster.</p><p>Dan, leaning against the headboard like the other night. His eyes meet Arin's until the younger man climbs into bed, into Dan's lap like he weighs nothing. Dan gently brushes a thumb against Arin's lip, brings him closer to kiss him softly on the mouth. Arin deepens it as Dan's hands move to underneath the younger's shirt, fingertips ghosting against the skin there.</p><p>Arin, in reality, lets go of his own hair and runs his fingers over his body, touching himself in every sensitive place he knows he has to make himself jerk and gasp and whine inaudibly, swearing under his breath when he imagines that it's Dan touching him in all of these places, imagines that Dan is the one to make his stomach flutter in pleasure like this.</p><p>He imagines Dan whispering to him in a low voice as his fingers brush across his skin, imagines Dan kissing him deeply and pinning his wrists above his head, imagines Dan's fingers in his hair and tugging as his lips move to his exposed neck. Arin's breathing shallowly as he gets closer to the edge, his eyes shut tight enough to start giving him a headache. His back arches a little, and his wrist is starting to get tired but he pushes through.</p><p>He imagines Dan kissing his tummy, eyelashes brushing lightly against the skin and tickling him. Dan, kissing his inner thighs to make his heart beat faster. Dan, moving to put his fingers inside of him.</p><p>Arin comes almost embarrassingly easily at the thought, each touch after the orgasm sensitive in overwhelming waves. He doesn't make a sound, but then again, he's not a very vocal person at all in bed, so the room is weirdly quiet. He goes limp as he comes back to himself, his face feeling too hot and his hand too sticky and it's making him uncomfortable. A wave of nausea hits him and he waits for it to pass before he gets up on wobbly legs, his head spinning from the alcohol.</p><p>He shivers as he makes his way to the bathroom, his heart slowing down while he cleans himself up and hopes he doesn't get any stains on his clothes. He leaves himself a note as a reminder to clean up the guest bedroom in the morning and uses the bathroom before getting undressed all the way and going into his own bedroom to toss the clothes into the hamper, falling into his own clean bed.</p><p>He falls asleep easily somehow despite being alone. Could be from the alcohol or the orgasm, but he isn't really sure and doesn't really care.</p><p>His alarm is what wakes him. He'd forgotten that he was supposed to leave around noon to pick up Suzy at the airport, and right now it's eleven and he's a little hungover again. He groans as he leaves his bed and takes a shower, and then cleans up the sheets with the feeling of guilt, shame and embarrassment hanging over him like some sort of cloud.</p><p>He takes some headache relief because there's no way he's going to be able to deal with traffic otherwise, heads down to the kitchen to eat something small, such as crackers, and then kills the rest of the time until he has to leave by feeding the cats and checking his phone.</p><p>He's planning on picking up Suzy and taking her to lunch before he brings her home to spend the rest of the day with her. He's missed her so much, and he feels he doesn't deserve her after all the fretting he's made her do this past week. He should at least take her out.</p><p>When they get back to the house, though, Arin has to call Dan over- Suzy had said last night that she wanted to just talk to them both, especially Dan, in person to make sure they understand the conditions she has as well, and to make sure everybody's clear on the situation.</p><p>It doesn't take long to get to the airport, but he's waiting there for a while, it seems. In the meantime he texts Dan and tells him that he needs to come and meet him and Suzy at the younger's house in about two and a half hours or so, giving Arin enough time to take Suzy out to lunch and get her home and settled in before Dan gets there.</p><p>The older man agrees to come, but doesn't get why until Arin tells him that Suzy wants to talk to the both of them about this new relationship. Dan mostly just says "okay" and asks Arin to just text him when he wants him to leave his house.</p><p>Eventually, Suzy calls and informs Arin that she made it through security and that she's heading out. He waits for her right outside the building, and when she comes through the glass doors, the first thing Arin can do is kiss her and hug her, lifting her off of the ground and spinning her around before he sets her back down with a small smile.</p><p>"I've missed you," he tells her, and with a tired grin she brushes her fingers against his cheek.</p><p>"I've missed you too, baby," she replies, voice soft. "I've been worried about you, about how you've been doing while I was not able to be with you to comfort you. Are you okay?"</p><p>"I'm okay," he assures her with a nod, grabbing her luggage for her. "Let's get you something to eat and get you home and we'll talk."</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They don't stay out long for lunch- Suzy's exhausted and swears she's not looking her best and honestly just wants to go home, even though Arin thinks she looks amazing all the time, but in any case he gives in and lunch is cut short.</p><p>She rests her eyes on the drive home, music playing quietly to fill the silence. Arin feels a bit sluggish as he drives, but he makes sure to be careful and tries not to disturb Suzy. Once home, he helps her get inside and she immediately kicks off her shoes and heads into the living room, falling onto the one and as well as the middle seat of the couch.</p><p>Arin carries her luggage upstairs for her before he sits down beside her in his usual spot, letting her feet fall into his lap. He rubs them for her, because he cares and she deserves it, and she easily falls asleep, Mimi curled up in her own lap.</p><p>Arin texts Dan to let him know that Suzy is napping now, but as soon as she wakes up, then he can come over. However she doesn't sleep for any longer than about an hour, tops.</p><p>"I'm honestly just feeling so tired," she giggles sleepily as she stretches and then runs her fingers through Mimi's fur. "I haven't been sleeping all that well. I missed you too much."</p><p>He feels like it's also because she's been worrying over him, but he doesn't say that out loud. Instead, he says, "I've missed you too. I couldn't sleep that great either unless I was curled up with Dan or just fuckin' drunk, and the night that neither was the option was kind of hard. I ended up taking medicine to make myself drowsy so I could just sleep in peace."</p><p>She nods sadly. "Yeah, I understand that, really. But I'm here now, so we both will be sleeping better, I hope. Oh, and is Dan coming by at all so that we can talk, or...?"</p><p>"Yeah, I just have to text him and let him know when to leave," Arin tells her, propping up his own feet on the coffee table. "Should I do that now then?"</p><p>"Yeah," she answers, yawning and sitting up a little. "Go ahead and get him over here so we can all sit down and have a chat."</p><p>As Arin types out the message, Suzy watches his hands move. "What happened to your hand?" she then asks, gesturing to the cut from Wednesday. "That looks like it hurts a lot, baby."</p><p>He shrugs and shakes his head. "It doesn't hurt anymore," he insists, which isn't a lie, but he mostly only says it for her benefit. "I accidentally did it when I was making salad the other day. I got a text from Sean and it scared me as I was cutting tomatoes and the knife slipped. I'm okay though."</p><p>She frowns, but doesn't press further. "Oh, you must've forgotten to mention it, but... anyway, I'm glad you're alright, be careful though, babe."</p><p>It doesn't take Dan very long to get to Arin's after the younger man texts him- maybe about ten minutes or so. Arin knows he's here before Dan even gets to the door, and without even knocking, Dan comes right inside, making his way into the living room.</p><p>"Hey Scuze," he greets as she stands to hug him. He gives Arin a shy smile and a small wave, not sure how to greet him with Suzy around as it's still weird for the both of them for this to actually be real.</p><p>Suzy doesn't sit back down on the regular couch, but instead takes a seat on the loveseat and turns slightly so that she's facing the couch, gesturing for Dan to take the seat she previously occupied.</p><p>"How was your trip?" the older man then asks her as he sits down at the opposite end of the couch from Arin, putting Dan closer to the loveseat where Suzy now sits. "Any interesting things happen while at your sister's house?"</p><p>Suzy tucks a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, smiling and shrugging. "The trip was long and tiring as usual," she states, relaxing a little. "Not many interesting things happened, but I did have a great time at my sister's. I missed her a lot, and it was good to see her. I visited briefly with my parents too, and sadly my mom is back in the hospital, but... I can't do much about it."</p><p>Arin gives her a surprised look. "You didn't tell me about your mom," he utters softly, and Suzy nods, a sad expression on her face as she tries not to get teary eyed. Dan just watches them in silence.</p><p>"I didn't want to worry you," she explains, and it makes Arin feel like a total asshole, if he's being honest. "You were already dealing with a lot and I didn't want to add to it, but I should've told you anyway. I'm sorry."</p><p>"No, I'm sorry," Arin sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I should've been better, not as weak- and I shouldn't have been so fuckin' dramatic. Mostly, I should've taken care of myself better so that you weren't so worried about me. I'm sorry I've been selfish, Suze."</p><p>She shakes her head. "You haven't been, but we'll discuss this later."</p><p>"Well, I'm sorry and I hope your mom will be alright," Dan adds to the conversation, and Suzy nods in thanks, a sad smile reappearing on her face. "So, what exactly did you want to talk to me about? Not that I don't mind talking about other things, too, I'm just curious as to what you want to say. Arin was kinda vague when he was mentioning it earlier."</p><p>"Oh," Suzy starts, straightening up a little and leaning forward. She makes a gesture between both of the men on the couch, but then she purses her lips. "You don't mind if I'm just... very blunt and straightforward, do you? I don't want to be crude exactly, but it'll come out the best if I just say what I mean instead of beating around the bush to avoid making anything awkward."</p><p>Dan flushes just a little, but it's not that noticeable and he covers it up with a shrug and a quick shake of the head. "I don't mind at all. I'm sure Arin doesn't either, honestly."</p><p>"Of course I don't," Arin agrees, on the outside seeming very relaxed and a bit confident, but on the inside feeling a tad nervous and unsure. "You can say what you want however you want to. It'll only be awkward if we fuckin' make it that way ourselves."</p><p>"Alright," Suzy sighs with a nod. "Firstly, have you two already talked about like... establishing a relationship? Basically what I'm asking is have you both decided that you want to be boyfriends and have you made it official?"</p><p>Arin and Dan share an unsure look. "Well, I guess we haven't exactly talked about it per se," Dan answers honestly. "We haven't exactly said that we were officially together or anything, but I guess it's kind of unspokenly agreed upon."</p><p>"So you and Arin are boyfriends now, right?"</p><p>Arin looks over at Dan, wanting him to answer for them since it all comes down to how he feels as Arin is fine with anything. Dan's quiet for a moment, but eventually he responds with, "Yeah, I think so. I know that's what he wants and I think that might be what I want, too."</p><p>Arin can't hide the small quirk of his lips at that.</p><p>"So then it's settled," Suzy hums, leaning back against the back of the loveseat. "Dan, tell me what exactly your conditions are, and be honest. Nobody is going to be upset with what you're deciding. I know that things are weird for you right now, so I just want to know how you feel."</p><p>Dan shifts a little awkwardly in his seat. "Well," he begins, his curls bouncing a little with every move he makes, "I mostly just want to start things off slow and basically do everything we did before, but adding like, hand-holding and like maybe occasionally forehead and cheek kisses. Those kinds of things."</p><p>"And what else?" Suzy presses, and Arin finds himself watching Dan and waiting for an answer as she continues with, "What about the things that you find in most relationships, like dates, kissing and sex?"</p><p>"Dates I think I'd be okay with right now," Dan says, his voice soft. "Kissing? I'm not quite yet ready for that, but maybe soon, I don't know, it depends. It's just a little weird for me still to want to kiss another guy and I'm trying to work on getting over that."</p><p>Dan sighs a little. "And sex- shit, I've been pushing the thought of that way far back into my mind. And it's not like it's exactly a problem with Arin; I mean, shit, I guess in a way it is, but Arin's not the problem of course- it's mostly just the fact that Arin has a dick is what's troubling me, but like... I can learn to get over that. It's just... I honestly don't know if I could handle having something... inside of me... if I'm being completely real with you guys. That's more than I think I will ever be able to handle for at least the foreseeable future, because for me right now, it's... really weird and scary. I'd have to think about it really hard before I'd even consider."</p><p>"Well, sorry for being so direct, but uh... what about something like blowjobs or handjobs, or mutual masturbation?" she asks him then as Arin sits back, feeling both a little disappointed and a bit embarrassed at the whole situation, but nobody seems to notice. "How do you feel about those?"</p><p>Dan gives it some thought. "Obviously, I'm not ready for any of that with him yet, but... I'd... probably be okay with mutual masturbation and probably handjobs before anything else. I wouldn't rule out blowjobs though, but it would just take me a long while to get used to the idea of putting a dick in my mouth, is all. Unless I'm the one receiving the BJ, then as selfish as it sounds, I'd be okay with that."</p><p>He laughs a little to try and rid himself of the embarrassment he feels and to lighten the mood. Suzy smiles at him and shakes her head, and Arin watches him carefully, his own lips quirking into a small smile.</p><p>"So you're scared," Suzy finally concludes as if she's some kind of therapist, crossing her arms, "Of, um... of penetrative sex with Arin, mostly, right? That's what really worries you, or is it something else? Is it because you think it'll hurt, or because you're not used to the idea, or...? I'm sorry for prying, I'm just... curious, I guess."</p><p>Dan shrugs. "That's okay. It does worry me, honestly, and I think it's mostly because I'm not exactly ready for that yet because I'm not comfortable with my sexuality right now, and I'm trying to figure it all out. Who knows? My mind could possibly change within the next couple of weeks or something, or maybe it won't. So it's not off the table completely- just... just for now. Just until I decide what I want to do and what I'm comfortable with, you know? That's why I'm waiting with the whole kissing thing even- I just want to be comfortable with the idea first, want to be comfortable with the fact that I like Arin and want to kiss him, but I have to get over the fact that Arin is... well, a guy."</p><p>Suzy nods in understanding. "I get it, Danny," she tells him. "And look, I mean- this might sound weird, and of course you can do whatever you want; you don't have to do whatever I say and you don't ever have to have sex with him if you don't want to and it makes you uncomfortable, but... if it's because you're afraid to have him inside of you, just know that if... well, if that's what you're unsure about, Arin would probably be more than happy to be on bottom." She gives a breathy laugh. "I'm just gonna put that out there."</p><p>Dan doesn't seem surprised, but Arin is laughing just a little, face heating up as a bit of surprise takes over him. "I mean," the younger man starts, "I might have dropped those kinds of hints before, so you probably know... but she's right, I'd do it. For you, mostly, but I wouldn't mind it, and anything is fine by me as long as it's okay with you."</p><p>Arin pauses, but before anyone else can say another word, he continues. "So, if you're scared of having sex and me like, for lack of better words, fucking you, then I won't. I don't wanna fuckin' make you uncomfortable or anything so if you don't want that, then it's not happening. You don't wanna have sex with me? It's not happening, period, okay? Don't feel comfortable kissing me? It's not happening. Same thing goes for everything else you don't want. I'm not gonna violate your space or your trust with unwanted actions again."</p><p>Dan gives a shy yet fond smile, but it holds a smidge of guilt too as if he feels like he's holding Arin back somehow or denying him too much. "I'll keep it in mind, thanks, big cat. And I appreciate that you would respect my wishes and my comfort level and shit and all of that. It really fuckin' means a lot, and... well, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable either, but... it feels wrong of me to promise a relationship but not actually do anything real couples do."</p><p>He pauses for a moment, but then he continues on. "I want to clarify that it's not that I'm afraid to have sex, you know- I've had it before many times as you already know, but never once with a guy and that's... that's really what's making me hesitate. I'm not unwilling to try it, but I'm not up to it right now I think and I'm sure that you're not exactly ready either, as we just started this relationship. I just need to figure out myself and then we can try it. So just... give me some time and let's just keep things slow for now. And when the time comes and I've figured something out, we'll talk about it again, okay? But don't write everything off as if it'll never happen."</p><p>Arin gives a nod in agreement, reaching over to take Dan's hand in his own briefly to give it a squeeze before he lets go.</p><p>"Well, moving away from the sex talk," Suzy starts up again, shifting in her seat. "Do you have any other conditions, Dan?"</p><p>The oldest of them all shakes his head. "No, I think my only real one was to take things slow and mostly just go by my pace until I can figure my shit out and all of that, if that's okay."</p><p>"Okay, well, I have some," Suzy then replies, crossing her legs now. "Most importantly, I don't want Arin to neglect our marriage, but I don't want him to neglect you, either, so we need to balance things out some and perhaps even make a schedule of when we get to spend time with him or something, and if things are starting to go off track, we need to sit down and handle it like adults instead of getting upset about it. Agreed?"</p><p>Arin and Dan both nod in agreement, but Suzy isn't finished. "Good, and secondly," she continues on, "I don't want you to be weird around me, or like hide away your relationship with Arin because you think I'll get upset or get bothered by seeing it- I won't. You can kiss him in front of me or hold his hand or whatever, and I won't be upset by it. Another thing is though that I want to be informed of any major thing happening between the two of you, no matter who tells me and no matter what it is."</p><p>She takes a deep breath. "Look, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm intruding, but I don't want to be out of the loop on any big changes between you both, you know- and that includes the first date, the second kiss - though the first while you're in a relationship- and the first sexual encounter or any with big changes, and like any big arguments if they occur or any big thing that happens... I want to know all of it. If you'd rather not tell me up front, then Arin will have to and it'll be discreet- but I just want to know what happens. And I especially need to be informed if like down the road you want to live with us or something, or if you want to take Arin somewhere for a long amount of time. Those are things we all would have to discuss together. But... yeah, you get me- just things like that. The major shit. I don't think that's too much to ask."</p><p>"Okay," Dan agrees easily, because that's fair. She's not really asking much considering she's giving up part of her exclusive relationship with Arin so that they all can be happy. "Is there anything else, Scuze?"</p><p>Suzy shrugs, but then she sighs. "Maybe just let me know before you tell anyone about your relationship though, if possible. And always know that if you need to, you can talk to me about your relationship with Arin too. It's not gonna be weird and it won't bother me, and I'll do the same with you. Other than all of that, there's really nothing else and anything else goes. If you're not sure about something, all you gotta do is ask me."</p><p>"Alright, sounds good to me."</p><p>"Me too," Arin finally adds to the conversation. With that, the deal is made and they change the topic to other things, all relaxing a bit easier now that all the major things have been discussed and handled.</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"when i'm away, i will remember how you kissed me<br/>under the lamppost back on sixth street,<br/>hearing you whisper through the phone,<br/>"wait for me to come home"."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dan stays for dinner and Arin cooks since Suzy is so tired still. He makes stuff that's easy and quick to cook and whatever uses the least amount of dishes- so mostly grilled cheese sandwiches. Dan helps since he doesn't have much else to do besides awkwardly sit around or bother Suzy while she's sleepy.</p><p>After eating, they all settle down on the couch and put on a movie- Arin slumps against Dan's chest while Suzy leans on him, her head resting on Arin's stomach. Dan gently kisses the lightly scarring area on Arin's forehead as Suzy drifts off to sleep, and for the moment, everything is kind of... perfect.</p><p>When the movie ends they put on another, but after the second one, Dan figures he should go home since Suzy sits up and rubs her eyes and asks Arin if he's coming to bed with her or staying up longer, and he'd feel bad for keeping Arin up and away from her.</p><p>She lets Dan know that he can stay in the guest bedroom if he wants instead of going home, but Arin almost protests when he remembers that the bed isn't made up because of his little incident and he goes pink in the face at the thought, wondering if he should say anything about it or not. Though he figures that the sheets should've been washed anyway and he reckons he could easily use that as an excuse if either of them ask about the sheets being gone.</p><p>"I can help you make up the bed, dude," Arin offers in an attempt to get Dan to stay as well, but the older man seems unsure. Maybe he's scared that he's intruding or something, when he should know he isn't. "You should really just sleep here tonight since it got so late and everything. It's not a problem, obviously."</p><p>"Are you sure, man?" Dan asks worriedly, frowning. "I just want to make sure I'm not being a fuckin' bother or something because you've spent so much time with me this week and I don't want to take time away from you and Suzy too. We just talked about this."</p><p>Suzy waves her hand with a yawn. "Aw, Danny, don't worry about that!" she tells him, because she thought she made it clear that him being around and doing shit with Arin didn't bother her, but she guesses he might just need some reassurance. "I'm too tired to spend any real time with him right now. I am interested in spending time with my bed though."</p><p>She laughs, and it makes Dan smile a little and has him feeling a bit less tense than before.</p><p>Arin steps closer to him then and gently takes his hand, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the scar on Dan's eyebrow. "So, are you staying?" he asks, and Dan just shrugs and nods with a grin, throwing his hands up in defeat.</p><p>"Fuckin'... yeah, alright, I'll stay."</p><p>Arin grins as well, stepping back to give Dan some space. "Good. I'm gonna help Suzy upstairs and then help you make up the bed in the guest bedroom."</p><p>With another nod, Dan sits back down on the couch and Arin walks a tired Suzy towards the stairs. She waves goodnight to Dan before they disappear from sight for a little bit. Arin returns not much longer after, turning off some of the unneeded lights on his way to where Dan waits for him in the living room. He quickly brushes by and heads into the laundry room, where he pulls out the now clean sheets from the dryer.</p><p>Arin nods towards the stairs, so Dan shuts off the TV and the lights and follows as the younger heads up. Arin flicks on the light in the guest bedroom and passes Dan the pillow cases while he works on putting the sheet on the large bed. Dan tosses the pillows at Arin, who laughs before he arranges them however.</p><p>He helps Dan put on the top sheet and the comforter, and then the bed is all made up. Dan falls backwards onto it, stretched out completely.</p><p>"Ah, comfy," he sighs with a smile. Arin watches him, wanting so badly to lean down and capture his lips in a kiss, but of course he doesn't. Dan is quiet for a moment, but then he sits up a little, a weird expression on his face. "Do you wanna take a walk with me, maybe?"</p><p>Arin blinks, but then he nods a little. "Alright."</p><p>Soon enough after Arin lets Suzy know he's leaving for a moment, they're out walking on the surprisingly well lit streets. It's a bit chilly, but Arin doesn't mind.</p><p>"Whatcha thinkin' about?" he asks Dan finally as they take slow steps on the sidewalk. "You look like you've got something on your mind, dude."</p><p>Dan shrugs. "I'm just thinking about... all the times when we've joked about shit, and how they weren't really jokes after all," he says simply, lips pursed a little. Arin swallows and hums a little, running a hand through his hair as he listens. "Every time you asked me to kiss you, every time we joked about having sex, every time that we said that we loved each other, when we cuddled or comforted each other, the way you looked at me. It should've been obvious, so... how did I not notice?"</p><p>"You said yourself," Arin begins to explain with a shrug, "That you just kinda blocked your feelings out or whatever and like... made yourself think things differently and convinced yourself that nothing was out of the ordinary. Plus, I've always done that shit, so it's normal."</p><p>Dan gives him a look. "Not always," he argues a little. "The way you've been looking at me has been different, but I never picked up on it. When your not-quite-jokes would fail, you'd seem to be disappointed. You seemed more careful than usual too. Either I did notice and blocked it out, or I didn't and I'm just a fuckin' idiot."</p><p>"Maybe a little of both," Arin jokes lightheartedly, and Dan shoves him playfully with a smile. "I mean, yeah, I wasn't exactly subtle, but I did try to play everything off as just a joke and sometimes, I'd just slip up and get so scared you'd notice, but you'd brush it off easily, leaving me both relieved and disappointed."</p><p>Dan frowns. "Arin?" he whispers suddenly, coming to a complete stop beneath a lamppost, so Arin hums in response to encourage him to go on, stopping just a bit ahead of him and looking back. "When did you stop joking and start meaning the shit you said? When did you start wanting me to say "yes" to kissing you or other things? When did you start meaning "I love you" in a different way?" He pauses momentarily, and in a small voice, he asks, "How long have I been hurting you?"</p><p>"Hey," Arin says immediately, quickly pulling Dan in close. The guilty expression on his face is too much for Arin to look at without feeling like he caused it. He guesses, in a way, that he is the cause. "You've not been fuckin' hurting me, Danny, I promise. I was hurting myself by refusing to let go even when it seemed the most impossible. It made me so depressed again, but I'm glad I never gave up, 'cause look where I'm at right now! I'm with you, right where I should be, where I want to be, and I just know that I'm gonna get happier just being around you more, knowing exactly what I mean when I tell you that I love you and having you loving me the same way. I wouldn't trade anything or do anything different, trust me."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Dan asks, pulling away to look at Arin's face to tell if he's lying or not. "I just feel so awful for everything. Whether unknowingly or not, I led you on when I had no intention of being with you. I joked around because I didn't realize that you were serious, and then when the truth came out and I just flipped the fuck out and I-"</p><p>"Danny," Arin interrupts, pressing a kiss to his forehead and then looking him in the eyes, "It's okay now. You don't have to feel bad because you didn't fuckin' do anything wrong. But if it really makes you feel better, I forgive you and it's okay. I don't blame you for anything, so don't blame yourself. I love you, and I completely understand."</p><p>"Fuck," Dan whispers, trying not to cry. "Alright, okay. I'm sorry. I just can't help but to feel even a little guilty for it, but if you insist that it's okay, then... I'll try to fuckin' forget about it."</p><p>"Good," Arin says with a small smile. "But for the record, I don't know how long it's been since I've stopped joking. I guess it must've been whenever I fell in love with you."</p><p>Dan's eyes meet his. There's a moment where nothing happens, and Dan looks absolutely gorgeous in this golden light and it makes Arin's breath catch in his throat. He wonders what Dan thinks of him right now, if the older man is seeing him the same way that he sees Dan or not.</p><p>Though he doesn't dwell on that thought for long when Dan leans forward and kisses Arin on the lips- softly, gently, like he's afraid, but trying not to be in the heat of the moment. Arin's surprised, and before he has a chance to think or register what's happened, Dan's lips are gone from his.</p><p>"Sorry," Dan murmurs, a little panicked as he's still not used to wanting to kiss Arin like this, especially since they're in public, where anyone can see. "Sorry, I know I just broke my own rule or condition, or what the fuck ever, but... I really felt like I needed to do that right now, so I did. It's still a little strange for me, though, especially with your facial hair. I, um... I'm sorry..."</p><p>Dan laughs a little and backs off. "Don't apologize for kissing me," Arin tells him, his heart beating too fast. "You can do it whenever you want to."</p><p>Dan shrugs then, frowning. "I feel like I'm being a fuckin' tease and it's... it's not fair to you, Ar."</p><p>"Dude, it's fine," Arin insists then, biting down on his lower lip. "I don't mind at all. I'm okay with waiting until you're ready, until you're comfortable with me. I wish I could make it easier for you to love me, but unfortunately I'm not a girl and I'll never be one, so I'm sorry that it's so hard for you and I can't really do shit about it to make it any easier."</p><p>"Aw, big cat," Dan utters sadly, reaching for Arin's hands. "Please don't say it like that, babe. It's not that it's hard to love you, it's hard for me to do that and feel like it's okay, hard for me to feel comfortable with myself. The problem isn't exactly even you. It's me."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Arin apologizes now, rubbing at his eyes. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that- so guilt-trippy, but... I do mean it. 'Cause if I could make it easier for you to love me, I would- if I could make you feel okay with all of this, in a fucking heartbeat, I would. I wish I wasn't putting you through the whole rethinking your sexuality thing though; it's hard enough when you're just feeling unsure because you just are, but when you've got someone who is kind of putting pressure on you in a way, it's gotta be a lot fuckin' tougher, and I'm sorry for that."</p><p>"It's okay, Arin- it's not like I could keep hiding how I really felt about us forever. Eventually, I would've broken, and it could've been really fuckin' bad. You helped me out by making me face it now instead of hiding it from even myself for however long it would've taken for me to break. So thank you."</p><p>"You're giving me too much credit, man," Arin says with a small smile, shaking his head.</p><p>Dan reaches forward and brushes a strand of Arin's hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear; Arin always loves when he does it.</p><p>"Or not enough credit," Dan laughs a little, and it's his turn to press a kiss to Arin's forehead, right where he hit his head and is now healing. The older makes a face, so Arin gives him a questioning look. "I just had a thought, sorry."</p><p>"Was it bad or something?"</p><p>Dan shakes his head a little, but then he shrugs and smiles shyly and then they continue walking again. "I mean... it was about when you fell down the stairs. I just thought about if like... fuck, what if you'd lost your memory or something? How fucked up would that be? I'd have to explain to you who everyone is, what Game Grumps is, everything that we do and that you do. You'd have probably forgotten that you loved me, and things could've been so different."</p><p>Arin dismisses that with a wave of his hand. "Dude, if I didn't know who you were or anything else, I wouldn't have known about the things I risked losing by being in love with you and by making a move, and I probably would've done all that shit way earlier." Dan seems a bit skeptical, so Arin just smiles. "I mean, honestly, if I could fuckin' fall in love with you once, why not twice, right?"</p><p>"It's so weird to hear you say that you're in love with me," Dan confesses, somehow seeming to change the subject easily.</p><p>"Do you want me to stop?" Arin asks him, letting go of Dan's hand and coming to a stop again. "Because I can and I will if it'll make you a bit more comfortable."</p><p>"God, no, you don't have to," Dan sighs, coming closer and hiding his face in Arin's shoulder. "I'm already feeling bad enough by asking so damn much of you, so you can have that at least. Honestly, there must be something fuckin' wrong with you for you to be okay with me being so selfish like this. You should just say "never mind" now while you can."</p><p>Arin hums. "If I do that, then I guess I don't really love you," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't want to give up, but do you want to call it quits? Because I understand if you do, and I won't be mad at you."</p><p>"I don't," Dan answers honestly as Arin wraps his arms around him. "I wanna try to be with you, I really do. I mean it. So if you don't want to back out, then I don't either. I'm sorry that I'm asking a lot of you though."</p><p>"You can make it up to me later when you're comfortable- in kisses, that is." For emphasis, he kisses the mess of curls on top of Dan's head.</p><p>The older of the two giggles, looking at the younger. "Mhm, sure you only want kisses, and not anything sexy. I can see right through you, Arin; this guy you're talking to right now is the same guy who also is Danny Sexbang, you silly bastard. Did you forget or something?"</p><p>Arin laughs a little, flushing and shaking his head. "Well, I can't help the fact that you're sexy. But I'll tell you what- you can just make it up to me however you want, then. Sound fair?"</p><p>"Alright," Dan replies, smiling as he pulls away from Arin a little, but then they start walking back towards Arin's house. After a moment, Dan finally adds, "Though depending on how I feel when I decide, it could still end up being sexy, or it could totally not be. You won't know. Hell, I probably won't either."</p><p>"Well, whatever it is that you decide, dude," Arin begins, "I'm still gonna love it, because it's something you picked, and I mean- I love you, so..."</p><p>Dan playfully hits Arin's arm as his face heats up. "Oh shut the fuck up, Hanson. Let's go back to your house already and go to bed, you giant sappy fuck."</p><p>Arin chuckles, intertwining his fingers with Dan's again, hoping that it's okay. "Well, fine then," he murmurs lovingly, a grin stretched across his face. "Let's go back to my house so that you can sleep, Avidan."</p><p>Dan giggles a little, and once they make it back to Arin's, they say their goodnights and part ways for the night. Arin informs Suzy of the kiss and she's clearly happy for him, asking him how it was. As they turn out their light, Arin has Dan on his mind as he drifts off to sleep, wondering if Dan's thinking about him, too.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They don't get to spend all that much time together after that. Between going to the office to do Game Grumps or other work, and Dan working on music with Brian, they never really get alone time to themselves. All they get with each other here and there is a lingering gaze and a knowing, fond smile, and perhaps a brush of their fingers together.</p><p>Though Arin tries, he can't easily hide his disappointment when he's reminded a couple of days later that Dan and Brian are going on tour very soon. Very soon as in within the next day or so. He tries to find the time to spend with Dan before then, but Dan is still unfortunately busy, and Arin doesn't really get to see him until he's taking him and Brian to the airport.</p><p>Arin isn't sure if Brian knows about them or not, but if he does, it's either because he easily guessed after what happened when Arin was drunk and when Dan talked to him, or because either Dan or Suzy told him. Not knowing what Brian knows or doesn't know makes it hard for Arin to talk about anything without feeling like he might give them away, so despite how much he wants to talk, he remains quiet.</p><p>And even though it's their last bit of time together until Dan returns from the tour, nothing really happens. Dan doesn't take his hand and hold it tightly, doesn't make conversation with him. Arin wonders if it's because of Brian in the backseat, but either way, it's quiet and Arin kind of hates it right now.</p><p>He hates the feeling he gets when they're finally arriving at the airport. It's like some sort of sinking feeling, like there's a pit in his stomach. He feels like he might throw up or have an anxiety attack, but nothing happens. He just wants to ask Dan to stay, but he knows that he can't.</p><p>So instead he walks them inside the building, trying to plaster a fake smile on his face but failing, ending up just looking like he's in pain instead. Dan and Brian have to go through security, so they stop right before they reach the area where Arin has to leave them.</p><p>They all kind of stand there awkwardly, but Brian seems to pick up on something and senses they want to be alone. "I'm gonna go ahead, Danny," he tells his friend with a small smile, and then waves his goodbye to Arin and heads over to pass through.</p><p>Dan fiddles with the handle of his luggage, frowning. Arin runs a hand through his own hair, and then they both just kind of look at each other, and Arin feels his breath catching.</p><p>"I'm gonna miss you so fucking bad," the younger admits, trying not to tear up because he can't fucking cry in an airport because Dan's leaving for a little while. This isn't the first tour he's gone on and it won't be the last, yet it feels so different now that they're together- it's a lot harder to see him go, and all Arin can hope for is that it'll just get easier to be apart from him for long amounts of time in the future.</p><p>"I'm gonna miss you too, big cat," Dan replies softly, forcing a smile even though it's clear that he's just not feeling it. "But I'll be back before you know it. Just don't think about it so much, okay?"</p><p>"But you're gonna be gone for like a damn month to a month and a half at the very least," Arin protests, though he just sounds sad and pathetic when he does. "Maybe even longer, and that's such a long time."</p><p>"Hey," Dan murmurs gently, trying to comfort him. He steps a little closer and pulls Arin into a hug. "I know it's different for us both now, but trust me, I'll be back soon- probably like three weeks to a month, tops, but not a goddamn second longer. And I'll fuckin' make sure to call you often or video chat when I have some free time so that you don't miss me too much, okay?"</p><p>Arin gives a slight nod, holding Dan tighter if possible.</p><p>"And if it helps," Dan whispers as he pulls back, wanting to brush Arin's hair out of his eyes or hold his hand, but not in public, so he instead gives a warm smile, "I'm going to make you a promise right now, that the first thing I'm going to do when I get back home is kiss you breathless. So... just wait until then- wait for me to come home."</p><p>"You'd better," Arin pouts just a little, biting down on his bottom lip. "Fuck, I... I guess I'll see you soon, Danny."</p><p>It's Dan's turn to give a nod, turning slightly away to go through security. "Yeah," he agrees, looking back at Arin. "I'll see you soon, baby. I promise."</p><p>And then Dan passes through security and disappears into a sea of other people, and Arin is left standing there in the airport like some sort of lost child. He eventually leaves before people start giving him weird looks or before someone recognizes him, though.</p><p>And once he's home, the first thing he does is hug Suzy tightly. Being apart from Dan was never something Arin worried about until now, and he's not even sure why he's feeling the worry and the sadness from being away from him out of nowhere like this. Perhaps it's because they're together now, and Arin's just going to miss him terribly- more than usual.</p><p>Though it's only the first couple of days that could really be considered bad, and after Arin just gets used to it again like he normally would before. Dan does call, like he may have or may not have promised, but it's not as often as Arin has hoped it would be, and on top of that the calls are short and they don't really get to talk about too much. Dan is usually tired and needs to rest his voice, and Arin gets that, but it's still... disappointing.</p><p>The first video call comes after two weeks since Dan's left, and it's early in the day- way before the show, so it's a bit easier to talk. Arin's in his office when he gets it, and it brightens up his day. He missed Dan's face, truthfully, missed his smile. They don't get to talk for very long, but it's enough for Arin and it alone boosts his spirits for the next couple of days.</p><p>A month passes. A second one, too. Arin finds he's waiting longer and longer than he thought he'd be. Dan still calls every now and then, and they talk about anything and everything when he does. Dan keeps apologizing for being gone longer than he'd hoped and Arin keeps forgiving him. Things are okay.</p><p>Dan keeps making promises to not keep Arin waiting any longer- for him to come home, for him to give himself to the relationship so they can be like any other couple. He insists on it, he says it doesn't matter if he's uncomfortable or not because he thinks Arin's feelings matter, too.</p><p>Things somehow manage to get harder the closer it gets to Dan coming back though. Arin's impatience and excitement to see him again make every single day feel like it goes on forever, which isn't what he wants. He tries not to think about Dan coming home soon, but he always manages to and it always makes the days go by slower and slower.</p><p>Things get even harder one late night when Brian texts Arin a video that he took of Dan onstage at the show they'd just finished up a few minutes or so before Arin got the text in. The audio is absolute garbage due to all the noise happening at once - the music, the crowd, Dan's singing - but it's not exactly the audio that Arin's focused on.</p><p>No, it's the way that Dan looks, the way he moves. His eyes are hooded, eyeliner a little smudged around them as the light catches the glitter on his lids and makes him shine. His hair is messy and wild, his cheeks a pinkish red color. His chest is partially exposed as it always is and the spandex is just as tight as normal (though the bulge isn't normal), but he somehow looks sexier than usual to Arin. Maybe it's the way his hips move to the music on stage, or the way he glances at Brian's camera and gives a devilish sort of smile that Arin's not sure if he's ever seen on Dan's face before, and then the way he blows a kiss after.</p><p>Either way, Arin can't stop watching it and he isn't even sure about how or if he should text Brian back, or what would he even say. The video is making his head spin and making him feel too warm, but perhaps Brian knew that it would and sent it on purpose for that exact reason.</p><p>After what feels like the millionth time Arin's watched it, he gets an incoming call from Dan. The ringtone scares him and he flushes like he's been caught doing something wrong, but he answers the phone before it goes to voicemail.</p><p>"Hey," Arin breathes out, lying back on his pillows and trying to calm his racing heart. "What's up, dude? You okay?"</p><p>"Fuck yeah," Dan replies, sounding enthusiastic. "We just got done our last show of this tour, which means we'll be using tomorrow to rest up and then the day after, we'll be on the flight back. I can't wait to fuckin' see you, baby bear. I miss you like crazy. It's like after I left, something kind of changed and I feel less scared of the idea of us together than before. Is that weird?"</p><p>Arin shrugs, forgetting that Dan can't see him. "I dunno, man," he says, scratching the back of his head, "I mean... I don't think it's weird. But I miss you too- so much, dude, you have no fuckin' idea."</p><p>"I'm still gonna fuckin' kiss you when I see you," the older man tells him, and Arin can tell without seeing that Dan's smiling. "Being away from you, I guess, made me realize how much I actually do want this to work out between us or something. It's like I had more time to myself to just fuckin' think about shit and figure out how I feel and I'm kind of accepting it. I think I'm ready to do more with you, and I'm excited to come home to you."</p><p>"Well, I'm glad to hear that, really, but I'm more excited," Arin argues playfully, a grin plastered on his face and goosebumps on his arms. "Especially after that video Brian sent to me."</p><p>Dan giggles a little. "I suspected that was the reason why he randomly started fuckin' recording me, but now I know for sure. That's why I like... blew the kiss and shit. I figured it was for you or something because I was just talking about you before the show. So I'm guessing you liked it?"</p><p>"Hell yeah," Arin answers, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck, you don't even know what that did to me- it was fuckin' sexy. You looked really good up there, and I just wish I could've been there in person to see it, you know?"</p><p>"Oh, absolutely," Dan murmurs, exhaling softly. "I wish you could've been there too- that would've been great. Though you'll always have that video, so... I guess that's not that bad, right?"</p><p>"Oh, it's wonderful, dude- it's wonderful. That's some good JO material right there. Goddamn."</p><p>"Oh my god," Dan laughs, causing Arin to laugh as well. Arin's missed hearing it, missed Dan's sleepy voice. "Do you really like it that much? Shit, if I would've known that's what you'd use it for, I would've tried a little harder."</p><p>"It's great as it is," Arin tells him, because that's just how he feels, though he's a bit surprised that Dan seems okay with letting him use the video to get off- he expected Dan to be uncomfortable, but instead he seems... oddly proud about it. Maybe it's because of the fact that he's basically accepted this and it's a little more comfortable for him now.</p><p>There's a moment where things are quiet, like Dan is thinking about something, but before Arin can get the chance to ask about what's on the older man's mind, Dan is already talking.</p><p>"So, what are you doing right now, babe?" he asks, but the tone he's using is different somehow. Arin can't quite tell how exactly it's different, but he can tell that it is. The pet name Dan uses always makes Arin go weak though, and that's what he focuses on. "Where's Suzy?"</p><p>"She's still at the office working on things," Arin says, unsure of where this is going, but ready to find out. "She might not be back for a while, and I'm just fuckin' lounging in bed right now, since I finished everything I had to do early and shit so I came back home to get comfy and just chill out. Why do you ask?"</p><p>Arin swears he can practically see Dan shrugging right now. "No reason really," the older man replies, but Arin doesn't believe him, especially because of Dan's tone of voice. "I'm kind of doing the same right now actually. The show tired me out, but I'm not ready to go to sleep yet. I just... I dunno, babe, but I wanna keep talking to you."</p><p>"Yeah?" Arin whispers, picking at a thread on his shirt, heart pounding at the way Dan sounds right now. "Well, Daniel, what do you want to talk about?"</p><p>Dan giggles again, humming. "Uh, I'm not really sure," he utters, seeming calmer than he did when he first got on the phone but sounding a bit sleepy too. "What, um... what are you wearing?"</p><p>Arin can't help but to burst into laughter, and apparently neither can Dan. "What kind of question is that, dude?" the younger manages to get out as he laughs, a large dumb smile on his face. He doesn't hear Dan saying anything right away, so he continues on. "Well, if you must know, just a random shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. Bed clothes. What about you, baby?"</p><p>Dan gives a slightly nervous sounding chuckle, like he isn't sure if he wants to say or not. "I'm not really wearing much of anything, actually," he admits, and Arin bites his lip at the thought of it, at the image that comes into his mind first of Dan, fully nude, perhaps beneath some sheets as he lies down on some hotel bed wherever he is right now.</p><p>"Oh?" Arin murmurs, his mouth feeling dry as he stares up at the ceiling and holds onto that image that he conjured up in his head. "So nothing at all then?"</p><p>"Yeah, babe, absolutely nothing," Dan confirms, his voice low and sort of husky. "I wish you could see me like this."</p><p>Arin almost whines or whimpers- he wishes he could see him too. "And what... what are you thinking about right now?" he asks, his own voice getting a little shaky. His head is spinning and he just wishes that Dan could be right here, touching him and kissing him and fucking him. That thought knocks the air out of his lungs.</p><p>Dan breathes out. "I'm thinking about how much I wish you were here with me," he answers softly, and Arin wouldn't be surprised if Dan hears his breath get caught in his throat a little from it. He sounds like he wants it to be sexy, but it also comes out so cute.</p><p>"That's so sweet, you horny fuck," Arin says after a pause, and both can't help but to giggle at it and grin. "I mean... honestly, I'd be happy to maybe... I dunno, like blow you or something- if you wanted that, but unfortunately I can't since... since you're so far away right now."</p><p>"Please don't tease me," Dan sighs deeply with another chuckle after. "And as horny as I may be, I do fuckin' mean it. I wish you were here so badly, you know? Or I wish I were there, but either way, I can't wait until I get to see you and give you cuddles and shit 'cause I fuckin' miss you."</p><p>"Oh my god, yes please. I miss my snuggle man a lot too." Arin pauses for a moment, shaking his head. "It sounds ridiculous when I say it, but when you do it just sounds really cute and nice. That's unfair as heck, dude. Really. How are you always so cute and sexy? Seriously, fuck off with that bullshit."</p><p>Dan finds himself smiling widely, giggling uncontrollably. "Aw, Ar, you're so sweet. Honestly, I've been wondering the same about you."</p><p>"Mm, well if you say so," Arin hums amusedly, yawning and stretching. He pauses again, but this time it's for a longer amount of time, and then eventually, in a quiet voice, he says, "I can't believe it's already been three whole months since we've been dating. It's crazy."</p><p>"Shit," Dan swears, and Arin can hear him swallow. "Has it really been that long already?"</p><p>"Yeah. And like... it fuckin' sucks a ton that we've spent most of this time apart, because like it makes me feel like we should've waited to get together, but... you know, I understand completely; Ninja Sex Party, your music and this tour mean so much and are all so important to you."</p><p>"You're also important to me though," the older man sighs and Arin's heart flutters. "Look baby, I promise that I'll make this up to you somehow. As soon as I get home."</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry if it's a tad rushed from here on out )): i think this is when i was getting tired of writing )): also sorry for how abrupt some of these chapters end; i didn't want them to be too long ):</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...nsfw warning !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's quiet again for a few moments, nothing but the sound of them breathing deeply until Arin speaks up, changing the subject.</p><p>"So Dan, I um... I didn't get to ask about what you're up to right now or how you've been feeling. Tell me. What's up?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm just thinking about whether I want to jerk it or not," Dan half jokes with an exhale and a quiet giggle, trying to lighten the mood a little so it's not so serious. "I'm just like- I'm getting kinda sleepy, but I'm also really horny still and now I'm just feeling all kinds of fuckin' conflicted."</p><p>"Ah, well if you decide you're going to," Arin starts casually, twirling a lock of his hair around his finger as his tone goes from joking to cautious, "I'd like to like... fuck, I dunno, maybe listen in or something. I mean, that is only if you don't mind and are comfortable enough."</p><p>"Wait, you wanna listen through the phone as I get myself off in some random hotel that is absolutely nowhere close to you?" Dan inquires, and Arin laughs a little at the way he asks, as if the younger man would come barging in if Dan was within a close enough distance from him.</p><p>"That's a weird way of putting it, but basically yes," he confirms, his heart pounding and toes curling as he waits for Dan to say something back. "But only if you're okay with it, is also what I'm saying. I just... I dunno, but I wanna know what you sound like when you're touching yourself, I guess."</p><p>"You wouldn't be like... bored or anything?" Dan then questions, sounding a little surprised.</p><p>"Fuck no, that... I would probably get excited or something, actually. Who the hell would get bored listening to the person they love making all kinds of fuckin' sinful sounds, even if it's through the phone?"</p><p>Arin can hear Dan chuckle at his wording, but he knows he's gotten the point across. "You should talk to my ex-girlfriend about that," the older man sighs a little, and somehow Arin can tell he's smiling even in spite of it all. "She hated phone sex with a passion- said it just weirded her out and it didn't do anything for her, which is fair and valid, and I guess I could see how she'd get bored of it quickly."</p><p>Phone sex. Now that Dan says it out loud, Arin suddenly becomes a little bit more aware of what exactly he's asking Dan, and what exactly they may or may not do. They've only kissed twice, but they might be doing this. Huh, somehow Arin didn't see it coming despite him being the one who technically brought it up.</p><p>"Well, would it be okay if... if we did it?" he asks anyway, deciding to just get over it and cross the line now. If Dan says no, then that's that, and it would be okay. Dan's quiet for a moment, so Arin decides to clarify, "I mean, having phone sex? Would you be okay with that, or like, is it too soon or...?"</p><p>There's a long pause that makes Arin uncomfortable and has him holding his breath as he waits for an answer. Just as he's about to back out, he hears Dan inhale deeply, then sigh out, and then eventually Arin hears the words, "You want to?"</p><p>The younger of the two blinks dumbly- he didn't expect Dan to actually consider it, let alone basically give in.</p><p>"Um, yeah, only if you want to," Arin answers after a moment, his heart pounding. It feels awkward talking about it before they do it, but he supposes that can't be helped and he just has to get over it. "Like only if you legitimately want to. Don't you dare fuckin' agree to it if your heart's not in it because you think it'll hurt my feelings. Dude, I promise, it's not gonna upset me if you don't really want to."</p><p>The weird quiet comes again and Arin wonders if Dan is thinking about it and really debating it or not.</p><p>"I want to," Dan finally says, seeming like his mind really is made up. "And before you ask if I'm sure- no, but yes. I mean, the worst that could really even happen is that it just gets awkward as fuck, but... I think that I'm okay with this, and I want to try. It might help me even more, because yes, as of lately I've been getting more comfortable with the idea of kissing you and being with you and having sex with you, but I know there's a chance I might hesitate when it comes down to actually doing it, so- anyway, whatever. Let me just shut my mouth and- yeah, okay, no more talk; let's just fuckin' do it, babe."</p><p>Arin knows that Dan is trying really hard for him- for them, and it's honestly better than anything. Arin loves him so much and he just hopes that Dan can be fully comfortable with loving him the same way, too. He knows that Dan does- otherwise they wouldn't be together, but... he just needs Dan to really feel that it's okay that he does and that it doesn't make him weird or gross or anything.</p><p>Some sort of noise coming from Dan immediately pulls Arin away from his thoughts, his face feeling warm. "Shit," he murmurs, running his fingers through his hair and leaving his hand there, gripping tightly onto the strands. "I didn't realize you'd fuckin' started already, dude, hold on."</p><p>Dan giggles as if he's trying to seem flirty and it somehow manages to lift the tension as Arin transfers his phone to his left hand, and with his right, runs his fingers over his cock through the fabric with a soft sigh.</p><p>"Ah, fuck," he hears Dan whisper, the wet sounding noises somehow picking up over the phone so that Arin hears those, too. It's a little gross, but Arin likes it and it doesn't bother him in any way. "Are you touching yourself yet?"</p><p>Hearing Dan's voice as his own fingers brush against his cock is not something Arin thought he'd get to experience, but here he is. It's so weird, but in the best way. Arin can't even concentrate properly.</p><p>"Yeah," he chuckles a little after a brief pause, the situation somehow seeming to be funny even though it's not really, but maybe it's because neither of them are really all that serious unless it's required of them. "I uh, I can definitely hear you goin' to town over there, bro. What, do you have the phone right by your dick or something?"</p><p>"Shut up," Dan laughs, but it fades into a quiet, breathy moan that has Arin getting goosebumps and feeling tingles and sparks on his spine, the tips of his ears burning. "I can't help it if it's loud and it picks up. And don't you dare fuckin' call me 'bro' right now, Arin. Damn, that's not sexy at all."</p><p>Arin laughs too. "It's kinda hot," he half jokes, shivering as he presses harder with his fingers. "The um- the noises, I mean, not the 'bro' thing. The noises are hot, especially paired with the sounds you're making with your mouth. Like... fuck, dude."</p><p>"Well, uh, okay, 'dude' is not sexy either, but it's better than fuckin' 'bro' I guess."</p><p>Arin rolls his eyes, but he's grinning. "Was that all you took from everything I just said?" he asks, amused again, trying not to get distracted and let his fingers stop. "What, like... would you rather me call you 'daddy' or something?"</p><p>"Yes and no," Dan admits semi-jokingly, giggling once more. "Is that a proper answer? I mean it's fun to joke about it and I might think it's sexy if I actually was called that in bed, but I don't know yet. How about- how about we'll save that for another time, okay?"</p><p>"Is that a promise, Avidan?" Arin murmurs, his voice low. He hopes it makes Dan bite his lip and tremble a little, and wishes that he could be there to see it if he does.</p><p>"Mm, it might be," Dan sighs out, and Arin can hear the wet sounds getting a little quieter, as if Dan's slowing down. "Are you even touching yourself, dude? You sound so... like... composed, and meanwhile I'm over here, my brain turning to mush, waiting to hear some kind of noise come from you and I'm getting nothing but full sentences."</p><p>"Oh, I don't really make noises that much if at all," Arin responds truthfully, inhaling a bit sharply. "Like sometimes one or two come out if something feels better than usual, but I'm just quiet normally. And I am touching myself, dude, it's just... light touches, I guess. Over my boxers. And the conversation is distracting."</p><p>"Wait a fuckin' second," Dan starts, and Arin almost laughs at the way he says it. "First of all, one day I'll get you to make some kind of noises so be ready for that. Second of all, you're still in your boxers? No, no, no, dude, take that shit off. That's so not fair."</p><p>Arin swallows, face feeling warmer again. "Alright," he says quietly, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and pulling them down his thighs until they're completely off of him. "Now what? My shirt?"</p><p>"Yeah," Dan replies softly, "Go ahead and get it off, babe."</p><p>Arin forgets that Dan can't see him and nods quickly, setting the phone down for a moment to pull his shirt over his head. When he's completely naked, he picks his phone back up.</p><p>"Okay, I'm done," he breathes as his heart beats a little harder. Arin has been unaware that he likes being told what to do this much, and so he decides to voice it and ask Dan about it. "Is it weird that I really fuckin' like it when you tell me what to do? I mean, I dunno, I think I like being bossed around in bed because I like it when Suzy does it, too. I've... I guess I've only just realized. Sorry, I just was thinking and now I'm rambling."</p><p>"It's not weird," Dan reassures him casually. "Everybody's probably got their own thing, so don't like, be ashamed of it." There's a pause, and then Dan continues. "But anyway, before we ruin the moment somehow... I want you to touch yourself for me."</p><p>Arin bites down on his lip. "I can do that, definitely," he tells Dan with a quiet little laugh. And so he does, and he can tell that Dan's back at it again too from the way he's breathing and from those sounds Arin's hearing again. "Fuck, I wish I could kiss you right now."</p><p>"You're always wishing that you were kissing me though," Dan giggles, sounding breathless when he does.</p><p>"Well, I mean- of course," Arin agrees, finding it hard to think straight and masturbate properly at the same time, especially when he's got Dan's voice to listen to both distract him and arouse him further. "That's because I love you and... I don't know, I just wanna kiss you."</p><p>"You know, I wanna kiss you too right now," Dan admits, and then things get quiet. There's a grunt or a moan here or there from Dan, and a few sighs from Arin, but besides that, nothing- until eventually Dan whispers out, "I'm- I'm getting close."</p><p>"Yeah?" Arin mumbles back breathlessly. "I'm... I'm getting there. I kinda wanna get out the dildo and put it inside of me but I'm afraid it'll take too long to get myself ready for it- I might come before I'll be able to get my fingers out."</p><p>Just as Arin says that, he hears Dan coming with a drawn out groan, breathing heavily when the feeling dies down. Arin's blown away by the way it sounds and it sends tingles that go straight to his dick.</p><p>"Whoa," Arin chuckles, swallowing. "Are you good? Did I say something right?"</p><p>"Mhm," Dan mumbles back after a long moment, sounding a bit far away from the phone, but when he speaks again he sounds fine. "I'm okay. Better than." He exhales and then chuckles. "Oh fuck yeah, that was amazing. I can't even really think right now, holy shit, that was really intense for some reason. The images you gifted me were too much for me to handle, dude. Fuck, um... are you- are you close, or did you already come, or...?"</p><p>"I'm still getting there," Arin huffs in response, moving his hand quicker over himself, stroking harder. "I'm trying, sorry- fuck. Talk to me."</p><p>"You can do it, Arin," Dan encourages him then, sounding even sleepier than before, his tone very low. "Come on, baby, you're almost there, aren't you? Just a little more. Close your eyes and pretend that you've got my hands all over you, and come for me, Ar- come on. Do it for me, baby girl."</p><p>And that's what does it for Arin, what pushes him over the edge. He holds his breath, a soft moan managing to escape him as he screws his eyes shut and rides out the feeling until it's gone. His body goes limp, and he finally takes a deep breath, his heart pounding wildly against his ribcage and he can feel his pulse everywhere.</p><p>"Oh my god," Arin finally says after a long moment of quiet, running a hand through his hair as his eyebrows raise. He feels overheated and suddenly really tired. "That was something else, dude. Holy shit."</p><p>"Holy shit indeed," Dan replies with a quiet giggle. "I really enjoyed that. I just wish we could cuddle or something now, you know? Like it would feel weird if we just ended the call now, but I gotta admit that I'm really wiped out, man. The show took it out of me, and then the orgasm... fuck. I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay," Arin utters, biting down on his lip. "I honestly feel tired too, but I think that's just normal, so... yeah. I can't wait to see you, dude. I know we've both been saying it, but... yeah. Will I hear from you tomorrow?"</p><p>"Of course," Dan answers with a yawn. "Just call me at any point, okay? I won't be busy, that's for sure."</p><p>"Okay. Well, I guess that this is goodnight, right? I... I fuckin' love you."</p><p>Arin can tell that Dan is grinning. "I love you too, Ar. Goodnight." He almost hangs up after that, until he hears, "Oh, and happy three month anniversary, baby. I'll... I'll be there for month four, and I won't forget it either."</p><p>The younger man smiles. "Happy three month anniversary. And don't worry, I forgot the first two months." At that, Dan laughs.</p><p>Arin lies there for a while after Dan hangs up- he doesn't feel like getting up to clean up his mess or get dressed, but he knows he has to. Once it's all taken care of, he settles back into bed, turning on the TV instead of staying on his phone.</p><p>He dozes off, but Suzy is there waking him when she gets in. He smiles when he sees her and as she changes into her bed clothes, he confesses to her what he and Dan did with some detail, though he can't help but to somehow feel a little bit shy about it.</p><p>He told her what led up to it, too, and she asked to watch the video, a curious glint in her eyes. So he shows her, and she's immediately nodding. "That little tease!"</p><p>They eventually curl up together with the cats and watch TV until they fall asleep.</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. 20</h2></a>
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    <p>The next day passes in a blur- Arin focuses the best he can on work to distract himself from the fact that Dan's coming back so soon so that the day doesn't drag on forever, though every time he thinks about it, he gets excited. God, he can't wait to see him.</p><p>Though he's a bit disappointed when Dan tells him that Rachel will be the one picking them up from the airport, but then he feels his heart flutter when Dan says that she's going to drop him off at Arin's so that he can spend the night there if it's alright, as well as see the younger man and Suzy, of course.</p><p>And even when Arin's tired and ready to lie down, he still finds himself unable to sleep, thinking of Dan. He eventually takes a little Nyquil to make himself so drowsy that he can't fight it anymore so that he can just pass out, Suzy fast asleep already beside him.</p><p>His alarm goes off around 1PM. He sits up with a groan and rubs his eyes, pushing his hair out of his face. He quickly heads to the shower and gets that out of the way, heading back to his bedroom to put on some clothes, but before he can get fully dressed, he gets distracted by his phone, wanting to know if Dan has texted yet to say the plane has landed.</p><p>He does find a text from Dan, one that the older man must've sent him in the early in the morning sometime after Arin had fallen asleep. It... almost could be considered a nude, except below the waist isn't visible. It's a sleepy mirror selfie- in it, Dan's clearly in some hotel bathroom, completely undressed, and he sent a text alongside it, saying, 'just woke up and am about to shower before I pack and head to the airport! Can't wait to see you!' and then there's a few hearts.</p><p>'Whoa,' Arin texts back, adding after, 'I just woke up so I only just got this. You look fucking amazing, dude, holy shit.'</p><p>Arin looks over at the full body mirror that's hanging on the wall by the closet, aiming the camera towards it to take a photo of himself to send to Dan. He's not naked, but his underwear doesn't leave much to the imagination.</p><p>'Not as good as yours of course, but you can have this,' Arin types out before attaching the photo and sending it. He sets his phone down to get dressed after that, feeling unsure about the picture. Arin's never been too fond of showing his own skin; it makes him feel self-conscious, but he did it anyway because it's for Dan (and perhaps for Suzy, too), and Arin guesses that Dan doesn't seem to think that he's ugly or fat, but he still can't help but to worry that perhaps deep down, Dan might secretly think those things after all and is just really good at lying or ignoring it.</p><p>Arin thinks that he should feel a little more confident now that he's lost some weight, but the truth is he still doesn't and he isn't sure why. For now though, he tries to forget that he even sent the photo so he's not worried about it and he heads downstairs.</p><p>Suzy is enjoying a cup of coffee and some cinnamon breakfast biscuits as she relaxes on the couch, playing some game on her Nintendo DS. She pauses it when she notices Arin, flashing him a smile as he comes toward her. He bends down and kisses her cheek before he turns back around to go into the kitchen area.</p><p>"You okay?" she asks, eyes following his every movement. He grabs an apple, a pack of crackers and a sparkling water from the fridge and sits down at the island so he can look at her.</p><p>He shrugs. "Yeah, I guess," he answers anyway, sounding more dejected than he'd meant to. He's supposed to be excited right now since Dan's coming back, but he just feels weird. "I don't know what's up with me today, and I've only just woken up."</p><p>Suzy gives him a look, like she knows better than that. "Is it about Danny?" she inquires, and it weirdly gives Arin deja vu; he feels like they've had this conversation before somehow, even though he knows that they didn't. "Is he not coming back today now or something?"</p><p>"No, as far as I know, he is," Arin tells her, pushing a strand of his hair out of his face as he leans forward, his chin on his palm and his elbow on the island. "He should be on the plane now, but... It's just... I don't know, I've just been thinking about dumb shit."</p><p>"What kind of dumb shit?" Suzy presses, completely setting aside her game to give her husband her full attention. Arin shrugs again, but Suzy hits him with another look, sighing a little. "Come on, tell me, baby. What is it?"</p><p>"I guess I just started worrying about if Dan finds me attractive or not," he admits, frowning and avoiding Suzy's eyes. "Like I wonder if that maybe plays a part in why he's so hesitant with me- you know, other than the obvious part about me having a dick. Part of me is scared that he's only with me now to avoid hurting my feelings and that he's trying to force himself to like me, but he really doesn't deep down because fucking look at me. I mean I honestly don't even know what you see in me either, and-"</p><p>"Arin, you know all of that isn't true," Suzy says sadly, cutting him off, wanting him to look at her and know that she's telling the truth. "I can tell that Dan loves you and he's trying really hard to get used to this. He's even been texting me most of the time he's been gone about how he's been feeling and how much he fucking misses you and wants to come home and kiss you silly and make plans and all of that. And he does find you attractive, baby, as do I, and you better know that I love you because I do, more than anything else."</p><p>"I love you too," Arin murmurs softly, finally looking at her. "I just can't help it- I feel self-conscious and insecure as fuck and I don't know why because I haven't felt it this bad in a long while, and I'm afraid that he sees me the way I see myself."</p><p>Suzy gets up, coming over to pull Arin close to her in a hug. "He doesn't. He thinks you're beautiful, and you are, you just need to feel it. What even brought this on?"</p><p>Arin gives a little laugh, shaking his head. "Oh my god, Suze, it's... it's really stupid, I'll admit it." When Suzy stays quiet, Arin sighs. "He sent me a really nice shirtless selfie, or borderline nude I guess, so I tried to send him something back but I didn't feel good about the photo, especially after I sent it."</p><p>"So you think he won't like it either?" she asks, and he nods against her chest. "Can I see the photo you took?"</p><p>"Yeah," he mumbles as he pulls away to grab his phone, pulling up the photo before he hands it over to her. She takes a good long look at it, and then she looks at him like she's surprised, handing the phone back.</p><p>"I don't know why you don't like it," she states as he shuts off the screen and sets the phone aside. "You look really sexy in it. You've lost a lot of weight that you were unhappy with and you should feel good about it, baby- I feel better about myself now that I'm back to the weight I'm happy with, and you should too."</p><p>"I know, and I thought I did feel better about myself," Arin replies, biting down on his lower lip. "Maybe I'm just fuckin' having one of those days and I'll feel better about it soon. I'm just worried that Dan doesn't-"</p><p>"He does," Suzy insists, interrupting. She runs her fingers through his hair and he looks up at her. "I promise you. And to prove it to you..." Suzy retrieves her own phone from the end table by the couch and holds it up for Arin to see, "...I'm just going to send a text."</p><p>Arin looks at her, confused but curious. "To Dan? What are you gonna text him?"</p><p>As Suzy types, she reads out her next two messages to Dan word for word. "Hey Danny," she begins, quickly tapping away at the keyboard on her screen, "Arin said that he sent you some photo of him, but apparently he doesn't really think it's good and he doesn't like it much, but don't tell him I told you." Arin gives her a look as she shows him and hits send before continuing on with, "So just please be honest when you're telling him how you feel about it- he's scared that you might sugar-coat your words because he's afraid that you don't really find him attractive, but again, don't let him know that I told you. Just give your honest opinion of it so he knows how you feel, okay?"</p><p>She shows him before she sends it, but she does send it before he can protest. She finishes it off with a third message about seeing him later tonight and asking what he wants for dinner so that she can pick it up for them before he gets here.</p><p>"There, now you know that whatever he says about it is the truth," Suzy tells him, setting her phone down. "So no more bad-mouthing yourself and no more thinking that Danny finds you unattractive or something. You need to get excited that he's coming back to give you a big ol' kiss and to hang out and see you after he's been away for this long."</p><p>Arin nods. "Okay," he sighs then, opening up the pack of crackers he'd grabbed. " Sorry for being... I dunno, whiny. I'm just stupid. But anyway, yeah, it feels like it's gonna take fuckin' forever for him to actually get here, and I'm just not sure about what to do until he does. I mean- I have a few ideas, but I don't know what I really feel like doing right now."</p><p>"You could play a game or watch TV," Suzy suggests, returning to her seat on the couch. "You could work on something, like maybe some art or something like that. You could go for a run. And you can always head up to the office to do stuff if you really wanted to, but you don't exactly have to today. It's really up to you, babe."</p><p>"Yeah," Arin murmurs, resting his head on his arms that sit on the top of the island. "I mostly just feel like going back to sleep though. Maybe I'll just put on some anime to watch for now or something. I don't fuckin' know."</p><p>He gets up from his spot at the island and moves to sit beside Suzy on the couch. "Good idea," she utters with a small smile, "Dan will probably be texting or calling soon and then he'll be here in no time anyway."</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unfortunately, they still haven't heard anything from Dan by the time it hits 4PM. With a soft, bored sigh, Suzy checks her phone again and then sets it back down- no new messages still, and she knows that Arin hasn't gotten any either.</p><p>"I guess I'll just have to get whatever for dinner and hope he likes it," she says with a shrug, getting up and stretching. "Do you wanna come with me to the store?"</p><p>Arin looks up at her, but shakes his head. "Nah, I'll just wait here in case he shows up before you get back. I'm kinda in the mood to play a game now anyway, so I'm more than likely just gonna do that instead, if that's alright with you."</p><p>"Of course it is. I'm just gonna go out now and get it out of the way, and I shouldn't be gone super long or anything." Suzy slips on her shoes and grabs her purse, keys and phone, heading towards the door. On her way, she calls out, "I love you. I'll be back soon."</p><p>"I love you too." Arin hears the door closing and the car starting, and then Suzy pulling away in the car. He sits there for a while after she's left, thinking about Dan, about Suzy and how she felt she had to send a message to him that made Arin seem like a pathetic, insecure crybaby. Though he guesses that he kind of is one.</p><p>He's scolding himself in his mind - "goddammit, no more of your whiny bullshit, Arin" - and hopes that he can stop feeling like this. He thinks that he should actually listen to Suzy and feel better about himself and just be happy that Dan is even with him at all, but he pushes all of this to the back of his mind for now and instead takes a deep breath, deciding to focus on worrying about what to get Dan for their three month anniversary, or worry about if he should even get anything now. He wonders if he should take Dan out on a date to celebrate, or maybe just spend all of tomorrow doing things with him, or... whatever Dan might want to do. Arin isn't sure.</p><p>Suzy has only been gone for about fifteen minutes when Arin actually hears back from Dan- finally. The message reads, 'Took me long enough, but I just got off the plane and shit and now I'm in the car with Rachel and Brian, so we're on our way- might take about 45 minutes or so. Oh, and sorry for not being able to text back! Though my phone's actually almost dead right now, so I'll have to talk to you when I get there.'</p><p>As Arin goes to type out his response, he gets another message in.</p><p>'And I love your picture, by the way- it's super sexy and you look really good, dude, holy shit! Brian almost saw it though, so I'll have to be careful next time, haha! But anyway, I'll see you soon, big cat. Ugh, I can't wait.'</p><p>Arin can't help but to smile. 'Neither can I!' he texts back, quickly adding, 'And thank you. I'll see you shortly, Danny.'</p><p>Dan doesn't respond again, but it doesn't matter; Arin feels jittery and excited knowing that it won't be long until he gets to see him again. He's really missed him, honestly, and it's been too long.</p><p>He originally considered asking to join Dan on tour, but thought that Dan might want some space and time away from him. And he also didn't think that it'd really be fair to Suzy, especially since she'd just gotten back not too long before Dan left. Perhaps next time Dan goes on tour, Arin will see if he could maybe join- unless next time is a Starbomb tour, that is.</p><p>As he waits for Dan and Suzy, Arin tries to find something to do to pass the time. He checks his social medias and comments on some of his friends' posts, he plays with the cats, and even starts sketching and doodling just whatever, but it still feels like time isn't passing or something.</p><p>With a sigh, he heads upstairs eventually to make sure the guest bed is made up for Dan and then to just grab laundry so he can start some wash so that Suzy doesn't have to- trying to find anything to do to keep himself busy. After leaving the laundry room, he heads back upstairs with the clean clothes and sheets and things to put everything away.</p><p>When that's done, he has nothing left to do and goes back downstairs to get a drink. He walks over to the fridge and opens it, but as soon as he does, there's hands covering his eyes.</p><p>"Guess who it is, baby," Dan whispers in his ear. Arin gently lifts Dan's hands so that he can quickly turn to look at him, closing the fridge to do so. Dan looks a little tired with heavy eyes and a hint of darkness underneath them, and his curls are even messier than normal, if that's possible. Arin still thinks that he looks beautiful anyway. "I've missed you so fuckin' much, dude."</p><p>Arin engulfs him in a hug. "Probably not as much as I've missed you," he tells the older man. Dan's had the tour to keep him and his thoughts mostly busy, while Arin's just had regular work that he couldn't even focus on properly. "Fuck, I'm glad that you're back."</p><p>Dan's large hands feel warm as they come to rest on Arin's waist before they slowly move to his lower back and then up by his shoulder-blades. Dan lightly squeezes him after a moment and then lets him go to pull back some and look at his face.</p><p>"I'm glad to be back, big cat," Dan admits as he brushes a few strands of Arin's hair out of the younger man's eyes, tucking them behind one of Arin's ears. Dan then gives him a smile that Arin returns right before the older man leans in and kisses him softly on the mouth.</p><p>Arin hums a little as Dan pulls away. The younger is just about to start talking again but Dan doesn't let him, kissing him once more, but deeper this time. They haven't kissed like this before so Arin sort of wonders what's up with him, but then he vaguely recalls Dan's promise at the airport to kiss him until he's breathless once the older returned home.</p><p>Dan gently pushes Arin against the fridge, only slightly pinning him to it with his own body as he continues to kiss him in a way that they're not used to kissing each other. Hell, they're barely even used to gentle, closed-mouthed pecks on the lips from each other.</p><p>Arin lets his hands run up and over Dan's chest and then up to Dan's neck and jaw, and he pulls him in as close as he possibly can against him without it hurting.</p><p>And then they break apart to breathe. Dan gives a satisfied, happy little chuckle as Arin breathes heavily against his neck, chest rising and falling at the same speed as Dan's. "I remembered my promise," the older of the two sighs, trying to catch his own breath in between sentences. "And honestly, dude, I... I really fuckin' liked kissing you like that. It felt... right."</p><p>Dan takes a step or two back so that Arin can see him a little better. "I'm glad you didn't hate it," the younger man replies with a soft, breathy laugh, his hands sliding down to hold Dan's. "Was the facial hair still weird for you, like last time you kissed me?"</p><p>Dan shrugs. "Yeah, but I can learn to get used to it," he says simply, interlocking his fingers with Arin's.</p><p>"But that means we'd have to kiss more often," Arin points out with a cheeky smile, biting down on his lower lip briefly. He doesn't miss the way Dan reacts to it, but Arin doesn't comment on it, either. "Because then you'd get used to it quicker. Isn't that how it works?"</p><p>Dan tilts his head a little, giggling. "Well, I dunno but I guess you do have a point," he agrees, giving Arin's hands a gentle squeeze before he lets them go. "And... I mean, I guess I could be okay with that. You know, since we like... really have to and all."</p><p>Arin easily picks up on Dan's fake reluctance of sorts. "Yeah, we really have to," he utters and nods quickly, "Otherwise the whole fuckin' world might end- you never really know. So... just to be on the safe side, maybe we should just... start now."</p><p>Dan's trying not to laugh. "Mm, you think? I mean, you're probably right..."</p><p>"Of course I'm right. I wouldn't lie to you about something this serious, Daniel. It's kiss or die, so... I mean, I know what I'm choosing."</p><p>Dan gives up and laughs, and Arin does too. "I can't even pretend to take this seriously anymore," the older says, shaking his head. "Why the end of the world? What would make you choose that scenario out of every other one?"</p><p>Arin rolls his eyes and huffs, but he's not really annoyed. "Whatever! I don't know, you dumb, sexy fuckin' idiot! How about instead of running your cute mouth, asking pointless questions that I clearly don't have the answer to, why don't you just shut up and kiss me?"</p><p>"Well, why should I kiss you when I have other options?" Dan teases playfully with a lip bite, grinning.</p><p>"Because you love and missed me when you went away?" Arin suggests, batting his eyes and running a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. "And what are these 'other options' that you have, Avidan? Is sucking me off one of them?"</p><p>Dan thinks it over. "I mean honestly, I was kinda thinking that it'd be you on your knees instead, Hanson."</p><p>"Oh, is that so?" Arin asks with a grin of his own, his heart racing. They may be just making half-jokes, but that doesn't mean that there's not any tension building. "Well, how about for now you just kiss me again, but later, maybe, if you're not feeling tired and if you're comfortable, then... perhaps I'll consider getting on my knees for you."</p><p>He's serious about it, but he says it like he's just trying to tease, like he hasn't already considered it and already decided that yes, he will go down on his knees to suck Dan off, and happily so if Dan wants him to and is okay with it.</p><p>Dan shrugs once again. "Alright, sure, that sounds fair," he murmurs before he leans in and kisses Arin again. After a moment he pulls back, yawning. "Oh man, now that you've mentioned it, I really am tired. I slept a little on the plane, but it definitely wasn't enough. Would you be upset if I took a nap?"</p><p>Arin immediately shakes his head. "Dude no, of course not. If you want to, you can curl up with me on the couch and take a nap until Suzy gets back or until dinner gets made."</p><p>"That sounds absolutely fuckin' amazing, baby bear," Dan says as he stretches. He reaches down to get his duffle bag and moves it over by the stairs, out of the way, and then allows Arin to lead him into the living room.</p><p>Dan takes off his shoes before he sits down beside Arin, all wrapped up in Suzy's favorite blanket. He scoots far enough away that when he lies down, his head is resting on Arin's soft thighs, and then Mimi curls up behind his knees. Arin lets his hand wander into Dan's hair, playing with the curls to help him fall asleep easier and to help keep him relaxed.</p><p>Dan falls asleep within five minutes. Arin keeps the TV loud enough that he can hear it, but not enough that it would disturb the older man while he's sleeping, although it's pointless, since Arin doesn't pay too much attention to it when he can and would rather watch Dan sleep peacefully, because holy fuck, he's missed him so much.</p><p>He doesn't know how much time passes, but eventually Suzy's walking in the door with bags full of groceries. She sets everything down on the island and stove before she notices that Dan's asleep beside her husband. She goes over to give Arin a kiss.</p><p>"I picked up Danny's favorite: chicken fingers," she tells him, her voice quiet. She gives a soft sigh and then her eyes flicker from her husband to his sleeping boyfriend. She smiles at the sight. "How long ago did he get here?"</p><p>Arin shrugs, lightly twirling Dan's curls around his fingers. "Not long after you left," he answers with a smile of his own before he looks up at Suzy. "And he went to sleep not long after he got here. I told him I'd wake him either when you got home or when dinner is finished."</p><p>She nods. "Let him sleep a little bit longer while I cook then," she utters, turning to put away the groceries. "Oh, so I got seasoned fries to go with the chicken instead of mashed potatoes like I was going to get, and I also picked up buttery garlic knots, too. Plus I got some frozen yogurt as well as some fruit with a sweet cream cheese dip for dessert."</p><p>"Mm," Arin hums dreamily, groaning and running a hand over his face. "Ah fuck, I'm so hungry and everything sounds absolutely amazing right now."</p><p>"Well it shouldn't take too long to cook," Suzy states, pulling out the cast iron skillet, the oil and a baking tray. "I just have to cook the stuff in this oil, and it probably won't take longer than maybe thirty minutes or so, I think."</p><p>Arin nods and Suzy puts whatever she doesn't need away before she gets started on dinner. As she cooks, she chats back and forth with Arin, until out of absolutely nowhere he asks her a question that surprises her.</p><p>"Hey, um, Suzy," he starts off, sounding weirdly shy or nervous or embarrassed as he leads into the question, rubbing the back of his neck, "Would you, uh... would you maybe be okay with like... giving me tips and pointers or whatever on how to... well, you know, like how to properly suck a dick and stuff?"</p><p>Suzy has to stop what she's doing to look at him before she drops what she's holding and ruins dinner, a mixture of confusion and surprise on her face before she grins almost evilly. She hadn't expected this, but she thinks that something must've happened between the two if he's asking her this right now, so soon.</p><p>"Oh, so you're gonna suck his dick?" she asks him bluntly, nodding in the direction of Dan. Arin avoids looking at her, like he's ashamed, but he nods again anyway. Suzy giggles a little, feeling intrigued and curious.</p><p>"If he's okay with it, yeah," Arin confirms, keeping his voice low as his face heats up, and Suzy can't stop grinning- she's so excited for him. "I know I've kinda practiced with that stupid fuckin'... you know, the dildo, like once or twice, but I'm obviously nowhere near skilled enough to make Dan feel good. And I mean, I dunno for sure but there's a good chance that I'm probably gonna end up sucking him off tonight so I'd like to not make a damn fool of myself if that happens, you know?"</p><p>Suzy nods in understanding, pulling the last of the fries out of the oil and putting in the chicken fingers. "Well, I get that," she murmurs, turning back to look at Arin again. "I mean, I can try to help you the best I can before bed tonight, but we're not gonna have a lot of time so I'd recommend just like, I dunno, looking it up after on like a site or something, just in case."</p><p>Arin groans almost dramatically. "But Suzy, I don't want that in my search history," he nearly whines, throwing an arm over his eyes. "And sure, I could like, search up some porn but that doesn't mean it'll teach me anything, let alone anything actually useful."</p><p>Suzy rolls her eyes at him, but she's laughing. "Then just delete the history after or something, or use incognito mode, or look it up on the iPad. Trust me, just watch a couple of videos on it if there are any or read about it, because otherwise, I don't know what to tell you, babe. I can give you tips or help in any way I can, but we honestly don't really have the time, or the privacy, and honestly I don't even know how I'd begin to teach you. And I'm sure Dan won't mind if you're just a little clumsy at it."</p><p>"You're right," he tells her, sighing as he runs a hand through his hair. "I guess I'll have to do that then. Thank you, Suze, and maybe you can just pull me aside after dinner or something for a moment and give me any tips then."</p><p>"Dan's already giving you his tip," Suzy jokes, and Arin can't help but to laugh at the play on words and then she continues with, "And probably the rest of the shaft too."</p><p>"Wow, this is why I love you," Arin tells her, a little giggly and a bit excited. "But yeah. I'm gonna need all the help I can get. I mean it can't be too hard, but still. Well, the dick will certainly be hard, but..."</p><p>Suzy grins and rolls her eyes before she returns to her cooking. "So are you nervous?" she inquires, changing the subject just a little, "Or what about excited, or afraid?"</p><p>"A little of all three," Arin admits with a chuckle. "If he says it's okay with him, this will be our first actual physical sexual encounter, you know? I guess I'm a bit afraid of what he might think of me when we get down to it and shit, and afraid that he might not really want it or that he feels forced, because you know I don't want that at all. And I'm nervous for sure, but also excited because I love him and I want to do this with him, if he wants it too."</p><p>"I mean, you said he was okay with the phone sex," Suzy points out, putting the garlic knots on a baking sheet and into the oven to warm them up before looking at Arin again. "And he's gotten his dick sucked before, so it won't be much different than he's used to, so I think it'll be fine. Just make sure you ask him if he's okay with something first before you do it and tell him to let you know what's too much or too far for him right now, though I'm sure not a lot will be- he's missed you a lot, baby. He's texted me about it a lot over the past three months or so."</p><p>Arin nods, thinking about it all. It's probably going to turn out alright, and he just needs to believe in that. He may not feel like he can hold back if he and Dan start something, but Arin is a hundred percent sure that he can keep himself under control and go at Dan's pace for as long as it takes until Dan is comfortable with him.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>there's not that many chapters left ): i hope everyone likes this so far anyway</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW WARNING !! it's a bit graphic, and will continue onto the next chapter !!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not much longer until Suzy finishes up dinner and Arin is gently shaking Dan awake. The older man yawns, blinking his tired, sleepy eyes up at Arin. "Hi," he whispers as Arin runs his fingers through his long curls, which make him want to go back to sleep more.</p><p>"Hey," Arin smiles as Dan stretches his long limbs. "Suzy made your favorite. You ready to wake up and eat, baby?"</p><p>"Yeah," Dan replies as Arin helps him sit up. He looks over and sees Suzy at the island and he smiles. "Hey Scuze, I missed you. Thanks for cooking dinner- it smells super great."</p><p>After Dan gets up and hugs Suzy, they all sit down together to eat. Dan mostly talks about the tour and the things he and Brian did and saw between shows and such. Arin fills him in on all the things he recorded while Dan was gone and Suzy fills Dan in on how her last three months were spent and what she got accomplished.</p><p>Dan doesn't really notice when Suzy pulls Arin aside to "help with dishes" and checks his phone to keep himself awake, listening to the movie on TV at the same time. And while Suzy and Arin are at the sink washing and rinsing everything, she gives him a few pointers for later, but it's not all that much useful.</p><p>She thinks he'll be okay though since he's technically practiced before and her biggest piece of advice is to just try and copy the things she's done to him before that he likes. That is what actually helps him a little.</p><p>After everything is done and cleaned, they all just hang out for a couple of hours talking and doing whatever until it starts to get closer to 1AM. Suzy excuses herself off to bed with a wink directed at Arin while Dan isn't paying attention, heading upstairs. Arin clears his throat after a couple of minutes and then stands up to stretch while Dan yawns and tries to convince himself to actually move.</p><p>Arin lends him a hand, easily lifting Dan to his feet. He grabs the duffle bag for him and they turn out the lights downstairs before they go up as well, heading into the guest bedroom that's already ready to be slept in. He sets the bag down with shaky hands, feeling weirdly nervous, and Dan thanks him, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.</p><p>Arin kind of wants to just leave and back out of anything that could happen between them, too anxious and embarrassed to bring any of it up and hoping that Dan has forgotten all about it already because that'd really make things easier.</p><p>But instead of just leaving, Arin awkwardly stands there, waiting for something to happen and he doesn't know why. When nothing does, he finally moves towards the open door and says, "Well, goodnight, Dan. I'll see you tomorrow?"</p><p>Dan frowns at him. "Where are you going, Ar?" he asks, confused. Arin stops before he makes it into the hall, unsure of what to do at this point. "Um, didn't you want to like...? You know."</p><p>Arin can see Dan's adam's apple bob when he swallows, gesturing wildly with his hands and avoiding eye contact. So he's nervous about this too. That makes sense, of course, it's just that somehow Arin didn't quite expect it.</p><p>"Fuck dude, I mean- yeah, of course, but only if you want to," the younger of the two admits, pushing his hair away from his eyes and leaning against the doorframe. He's said this before, but he feels like he always has to make things completely clear; he only wants it if Dan wants it and if Dan is comfortable. "Like I get it if you're not ready- you don't have to say that you are if you're really not."</p><p>Dan nods, fiddling with his jacket's zipper and looking over at Arin again, but at his face this time so that it's known that he's being sincere. "Okay, I get that, but I do want it, Arin. I wouldn't lie to you or force myself to do anything I'm not ready for. I want this, but let's just take it a little slow, alright? Now um... come here and fuckin' kiss me."</p><p>"Okay," Arin breathes out, pushing himself off of the frame. He closes the door behind himself and cuts out the light, so Dan reaches over and turns on the lamp. Arin moves over to him, who stops the younger in place with hands on his hips. The older slowly leans forward and bends a little to place a gentle kiss to Arin's clothed, slightly squishy stomach, and in turn Arin bends down just a tad to kiss the scar on Dan's eyebrow and then drops lower, to his cheek, before he finally catches Dan's lips with his own.</p><p>They kiss like they did in the kitchen. Arin's fingers tangle themselves in Dan's hair and he pulls on the curls, and Dan is groaning against the younger's mouth and digging his fingertips into Arin's hips, pulling him closer until his thighs bump against Dan's kneecaps.</p><p>"Fuck," Dan whispers when their lips part so that they can breathe. Arin tilts his head and moves a little to place scratchy kisses on Dan's neck until the older tilts his head back, exposing his throat. Arin presses kisses there too, over Dan's adam's apple. Arin can feel the older's throat vibrate against his tongue when Dan moans softly.</p><p>He pushes Arin back gently after a moment so that he can get his jacket off- he's feeling too hot and he needs to lose some layers. He goes ahead and pulls his shirt off and over his head too, while he's at it, and immediately finds Arin's eyes roaming everything, raking over his exposed skin and taking it all in.</p><p>Arin's hands brush against Dan's knees when they kiss again, but it's over quick when Arin lowers himself down to his knees in front of the older man. His eyes flicker up to Dan's and he swallows, thumbs rubbing against Dan's jean-clad knees.</p><p>"Is this okay?" Arin asks when he gently and slowly pushes Dan's legs apart. The older man nods, scooting forward a little. "Is it alright if I touch you now?"</p><p>Dan doesn't answer right away, but after a brief second, he starts undoing his belt and pants. Arin watches as he slips out of them, leaving him in nothing but his boxer briefs. His hand moves to grab the younger's, and he moves it up his thigh and allows it to rest over the bulge in his underwear before he lets go, letting Arin take over.</p><p>Arin thinks it feels good to touch him. His thumbs are moving, rubbing in circles and making Dan's thighs tense up; Arin can feel him growing harder under his touch, and frankly, it makes him wonder how the hell he got lucky enough to be doing this right now. His heart is pounding away, his cheeks are flushed and he's already starting to sweat.</p><p>With his free hand he pushes his hair back and holds it in place, and then he's leaning forward, placing kisses on Dan's inner thigh. He can pretty much feel Dan's eyes on him as he sucks a mark into the soft skin, his eyelashes tickling the area. He moves his hands to spread Dan's thighs a bit further apart to suck on some skin higher up. Dan's breath catches in his throat, his hands finding Arin's shoulders to grip onto tightly, fingers digging into the bones and skin maybe enough to bruise.</p><p>Arin meets Dan's eyes before he hesitantly moves his mouth over the older's fabric-protected dick, kissing there as well. Dan leans forward over Arin's head, exhaling shakily from the sensation. Arin does it again, and again, growing more and more eager and confident with every open-mouthed kiss he presses to the fabric.</p><p>"I- I need to fucking get these off," Dan manages to get out, his slightly unsteady hands letting go of Arin to grab onto the waistband of his boxers. He lifts his hips to pull them off, leaving him completely naked. Arin's eyes flicker to his cock and the younger finds his breath catching- this is actually happening. For real.</p><p>Then his fingers are there, touching, brushing against flushed skin, and he's gently rubbing his thumb over Dan's warm, pink, slightly wet tip, causing the older man's body to jerk just a little. Arin pulls away, but Dan quickly shakes his head, grabbing his hand and putting it back.</p><p>"No, no, baby, it's okay," he tells him, letting out a breathy giggle. Arin looks up at him and can't help but to grin.</p><p>"Sorry," the younger man says, chuckling, "I'm just all kinds of fuckin' nervous and shit because I don't want to do anything wrong and I still can't get over the fact that we're actually doing this, but goddamn it, Dan, you're so fucking beautiful and I can't help how much I want you and how much I wanna touch you and make you feel good, you bastard. You've got me so hard that it actually hurts."</p><p>"Well you've done it to me too, as you can clearly see, so stop teasing me- let's hurry up and fix this already," Dan utters, laughing before he leans in to kiss Arin again. Arin groans softly against Dan's mouth, his hands on the older man's thighs.</p><p>"Shut your silly little mouth, you handsome fuckin' prick," he replies as he pulls away from the kiss. Dan's grinning at him, cupping his jaw as he looks at him.</p><p>"How about you shut your mouth," the older counters, "You fuckin' whore."</p><p>"Make me," Arin sasses.</p><p>Dan looks at Arin then, tangling his fingers in Arin's hair and yanking a bit roughly when he pulls the younger's head down almost into his lap. "You have work to do, remember? Fuckin' get to it, Hanson."</p><p>Arin's glad that Dan seems to be getting comfortable enough, based on how easily he's joking around and making demands.</p><p>"Gladly, Avidan," Arin hums with another wide grin, sliding his hand up to finally take hold of Dan's cock. The older man shivers at the touch, pushing his curls out of his eyes with his free hand so that he can see Arin better as the younger of the two leans forward and lets his lips brush against the tip. His tongue darts out for a taste and Dan's shaking already, his legs trembling and his fingers gripping onto Arin's hair tighter.</p><p>It hurts a little, but Arin doesn't mind- it also feels good, and it shoots sparks down his spine. He decides to keep going and actually take the head of Dan's cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around and hoping that it feels good. The resulting sound that comes from Dan's throat assures Arin that he's doing something right.</p><p>"Arin- fuck, that's-" he tries to get out, but he can't think well enough to form a proper sentence. "Holy shit, dude."</p><p>As Dan tugs on his hair, Arin lets his mouth sink further down, taking in as much as he can without feeling like he's going to gag. Dan whines softly as Arin starts to bob his head up and down, using his hands to stroke where his mouth can't reach. His facial hair gives Dan pleasant little scratches and tickles when it sometimes brushes his skin, but Dan eventually manages to take over, guiding Arin up and down by his hair instead, which the younger doesn't mind.</p><p>"I hate to say it," Dan starts breathlessly after a few moments, trying not to thrust his hips up too much, "But I'm- I probably won't be able... to last too long like this."</p><p>He lets go of Arin's hair so that the younger can freely pull off and talk to him. Arin lifts his head, his cheeks bright pink and his slightly quirked lips red as he gives Dan a little bit of a smirk. Dan rolls his eyes, but he's smiling a little.</p><p>"Don't you want me to keep going if you're close?" Arin asks, his voice getting a little raspy, leaning forward to kiss Dan's inner thighs and looking up at him through his eyelashes. The older man shivers, giggling a little.</p><p>"Well, yeah, but..." Dan stops himself, his fingers winding up tangled in Arin's hair again. "I dunno... I mean-" he pauses, a bit conflicted about what he really wants to do tonight and what he wants to save for another time, but he makes up his mind before too long; the way Arin's kissing and sucking on his inner thighs making the decision for him. "Alright, you can keep going if you want to."</p><p>Arin nods slightly before Dan is drawing him back in by his hair, letting his cock brush against Arin's lips until it's taken back into the younger's mouth. His tongue swirls around it as he pulls back, and he gives a hard suck as he lets Dan thrust slightly back in, lets Dan take over for him. He'll absolutely let Dan use him however the man wants to, without a doubt, and it worries Arin a little that he's like this, but as long as they're both fine he doesn't really see a problem in it.</p><p>He can tell that Dan's getting close by the soft moans he makes, by the way he tenses up and pulls on Arin's hair hard enough to sting and by the way his thrusts get a little harder, like he's losing control of them. Arin nearly gags and chokes a few times, but he doesn't mind that much if he's honest and figures he might as well get used to it if he's going to be with Dan. Besides, Arin just loves giving him pleasure, much like he does with anyone else he's been with, including Suzy, of course; it makes him feel all tingly inside, makes him feel so good and satisfied.</p><p>Dan tries to warn him before he does, but he's coming before he can get all of the words out in time. The liquid feels hot in Arin's mouth and as it slides down his throat. It's bitter and sort of salty and not very good, but he swallows it anyway.</p><p>Dan lets go of Arin's hair once again and falls back onto the mattress, chest heaving from breathing heavily, completely spent. Arin sits back on his calves, pushing his hair out of his eyes and taking deep breaths as well. His shirt is kind of wet from his sweat and his pants feel too tight and uncomfortable, his cock throbbing painfully in them.</p><p>"Oh my god," Dan sighs out, sitting up a little on his elbows to look at Arin. He feels a little dazed, but a lot more clear-headed at the same time now that most of the arousal is gone. "That was... shit, that was really good, baby. That was... was that the first time you sucked a dick?"</p><p>"Yeah," Arin admits, exhaling. "I'm guessing Suzy told you I never have, right? Or you just guessed? Either way, I'm still not that good because, well I mean... I've never done it before. So maybe it's not much of a surprise that you knew."</p><p>"Suzy told me," Dan confirms, pushing himself up so that he's sitting upright, "She didn't get too much into it, though, so I still don't know if you've been with another guy before. I thought that you might've at one point, but then changed my mind so now I just don't know. I just always wondered how you've never seemed to be scared of the idea."</p><p>Arin shrugs, biting down on his lip briefly. "I was scared though- I have been scared recently. And nervous. Especially tonight. But now that I've fuckin' gone and done it already, I'm feeling... fine, weirdly enough, and I feel good, you know? I'm ready for anything now, it feels like."</p><p>Dan stands up and offers Arin a hand, which the younger takes. Once they're both standing, Dan pulls him in for a hug, his fingers playing with the hems of Arin's clothes. The older kisses the younger, who melts a little in his arms.</p><p>"So wait, did you swallow the...?" Dan asks like he doesn't believe it when he pulls back for a moment, a little bit surprised and confused. When Arin nods, Dan does too. "Oh, alright; I can taste it in your mouth, which is fine- it's just a little weird but... you know- I'll get over it. I just didn't think that you would, but fucking shit, Ar, you keep surprising me."</p><p>Arin laughs. "I didn't plan to actually swallow it all, it just happened that way."</p><p>"Well, despite never giving a beej before, you did fucking amazing, Ar," Dan tells him, hands on Arin's hips to pull him in close again.</p><p>"To be fair," Arin begins with a chuckle, "I did ask Suzy for some pointers and shit because I was afraid of not being good."</p><p>Dan smiles fondly. "Aww, well, I'm going to have to thank her then."</p><p>"Yeah, me too."</p><p>-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nsfw, and really, really graphic tbh- like it's kinda gross ngl. sorry ):</p><p>i've been editing chapters as i go, but this one is so long and i'm feeling so fucking sad that i"m not even gonna bother editing it. i barely feel like updating at all, so just... here it is.</p><p>after this, there's only one last sex scene in the whole fic, which is in one of the last chapters. hope you guys enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dan hums, his fingers dancing up and down Arin's spine. "Well," he finally says to change the subject, his voice low, "Why don't you let me help you get out of your clothes since you're still completely dressed? You must be dying from not getting any real attention, and fuck, I wanna see some of that skin of yours, babe."</p><p>Arin rolls his eyes but he's smiling, leaning in to kiss Dan's lips once more. Dan digs his fingertips into Arin's back, grabbing the bottom of the shirt when he reaches it to pull it over Arin's head, which breaks the kiss. The shirt is tossed to the floor and the pants are quickly pushed off until the younger man is left in his underwear.</p><p>"What the hell?" Dan nearly whines as he looks Arin over, brushing back his own hair. "Goddammit, Arin, look at yourself; you're so fucking gorgeous and it's unfair as shit. Like I thought you looked fantastic in your clothes, but out of them? Holy shit, baby."</p><p>Arin sort of feels like Dan is just saying that, but he can't help it when the words go straight to his dick, making it twitch. His face feels too hot and he feels a little embarrassed with Dan looking at him like this, but it's making him harder, if that's even possible.</p><p>"Fuck," he breathes out, wanting to say thanks or return the compliment or something, but before he can, Dan kisses him once more, lightly. So all Arin says when he pulls back is, "I love you, Dan. A whole fucking lot."</p><p>Dan smiles. "I love you too," he replies as he holds Arin close, letting his fingers trace over Arin's bare skin. They glide across Arin's chest and stomach, teasingly pulling on the elastic waistband of Arin's boxer briefs.</p><p>After a moment of just light touches, Dan steps back a little and hesitantly slides his hand down to cup Arin's cock and balls in the palm of his hand, feeling how hot they are and feeling them pulsate and throb against his hand, all through the fabric, relishing in the fact that it's because of him. He's aware that Arin's watching him carefully- he can probably tell how nervous Dan is about all this. The older man has never touched a dick that wasn't his own before now and it's a little strange, but he's feeling mostly okay with this so far, and this situation seems okay right now. So he doesn't have much to worry about, he supposes.</p><p>He presses into the fabric covered bulge with the palm of his hand, rubbing in small circles. Arin's breath catches and his head falls onto Dan's shoulder, his eyes shut tight. Dan presses harder, but then just decides to spin them both around so that he can gently push Arin down onto the bed instead. The younger man bounces a little when he falls onto the mattress and looks up at the older, cheeks still flushed and eyes half-lidded, nipples hardened and underwear tight and damp- and fuck, he's already got Dan feeling excited again.</p><p>Arin quickly slips off his underwear and tosses them over into the pile of their other clothes by the small dresser, leaving him fully nude and vulnerable, on display for Dan's eyes only right now. Dan takes a moment to look at Arin's cock, admiring the way it curves opposite of his own, the way it's also flushed a bright pink and the way it's slightly leaking from the top. He feels a small burst of confidence and reaches down to touch, his thumb stroking over the tip.</p><p>Arin's so sensitive right now that he lets out a low moan at the feeling, struggling to hold his own hips still as Dan touches him. His eyes meet Dan's before the older lets go and moves onto the bed with the younger. One of Dan's knees plants firmly on the mattress between Arin's thighs as he lowers himself over him to kiss him softly. Arin's fingers get lost in Dan's curls as Dan grinds down against him, and they both let out shaky exhales and swears when their cocks touch.</p><p>Arin rolls them over so that Dan's on his back and Arin is straddling his lap, the older's half-hard cock slightly brushing against the younger's taint. They both shiver at the feeling and their lips connect again as they kiss deeper and deeper. Arin's hands roam Dan's chest and he moves to plant kisses all over Dan's neck and collarbone, sucking a dark colored mark somewhere that can easily be hidden with a shirt.</p><p>Somehow Dan ends up back on top, one of Arin's legs hooked over his hip as he takes his turn and kisses down Arin's throat and chest, his thumbs moving to rub the younger's nipples. Arin sighs, his fingers running through the small curls that make up Dan's chest hair before his hand slowly moves up to the nape of Dan's neck. He pulls him down a little closer, his mouth at Dan's ear.</p><p>"Do you wanna fuck me?" he whispers, his heart pounding so fast that Dan can probably feel it. He lightly kisses the spot behind Dan's ear, which gives the older man goosebumps that spread out all across his body.</p><p>A moment passes, but Dan is nodding quickly. "Yeah, I do," he admits, feeling the tips of his ears get hot because it's Arin who's asking; his best friend, and one of the only people he'd never actually thought that he'd be with right now like this. Dan clears his throat before he continues with, "I wanna fuck you. Just... not tonight. I'm sorry."</p><p>Arin tries not to seem disappointed, because he knows that he's asking a bit too much of Dan right now, but he can't help it when his face falls a little. Though barely a second passes before Dan kisses away his frown until he's grinning, and he's just left hoping to himself that maybe it'll happen next time.</p><p>"If it's alright instead," Dan starts again, brushing Arin's hair out of his face, "I want to maybe, um- I wanna watch you fuck yourself."</p><p>"What, like with a dildo?" Arin asks, receiving a nod as a response. He swallows, biting down on his lip from the embarrassment he's already starting to feel. "Well, shit- I guess that's alright if you wanna watch. I just have to go get the stuff." Dan sits back to let Arin get up, and the younger slips out of bed, not bothering to put anything on. "Just keep yourself busy until I get back, alright? I won't be long, dude."</p><p>Before Dan responds, Arin is heading off into his room. Dan keeps himself worked up while Arin's gone with light, teasing touches to himself all over as he waits. After about five minutes or more pass and Dan's starting to wonder what happened, Arin's reopening the door with everything he needs in his hands.</p><p>"That took longer than I'd expected," Dan says with a chuckle as Arin settles down on the bed, back in the same spot where he was before.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm sorry," the younger tells him, running a hand through his hair. "I was getting myself ready, to be completely honest. This thing," he holds up the dildo, which is pink, and not super big, "obviously wasn't about to fit inside my asshole without some stretching first, so I went and fuckin' got that out of the way."</p><p>Dan giggles. "It's a shame you didn't let me watch. I bet it was hot."</p><p>Arin laughs a little, lying back against the pillows. "Well, like I'm still a bit embarrassed about it, dude, you get it. That's why I did it in the other room. Next time I'll consider letting you watch, though."</p><p>Dan nods, moving back so Arin has some room. "I understand. But now that you're ready, let's uh, let's do this, yeah?"</p><p>Arin pops open the bottle of lube, letting it drizzle out into his palm before he spreads it all over the pink toy. Dan watches him completely coat the dildo and then close up the bottle, setting it down wherever. When Arin spreads his legs, Dan can't help himself but to look, curious. He can see the younger's tiny, pink asshole fluttering and dripping wet with what he wonders is a different kind of lube. He finds it kind of hot and kind of fascinating and his cock is twitching at the sight weirdly enough, but he doesn't get to look for long because suddenly Arin's clearing his throat, and Dan's eyes are snapping up to look at his face instead.</p><p>"I uh- fuck, I hate to ask but can you help me get it in?" Arin's hands are kind of shaky and he looks nervous as he continues on. "If you don't want to or you're uncomfortable with doing it, that's fine, I just have a hard time doing it by myself- usually Suzy helps me when I'm fuckin' lying on my back like this."</p><p>Dan blinks, but he holds his hand out for the dildo with a slight nod of his head. Arin breathes a sigh of relief and hands it over. Some of the lube gets on the older man's hands, and it's weird because he's never used it very often so he always forgets that it's greasy but kind of dry at the same time, and definitely way too slippery; he drops the toy at least twice and Arin can't help but to laugh, so Dan finds himself joining in too instead of worrying. Laughing about things puts him at ease and helps him not feel weird or scared or anxious.</p><p>Dan finally gets the dildo positioned at Arin's asshole. "So I just gently push it in?" he asks, letting the toy brush against Arin's skin and making him jump a little from the contact. The younger of the two gives a nod of his own after. "Are you ready? And you'll tell me if it hurts you?"</p><p>"Yeah, man," Arin responds, holding up one of his legs with his arms to give Dan better access. "Go ahead and ease it right the fuck in- I'm past ready to come at this point."</p><p>Dan giggles, using both hands to steady the toy and gently push it against the younger's asshole until the tip slips in, but he stops pushing it in further when Arin grabs one of his wrists to stop him. Arin's taking deep and steady breaths, his eyebrows furrowing in slight discomfort, but it's not like it hurts enough to make him want Dan to pull it back out.</p><p>"Sorry," Arin manages to get out, "Fuck, I just- I need a moment."</p><p>Dan nods and holds the dildo in place. Once again, he's fascinated- by the way Arin's reddening hole flutters and clenches around it, by the way it's able to fit inside of him despite how big it is. Though it's not really that big, when Dan thinks about it; it's definitely on the smaller side for a dildo but it is a bit wide, and it makes Dan wonder if he'd fit inside of Arin this easily.</p><p>He swallows and decides not to linger on that thought for long.</p><p>Arin lets go of his wrist with a nod so Dan starts pushing it in again and doesn't stop until it's fully inside of him. Arin's arching his back a little, the slight extra stretch from it burning in his ass and taint, all the way up to his lower back, but not exactly burning in a bad way.</p><p>He lets out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Fuck," he swears, his arm thrown over his eyes as he tries to steady his breathing.</p><p>"Yeah, holy shit," Dan agrees, his fingers sliding up one of Arin's thighs to his hole to circle around the dildo, feeling how slick the area is. Arin flinches at the touch at first, not expecting it. Dan keeps circling with his finger, and he almost wants to try and slip a finger in alongside the toy, but decides against it. "This... this isn't like, fuckin' weird to you or anything, is it?"</p><p>"Is it weird for you?" Arin inquires instead of answering, lifting his arm to look at Dan's face. The older man only shrugs, removing his hand from Arin and reaching down to stroke himself once or twice. "I'm fuckin' okay if you are."</p><p>Dan lets out a contented, sleepy sigh. "I'm okay," he murmurs with a nod of his head to assure the younger of the two. "I promise. Though to me, this just doesn't feel quite normal? Like this feels like something we'd be doing later on in our sex life."</p><p>It's Arin's turn to shrug. "Yeah I get it, though it doesn't matter what order we try things in. It's all fine if this is what you're comfortable with at this time." He pauses to think, but then says, "This time it's touching and blowjobs and masturbation with sex toys, but next time it might be actual anal sex, or something else- all that matters is that we're both comfortable and okay with what we're trying and maybe actual sex isn't that for us right now. And like, it doesn't matter if it's 'normal' or not, dude, 'cause honestly we're not the most normal fuckin' people anyway. We can do things however we want."</p><p>Dan thinks about it. "You know what? Yeah, I think I have to agree with you on that. I mean, it could absolutely be even more weird, right?"</p><p>Arin nods. "Of course, man," he responds. "We could be doing some real kinky shit, like bondage or whatever. I'd say we're being pretty vanilla."</p><p>"Says the man with the pink dildo in his ass."</p><p>They share a laugh, but not wanting to ruin the mood fully, Dan leans forward to kiss Arin again. His knee accidentally pushes on the dildo, making Arin squirm a little.</p><p>Dan pulls back and looks at it. "Do you want me to..." he starts off, reaching down to grab it from the base and slide it out an inch before he slowly pushes it back in with just the smallest amount of force. Arin inhales sharply, shuddering at the feeling.</p><p>"I thought..." Arin begins breathlessly, "That you wanted to watch me do it myself."</p><p>Dan once again shrugs, a cheeky grin on his face. "I don't mind doing it if it's easier for you to get off," he tells the younger, his left hand staying on his own cock while the right gently eases the dildo out and thrusts it back in a little harder once more. "And to be completely honest with you, I fuckin' love the look on your face when I pull it out and then shove it right the fuck back inside you. It's something else, man."</p><p>Arin bites down on his lip, his hand in his hair as he watches the older man sitting by his ankles. "Yeah?" he hums quietly, his toes curling a little, "Shit, well if that's the case, then maybe you should keep doing it after all. Come on, fuck me with it."</p><p>Dan's eyes widen a little, but he's smiling. "I can do that," he says, pulling the toy out quickly only to immediately force it back in. Arin's breath hitches and Dan can see the younger's asshole clenching around the dildo, so he does it again. Though after he just holds in in place for a moment, growing a little serious. "Just let me know if I'm being too rough with it or if it starts to hurt, okay?"</p><p>"I'll let you know, Danny," Arin promises. Satisfied with that, Dan starts up and doesn't hold back, thrusting the toy in and out of Arin until he finds a rhythm with it. At the same time, he tries to jerk himself off the best that he can to the same rhythm, which is a bit difficult, but he guesses it's not too bad.</p><p>At one point, he stops touching himself to focus more on Arin. Dan holds onto the dildo a little steadier with his hand, grabbing onto one of Arin's legs with the other, pushing it up and holding it in place. He slides the toy out slowly until it's barely in and then angles it differently before he slams it back in. Arin cries out, surprising him.</p><p>He lifts his head to look at the younger's face. "Did I get your prostate?" he asks, and Arin nods wordlessly, teeth digging down into his lower lip from the lingering feeling. Dan eases the toy out and shoves it in again, just as hard as the first time, and Arin groans softly, his back arching and his hole fluttering, his stomach doing flips.</p><p>Dan asks Arin to hold his leg up for him and switches things up with gentle thrusts of the dildo to Arin's prostate to tease him, all the while working on jerking himself off now that his hand's free. Arin tenses up every time the toy brushes and grinds against the spot, his fingers of one hand digging into his own leg, and the fingers of the other grabbing ahold of anything within reach, unable to think or speak or do anything really except lie there and take it, but he honestly wouldn't have it any other way.</p><p>When Dan starts getting close, he lets his cock go and decides to stop teasing Arin, using the dildo to actually fuck his hole deeply and roughly, hitting the prostate almost every time now that he's found it. Arin lets out a colorful string of swears from it that actually has Dan giggling because they don't all quite make sense or aren't fully spoken. It gets Arin laughing too, but his giggles fade into soft, breathy moans and gasps with each thrust of the toy inside of him. He surprises himself- he's usually not this vocal at all, but with one look at Dan's face, Arin knows the older man loves hearing the sounds and so he decides not to worry about them.</p><p>Arin's hands move down to his ass, spreading his cheeks apart to make things a bit easier for Dan, although really it's all the same. Dan surprisingly finds himself enjoying the sight though and moves the toy a little faster and a little harder in and out of the younger's asshole.</p><p>It's not quite enough by itself to make him come, so Arin lets go of his ass with one hand and moves his hand around so that he can stroke himself, getting closer to his orgasm. He's already tired and aching and he's ready for it to happen despite wanting to drag it out as long as possible.</p><p>It doesn't take long until he's finally coming all over his hand and lower stomach with a swear and a quick inhale, thighs trembling and soft moans falling from his mouth. Dan fucks him through it with the dildo even after Arin finally relaxes against the bed, breathing heavily.</p><p>At this point his asshole feels so loose and slick and raw and just... used, all from a pink silicone dick, and of course he loves it, but now his prostate is starting to feel sensitive- his whole body jerks and tenses up each time Dan thrusts the dildo in and out of him, overstimulated. He would just take it, he would just allow Dan to keep fucking him with the thing even though it's too much for him until he'd get hard and until he'd come again, but he doesn't want to right now because it just is too much, and he's so tired tonight and he's had enough.</p><p>He reaches between his thighs and gently wraps his fingers around Dan's wrist to stop him, finally able to take a breather once Dan has stilled the toy.  The older man looks at him apologetically and so Arin lets go, keeping himself relaxed so that Dan can ease the toy out of him. It slips out easily, leaving Arin feeling a little empty once it's gone.</p><p>"Did it really feel that good?" Dan inquires after they've had a moment, amazed. Arin nods a little lazily, clearly feeling exhausted now. Dan sucks in a breath. "Fuck, it was crazy for me to watch it go in and out of you and to watch your asshole take the thing like that. And I- man, it's so- I don't mean to sound filthy, but-" he pauses, trying to figure out how to word it but giving up. "Well fuck, I can't even really get the words out."</p><p>Arin shrugs and grins sleepily, knowing that Dan's thinking about things as he leans in between Arin's legs and kisses him on the mouth. The younger sighs when their lips part, watching the older man put the dildo down and start touching himself again. Arin kisses him once more, letting his hand fall over the one Dan's using to jerk off, as if he's helping. His other hand tugs at Dan's curls, something he knows Dan likes. It doesn't take long until the older of the two is coming for a second time, but this time it gets all over himself as well as Arin.</p><p>He lets his head fall onto Arin's shoulder. "Goddamn," he swears, trying to catch his breath, trying to think clearly. Arin holds him close, his clean hand leaving Dan's head to brush the curls away from his face. "Dude-"</p><p>"I know, right?" Arin chuckles and Dan finally sits up on his calves. "I know you're probably fucking dead tired because so am I, but we really should take a shower before we go to sleep. I'm covered in jizz and sweat and lube and I feel super gross."</p><p>Dan nods reluctantly. "Alright, together then, right?" he asks with a yawn. It throws Arin off, but he shouldn't be surprised after everything that just happened between them. He nods as well, so Dan stands up and offers him a hand, which he takes. Both of their legs are wobbly, but Arin's are also kind of sore, though so is his asshole already; it's tender and throbbing, shooting mild pains into his lower back. He doesn't mind.</p><p>He's sticky too, uncomfortably so. His asshole still feels open and wet and his throat's starting to ache. All he can taste is semen also, and it's not exactly pleasant anymore, especially now that he isn't horny. He's fucking tired as hell now too, and he finds himself wondering what kind of state Dan's in.</p><p>The two slowly make their way from the bed to the door, and then from there literally to the bathroom door across from the guest bedroom. Dan starts the water once inside, getting it warmed up before turning the shower part on and helping Arin in.</p><p>The water feels so good cascading over them, cleaning them off. Arin lets his eyes slip shut and feels Dan press a kiss to the slight scar on his forehead from when he fell down the stairs. It's not super noticable, but Dan remembers exactly where it's at every time.</p><p>Once they start lathering themselves (and each other) with soap, Arin finally remembers to say what he'd wanted to earlier, now that he's finally gotten a second to think.</p><p>"By the way," is what he starts with, running a soapy hand down Dan's arm until it locks with one of the older's hands. "I wanted to maybe take you out on a date tomorrow, since we still haven't technically gone on one. What do you think?"</p><p>His eyes meet Dan's and the older man seems nervous, frowning a little. "A date?" he questions, chewing on his lip. "What uh... what were you thinking of exactly? I mean, what'd you have in mind?"</p><p>Arin shrugs, a little worried but deciding not to dwell on it too much in case he's reading too far into things. "I don't know," he answers truthfully, not getting much time to think it all over. "Maybe dinner and a movie or whatever- you know, the classic shit. And maybe we could like, go on a walk after or something like that? I don't know, dude, just... a date."</p><p>"Oh," Dan says like he isn't sure of what else to say. "So you mean... in public? Because like... I'm just worried about someone recognizing us or something, you know?"</p><p>There's something wrong, something more to it than just not wanting to be recognized and Arin knows it, but he isn't sure about what it really is, or if he should even question it, afraid of making Dan upset or making him feel forced to say.</p><p>"Don't worry, man, we can fuckin' head to the next city over," Arin tells Dan to reassure him, swooping in and kissing his cheek quickly. "Since we hardly ever go there we don't have to worry about being seen because we won't be back any time soon, and like... there's a small chance that we're gonna run into a fan, so it's not like anyone is gonna know us there. And besides, we can be careful, obviously."</p><p>Dan still seems reluctant, but he's nodding with a sigh. "Okay, fine. We can go as long as we're extra careful and shit."</p><p>Arin wonders what's up with him, but leaves it alone, moving under the shower spray to rinse the soap off of himself. The rest of the time spent in the shower is pretty quiet, but by the time they're getting out and drying off, Dan's mood seems to have gone back to normal and they're laughing and joking and flirting again like before.</p><p>Once back in the room, they quickly change the top sheets that they dirtied, and, not caring about getting dressed, they fall into bed together. They feel all nice, warm and clean after their shower, their skin feeling soft and smooth as their hands roam over each other. It's not sexual, just... sensual, perhaps.</p><p>They easily fall asleep once under the covers, the exhaustion finally taking over.</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. 24</h2></a>
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    <p>Arin wakes before Dan does. It's about 11:30 in the morning and the sunlight is coming in through the window, streaming onto the floor. The younger man looks over to find that Dan is indeed still sound asleep, his eyelashes barely touching his cheekbones, his hair all over the place, his lips slightly parted. He looks beautiful, and Arin can't help himself- he leans forward, pressing a kiss against the older man's forehead before kissing the side of his neck and then pecking his lips.</p><p>Dan stirs a little, eyebrows knitting together. Arin watches as his eyelashes flutter open until he's squinting from how bright it is in the room. He smiles widely though when he notices Arin looking at him.</p><p>They exchange a few sleepy kisses before Arin sits up, running a hand through his hair. To get out of the bed he has to climb over Dan, and when he actually does it he's reminded of how sore he is. Dan makes sure he's alright and then gets out of bed also, deciding he might as well get dressed too like Arin is, because fuck it, he's already up now.</p><p>Once they're dressed they head downstairs. Suzy is working on something for her shop and smiles knowingly when she sees them. She doesn't say anything about it though, only telling them good morning before she continues on with her work.</p><p>Dan offers to make breakfast for everyone, though Arin isn't confident in Dan's cooking abilities. He decides to help him and make sure he doesn't burn anything, be it the food or the house or himself.</p><p>They end up just making scrambled eggs with spinach and toast and then they all sit down together to eat. Suzy has to suppress a giggle when she notices Arin having a hard time sitting comfortably, and they all know that Arin's going to fill her in later about everything. But in the meantime they make small talk and end up discussing the date that Arin wants to take Dan on.</p><p>"Classic dinner and a movie, huh?" Suzy hums, taking another bite of her eggs. "I see. So when are you guys heading out?"</p><p>Arin looks at Dan, but the older man just shrugs and continues eating in silence. Arin frowns and instead turns to look at Suzy again.</p><p>"I was thinking right after dark maybe," he replies, pushing his now empty plate away. "Or at least like, fuckin'... an hour or two before the movie starts if we're eating first, though I don't know where to go to eat and I'm unsure about what we'll be seeing at the theater. Maybe sushi or something?"</p><p>"Sounds fine, and for the movie, we can just pick when we get there," Dan says, sipping some milk. Suzy nods at that, her mouth too full to speak but trying to convey that she agrees.</p><p>Once they all finish eating Suzy goes back to her work and Arin sits beside Dan on the couch. The older man wants to catch up on some shows that he missed while on tour, so Arin decides to watch with him.</p><p>Dan's head ends up on Arin's shoulder, the younger's hand resting right above Dan's knee, rubbing small circles into his outer thigh with his thumb. The older of the two smiles fondly, his own hand brushing against Arin's.</p><p>They end up watching a bunch of SNL and a few other things until Dan gets bored of the TV. They chat with Suzy and switch the game on for a little while instead, playing a few rounds of a multiplayer game. Dan's talking about the tour and asking more about what Arin and Suzy got up to while he was away, petting Mochi, who sits in his lap, after the first round of the game.</p><p>When the sun starts setting, Arin looks at the clock and then stands up. "We should probably get ready to go," he yawns as he turns off the game and puts down the controller, making his way from the living room, through the kitchen and over to the stairs. "I'm going to go up and get changed. I need to find something decent to wear."</p><p>He disappears, leaving both Dan and Suzy by themselves. It's then that Suzy finally turns to Dan, frowning.</p><p>"Why is it that you seem to not want to go on this date with Arin?" she questions, her full attention on him instead of her work. Dan's eyes flicker over to her, but they quickly shift away after. He's not surprised that she noticed. "Did something happen? Did he, like, say something wrong or...?"</p><p>"It's not..." Dan starts, but he doesn't exactly know how to say what he's actually feeling. "Fuck, I mean it's not that I don't want to go exactly, and it's not really about Arin, I guess, it's... more about me? He didn't do anything, I'm just fuckin'..."</p><p>"Worried?" Suzy guesses, receiving a nod from Dan as a response. "About what, Danny?"</p><p>Just as he opens his mouth to reply, Arin's coming back downstairs. The younger man, now dressed a little better than he was before, pauses at the bottom of the stairs when his wife and boyfriend abruptly stop speaking and turn to look at him. He looks right on back, confused and kind of worried.</p><p>"Is... something wrong?" he asks them, "Did I do something?" But Dan is smiling a little at him and shaking his head, dropping his and Suzy's conversation completely.</p><p>"No, big cat, nothing's wrong," the older man insists, though they're all aware that it's not the truth. "But, uh, hey, you look... you look really nice. I should probably head up and get dressed too, actually. I hope I have something in my bag."</p><p>Without another word, Dan heads upstairs and into the guest bedroom. Arin looks at Suzy like he expects her to have an answer, but she only shrugs.</p><p>"I tried to ask him about why he's being so weird about the date," she explains as Arin takes a seat next to her at the island. "All that I got was that he's worried about something and it doesn't exactly have to do with you, but he didn't get to say what was bothering him because you came back so quick. I think that he doesn't want you to be worried too, which is probably why he doesn't seem to want you to know about what's going on with him."</p><p>Arin's eyebrows knit together. "Do you think he's afraid of people seeing us together?" he wonders aloud, his chin resting in his palm as he looks over towards the stairs. "Like seeing us, and fuckin'... thinking something bad about us for being together, or even going as far as to actually say something to our faces? D'ya think that he's worried that if we go out together, people will think we're disgusting? Or maybe he's just worried that someone who knows of us will find out and tell everyone before we're ready or something?"</p><p>Suzy bites her lip, giving Arin a grim expression. "It's hard to say for sure what's bothering him, but you may be onto something. We shouldn't assume though, just in case it's something else, but I have a weird feeling that you're right."</p><p>"Do you think he's ashamed of me or embarrassed to be seen with me?"</p><p>Suzy frowns. "Baby, no- of course not. He loves you."</p><p>Arin sighs softly, his head falling against Suzy's shoulder. "Should I call off the date?" he asks her, wondering what he should do, if he should let it go and go on the date without saying anything or if he should speak up about it. Though if Dan doesn't want to go, then Arin's not going to force him, obviously.</p><p>And if Dan doesn't want to go and it is for the reasons the younger of the two suspects, well then Arin just doesn't understand, he guesses, because what would the big deal be in someone they don't know seeing them together? Most people are accepting nowadays, and even if they aren't, people can be easily ignored unless they're super aggressive or hostile, and most people aren't either of those as of late.</p><p>Or at least Arin hopes.</p><p>Arin gets that Dan is probably paranoid about it though because all he's ever been is straight until they got together, and that's fair, of course, but... maybe Arin had hoped things would've changed a little by now and that maybe Dan would be comfortable with other people knowing. Besides the two of them, only Suzy, Brian, and his wife Rachel know. No one else does; not their families, not any of their other friends, including Ross, Sean, Barry and Vernon, Matt and Ryan and Allie and more- nobody else knows.</p><p>Maybe it's better like this, but Arin thinks that everyone else who knows them will not mind at all. It's just that Dan's afraid, and that's valid, of course; Arin doesn't mind keeping it a secret because yeah, maybe the others won't care about it being kind of gay, but they probably won't understand the agreement between Dan and Arin and Suzy, and Arin doesn't want anyone to think he's a cheater because he definitely isn't.</p><p>"I don't know if you should call it off," Suzy tells him finally, gently touching his shoulder. "But maybe talk to him first and see how he feels? If he's uncomfortable then maybe you should call it off for now, I don't know."</p><p>Before Arin gets to say anything, Dan speaks up from where he how stands at the bottom of the stairs, surprising Arin and Suzy both.</p><p>"You don't have to call it off, Arin," is what the older man says, sounding a little embarrassed or sad or nervous, or perhaps all three. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but it's hard not to hear you, dude. So yeah, you're right- I'm fucking scared, Ar, of people thinking that I'm gay, I'm scared of people knowing that you're my boyfriend and then giving me shit for it, I'm scared of anyone else finding out and then thinking differently of me, and... I'm scared of everything else too, but I can't help it. I'm just not ready for anyone else to know that we're together and it's not that I'm ashamed of you, because I'm not, baby, please don't think that. I'm ashamed of myself, and I really don't understand why."</p><p>Arin nods, swallowing. "Well what if..." he starts, eyes studying Dan and finally noticing how nice he looks; it'd be a shame if they didn't go, so he continues speaking. "What if instead of cancelling the date, we just fuckin' go, but like... keep everything on the down-low? If we're somewhere that someone could possibly see us, then we won't touch or kiss or anything and then everyone will just assume that we're only friends. Would that be okay?"</p><p>Dan sighs and thinks it over for a moment. "It wouldn't be the fuckin' romantic date I know you're hoping for and I'm sorry about that, but what you're suggesting would... it would be okay with me, I think. As long as we stick to it."</p><p>Arin perks up a little. "Really?" he nearly whispers, a little surprised that Dan's agreeing. Dan gives a nod and Arin lets out a breath, happy that they're actually going to get to go on their first date after all. "Well if that's the case, we should get going then, shouldn't we?"</p><p>With that Arin stands and kisses Suzy on the cheek. "We'll be back, Suze, love you," he tells her, moving over to where Dan awkwardly stands in the kitchen area. He offers his hand to Dan, which the older man takes, and they head towards the front door.</p><p>"Love you too," Suzy calls out to him, smiling. "That goes for you too, Danny. Love you! Also, I'm probably going to be out by the time you get back, so if that's the case I'll probably see you both in the morning."</p><p>Dan chuckles as Arin opens up the door. "Okay, love you too, Scuze," he utters, letting Arin tug him outside. "Bye!"</p><p>-</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. 25</h2></a>
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    <p>They quickly get into the car, Arin hopping in the driver's seat. Now that they're alone so that it doesn't feel weird and no one can see them, Dan leans over and pulls Arin in for a kiss. The younger man sighs into it, melting a little. It's just what he's been wanting.</p><p>Dan's hand smooths over Arin's chest, his thumb brushing against Arin's exposed skin where the top button of his shirt is undone. He pulls back before something else happens, a grin on his face at the way Arin looks almost dazed just from all of that.</p><p>"Fuck," the younger breathes, starting the car. Dan giggles as he puts on his seatbelt and reaches for the volume on the radio to turn it up a little. He switches the station until he finds a song he recognizes and leaves it on that.</p><p>The sky is beautiful as they pull out of the driveway. The sun's rays are barely peeking out between the trees, the sun itself almost completely sunken below the horizon. All that they can really see is a gorgeous mix of pink and gold and orange as they head towards the restaurant, and when they stop at a light, Arin looks over at Dan.</p><p>"You do look really fuckin' nice, Dan," he tells him just because he feels like he should say it, just because he really wants to. Dan finally meets his gaze and smiles shyly. "Thanks for deciding to come out here with me. I wanted to take you on a date because we'd missed like, three anniversaries, and we've never gone on one before, so... yeah."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Dan murmurs, holding onto his seatbelt strap. "I wish you could've gone with me or something. Fuck, it's just that things just got so hectic after we decided to try to be together, like almost immediately. We didn't have time to really work on things before things got crazy and I went on tour. Do you think I should've waited to agree to this until I got back?"</p><p>Arin looks at him like he's insane. "No way. If you had, the three months you were gone would've been so much harder. I didn't mind waiting for you as we are now, and you got some time to yourself which is what you needed and things are okay now. I'm glad you didn't wait."</p><p>Dan hums thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess I'm glad I didn't wait either," he admits as the traffic light turns green and they start moving again. "Last night was... fuckin' crazy. We didn't really get to talk about it since we were so tired after, but... fuck, Arin, that was something else."</p><p>Arin fidgets a little, smiling shyly. "It was," he agrees, thumb tapping on the steering wheel. "Honestly, though, it would've been so much better if you'd fucked me."</p><p>They both laugh a little. "Oh god, you're right," Dan whines after, briefly catching Arin's eye. "I mean, it was still great but... yeah, I should've fucked you."</p><p>"Or I should've fucked you," Arin suggests, but once again Dan is chuckling.</p><p>"Don't get ahead of yourself there, Ar. I um... I hate to say it but I'm far from being comfortable with that. As it is, I'm still trying to get over the fact that I touched your dick, so, uh... yeah, it's gonna take a hot minute for me to want to put it anywhere near my mouth or my ass."</p><p>Arin giggles, shaking his head. "Alright, man, that's fair, but you can still fuck me at least. You can do it whenever you want to, if you're ready for it."</p><p>"I think I'd be okay with that," Dan replies thoughtfully. "I mean, like... okay, last night was crazy and there were so many things happening, so part of me felt like what we did was perfectly fine by itself, you know? And like... currently, I just, you know, I have to keep telling myself that sex is fuckin' sex no matter who it's with, and that there's nothing wrong with me for wanting to have it with you, but... I want to get to that point where I don't even think about it like that anymore and I can just fuck you and I don't have to worry about feeling wrong for it or any other negative thing after. I want to be comfortable with you, even if that means pushing myself right now."</p><p>Arin nods. "I understand, dude," he says, reaching for Dan's hand. "I don't want to be the one to push you though. I'm letting you make the decisions for us right now until we can get to that point where I know for sure how you'll feel about the situation and shit. I just want you to know that I'm okay with anything, so don't worry about me being comfortable or anything like that. You worry about how you feel, okay?"</p><p>Dan lets out a sigh. "Okay," he responds, squeezing Arin's hand tightly. "So, uh, do you think that maybe we could try tonight then? Like do you think that I could actually fuck you myself instead of with one of your toys? I could've done it last night but, um... like I said, there was already a ton of shit happening at once."</p><p>Arin looks over briefly, wide-eyed. "Of course, dude, you don't even have to ask me. You can do whatever you want with me and I won't mind at all- all that matters to me is that it's okay with you first, you know? So yeah, we can do whatever you want tonight as soon as we get back because we won't be bothering Suzy since she'll be out."</p><p>"But like... you're not still too sore or anything? I wouldn't want to fuckin' hurt you and shit. That'd make me feel terrible."</p><p>Arin shrugs. "Well, I get that, and I mean... fuck, I dunno. I'm still a bit sore but I think I'll be okay though; it's not that bad anymore. Just go a little easy on me, yeah?" He laughs and pulls his hand away so that he can take the turn at the next light they come to. His hand finds Dan's again and the older man's thumb brushes over his knuckles.</p><p>"Oh, okay, sure. I can be gentle. But, uh... yeah, maybe we should talk about this later. I don't want to have a boner during dinner."</p><p>They share a laugh and finally pull into the restaurant's parking lot. Dan notices that it is in fact a sushi place, like he'd suggested earlier, and he nods his approval, but Arin stops him before he gets out with a hand on his arm as he tells him to wait just a moment. The younger man kisses him and then gets out and closes his door before he comes around to Dan's side and opens the door for him, holding out a hand.</p><p>Arin is grinning widely, and Dan can't find it in him to refuse despite feeling like it's a bad idea, so he gently but nervously takes Arin's hand and steps out of the car. Once he's on his feet he squeezes Arin's hand and then lets it go in fear that someone else will see. He misses Arin's briefly sad expression.</p><p>They head inside just as the twilight starts to fade away, taking a seat at the sushi bar. The place is quite dim except for in the kitchen and it feels quite cozy. There's hardly anyone around too, which makes it much better.</p><p>They get something to drink before anything else, but once they've had time to look at the menu they finally decide on what they want and place their order. They watch the man make their food and they start up a conversation in the meantime.</p><p>Their sushi is served with soy sauce, ginger, and wasabi, though they both ignore the latter since it's too spicy for the both of them. Once they've added what they want to their plates, they go ahead and grab their chopsticks to dig into the food.</p><p>They end up trying some of each other's and sharing, and when they're completely finished they pay and then leave so that they can make it to the movie theater in time. It's already dark out by the time they climb into the car, so Arin uses this free moment to pull Dan in for a kiss.</p><p>"What was that for?" Dan asks when they break apart. Arin just smiles and shakes his head, starting up the car and pulling out of the parking lot.</p><p>The ride to the theater is spent listening to music of Dan's choice, so mostly 'Tool' and 'Rush' songs. It takes about twenty minutes to get there and when they park, they have another twenty minutes to spare, though they have to use it to decide on a movie, buy their tickets and any drinks or snacks and then use the bathroom and find their seats.</p><p>They head inside and get in line, looking at the new release posters and such to get an idea of what they want to see. They end up deciding on the newest Star Wars movie just in time for them to step up to the counter. They buy the tickets and get some drinks and candy, making sure everything is paid for.</p><p>The room is already dark when they step inside, and the previews are playing already. There doesn't seem to be many people here except for in the very front, which are the worst seats. Arin leads the way over to a row somewhere between the very back and the middle of the room. He takes a seat and of course so does Dan beside him.</p><p>They make sure to turn down the volumes on their phones so that they don't disturb anyone and then they put them away. Arin looks over just in time to catch Dan's eyes and see him smile.</p><p>"Uh, so again, I'm glad you came out here with me," Arin whispers, returning the smile. "It means a lot. I've been wanting to take you out on a date for a while like I said before- you know, like a proper date. Sure, we've fuckin' gone out and shit before but not like this, you know what I mean? Something just feels... different tonight, but in a good way. I like this."</p><p>Dan looks around before he takes Arin's hand and intertwines their fingers together. "Of course," he replies quietly, swallowing. "I only was hesitant to come because I don't want anybody to see us together and know the truth. I can barely accept it myself and I know how some people can be, and obviously it's not like it's your fault or anything- like I said this all earlier, but I'm not ashamed of you, and I'm not even ashamed of being with you. It's just... me being whatever I am is what I'm ashamed of. Especially because I identified as straight for so long but now I don't even know what I am."</p><p>Arin nods, trying not to frown. "I understand, Danny."</p><p>Dan lets out a sigh. "Sorry, I keep repeating myself all the time." He pauses and bites his lip, but then continues on. "Like... I'm not gay because I like women, but I don't really think bisexual fits me either because I'm not into guys- I'm just into you only. What does that make me?"</p><p>"Well, that'd be Arinsexual," the younger man jokes. They share a quiet giggle, trying not to disturb anyone else, but then Arin gives Dan's hand a squeeze. "No, but seriously, you'd still be bisexual. You can like women 99.9 percent of the time and only like guys 0.01 percent of the time - even if that 0.01 percent is just me - and still classify, but I'm not trying to like fuckin' force a label on you or anything. You can still identify as straight if that's what you're comfortable with but just have me as your only exception."</p><p>Dan thinks about that. "I see," he says softly, his mouth in a thin, straight line. "Well I'll think about how I feel about all of it before I decide to pick a label."</p><p>Arin nods once more, bringing Dan's hand up to his lips to place a kiss there. "That's fair," he replies, eyes looking over towards the big screen now. He tries not to seem disappointed when Dan pulls his hand away.</p><p>"We still going on a walk or something after this is over?" Dan asks him, but Arin had thought that he'd forgotten all about it. He looks over at the older man, nodding. "Good, good, okay- I was just making sure."</p><p>They don't really talk much after that except to comment on the movie. Arin doesn't pay much attention to it, too lost in his head to get what's going on and so he finds himself a bit disappointed in the film, however Dan says that he loved the whole thing. The lights in the theater come on and they stand up and stretch before they head out, taking the last of their drinks and snacks with them.</p><p>Since the theater is right in the middle of this particular town around where there's other things going on, Arin just makes sure his car doors are locked and he and Dan go walking around. There seems to be a festival or a carnival or something happening in the park tonight nearby- there's twinkling fairy lights everywhere, the streets are crowded with people and there's food stands and games and such all set up.</p><p>They're not very familiar with this area and they just hope that nobody recognizes them here as they pass through multiple crowds of people, deciding to check it out. They then decide to stop and play a few games before they resume their walk- the first one they choose being a ring toss. Dan's eyeing up the dinosaur plush toys and is determined to get one, but he waits and lets Arin go first.</p><p>As hard as he tries, Arin loses. Picking the rings back up, he hands them to Dan. "Good luck," Arin tells him, but Dan doesn't need luck- he wins on his first try, surprising his boyfriend. "Whoa, holy shit, Dan, that was awesome."</p><p>"Go ahead and pick a prize," the pretty blonde girl running this particular game says, her name-tag reading 'Ashley'. With a bright grin, Dan's eyes scan the plush toys and he points out the one he really wants, the blue stegosaurus, of course. It's as if it was made for him. The girl - Ashley - reaches for it and hands it over, smiling.</p><p>Dan hands it to Arin so that he can pick the rings back up. "I'm gonna play again," he states, and just as easily as the first time, he wins again. Looking over at Arin, he whispers so that Ashley can't hear, "Which one do you want, babe?" and he then discreetly gestures to the toys.</p><p>Arin's heart flutters and isn't able to get the words out so Dan picks for him, pointing at a toy on the top shelf.</p><p>"That one," he declares and Arin's eyes follow to where he's pointing, but he still isn't sure about which one until Dan clarifies, "The pink cat."</p><p>The girl grabs the cat toy off of the shelf and passes it to Dan. "Aw, are you gonna give this to someone?" she asks curiously, her tone a little flirty. Arin wants to be jealous, but he doesn't quite have it in him to be. "Like... um, I don't know, do you have a girlfriend or something that will like it?"</p><p>Dan looks at Arin briefly, pursing his lips. "Yeah, I'm seeing someone who I'll probably give it to," he confirms with a nod. Ashley seems a bit disappointed and goes quiet even after Dan picks up the rings for a third time. Once again, he looks at Arin. "Now I'm going to win something for Suzy."</p><p>The plush he picks out for her when he wins is another cat, but this one is an inky black with golden eyes. Once it's in his hands, they're given a bag to put everything in, and then they're off and on their way to explore more of the carnival.</p><p>"That girl was super fuckin' into you, dude," Arin states when they get far enough away that she can't hear them. Dan shrugs, trying to avoid it, so Arin asks, "Do you think she knew that we were together?"</p><p>Dan quickly looks at the younger man, fear in his eyes. "I sure hope not," he says, chewing on his bottom lip. "I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter- we won't see her again."</p><p>Arin frowns. "Yeah, you're probably right."</p><p>They head over to the beanbag toss game, which Arin finds he's a little better at than he was with the rings once they start playing. Dan still wins by two points and then they end up moving on to see everything else.</p><p>They stop at the decorated fountain in the center of the park, sitting on the edge, side-by-side. They look around at all the people, but somehow Arin can't stop focusing on Dan only. He wishes he could kiss him right now in front of everyone, but not only does Dan not want to be seen doing anything romantic with Arin by anyone here for obvious reasons, he also doesn't like PDA. Bummer.</p><p>They don't linger long at the fountain. They both kind of have to piss, so they head to the bathroom before deciding to continue looking around or not. Arin is surprised to see that there's nobody else here when they head inside, the door shutting behind them loudly.</p><p>They finish up quickly and turn to leave after washing their hands, but before they do, Arin double checks that no one came in and then pins Dan's hips against the sink with his own, his arms coming up around his back in an embrace.</p><p>"Arin... we can't," Dan murmurs, hesitant. Arin buries his face in the crook of Dan's neck anyway, breathing in deeply. Dan lets out a sigh, his hands moving to rest on Arin's lower back, giving in.</p><p>"Do you want to keep walking around or go back to my house or...?" Arin questions as he pulls back a little to see Dan's face. The older man seems unsure, so Arin leans in and kisses him. Dan giggles against his mouth.</p><p>"I guess that means that you're ready to go home, huh?" Dan whispers in between kisses. Arin shrugs and Dan only shakes his head but allows Arin to kiss him once more. His fingers dig into the younger man's shoulders as he tries to pull him closer.</p><p>Though neither of them can process what's happening when some guy barges into the bathroom and stops in his tracks when he sees them. Arin pulls away from Dan and they both stare at the guy like they don't know what to do.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk if star wars is still in theaters or not, rip. i think it was when i wrote this but yeah idk, i don't watch star wars.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Whoa, um, I'm sorry," the guy says before he leaves just as quickly as he came in.</p><p>Before Arin can even look at Dan, the older man is shoving him away like he's disgusted by him. "God fucking dammit," Dan swears, pushing past Arin. "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. This is why I didn't want to come on this date in the first fucking place- I told you I'm not ready for people to know about this."</p><p>"The guy didn't even seem all that bothered, just embarrassed," Arin tries to explain, reaching for Dan's arm. Dan shrugs it off and runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the curls. "Danny, please- he more than likely didn't recognize us and we'll never fuckin' see him again. He's just some rando, it's not like everyone is gonna somehow find out about us now."</p><p>"That's not the fucking point, Arin," Dan snaps, sounding a little defeated, as if he's on the verge of tears. "The point is that I'm scared of being judged by other people and okay, yeah, I'm scared of what will happen when people find out, because they will find out- it's not like we can hide this forever, and I know that, but goddamn... how many times do I need to say that I'm not fucking ready for people to know and I don't wanna know how everyone else is going to react- I don't think I can handle it. It doesn't matter that he was some fucking rando, I just... I knew this was a bad idea."</p><p>Dan leaves the bathroom, but Arin follows him out. "Dan," he sighs, reaching for his boyfriend, but Dan pushes him away. Arin's sure Dan can see the hurt on his face, but he doesn't react to it.</p><p>"No, Arin. Just stop." Arin's hands fall to his sides and Dan looks at him with a guilty expression. "This... this was a mistake; it's obviously not going to work out between us when I can't even handle the fact that I'm in love with another guy and I don't want anyone else to know about it."</p><p>Arin nearly winces. "What are you saying?" he almost whispers, his eyes watering. Dan frowns, avoiding his eyes because he knows he'll only find hurt in them.</p><p>"I'm saying that we should just break up now before I ruin everything and this destroys our friendship for good."</p><p>Arin feels like he's been shot right in the chest. He takes in a shuddering breath, but Dan speaks again before he gets the chance to say anything.</p><p>"Look, Arin... if we're together, keeping our relationship a secret is the best thing we can do because not everyone is going to understand it, first of all, and like... fuck, I don't want anybody- not friends or fans or anyone, period, to think of me differently for wanting to be with you. I'm not ready for public dates or anything like that because as it is I'm barely getting used to kissing you and shit. Once again, I'm not ready for anyone else to know about us. I keep repeating myself and it feels like you don't get it."</p><p>"I do get it, but nobody would think differently of you, Dan," Arin argues, trying not to get too emotional, "But I understand, and it's fine that you don't want anyone else to know and I'm sorry that you keep having to make that clear, because you shouldn't have to. And I'm sorry if I've been pushing you, Danny, but please... please don't say that we should break up."</p><p>Arin pauses, trying to figure out what to say next. "Look, you know I'm an idiot, and I make mistakes and- and I'm so fucking sorry, dude. I know that I shouldn't have made you come out here, and I shouldn't have kissed you in a public place, and I should've... I should've done things different. But I promise that from now on I won't do anything that could possibly out us to anyone or anything like that, okay? I swear that I won't fuck this up again. Just... please don't say that it's over."</p><p>Dan bites down on his bottom lip. "I wanna be with you, Arin; I wouldn't be standing here right now if I didn't. I just feel like I'm being selfish and unfair to you, and all of that could destroy everything between us. I don't want that. I want to prevent that, and I feel like breaking up is the only way."</p><p>"You're allowed to be selfish- I don't mind if you are. I'm willing to do and put up with whatever I need to in order to be with you because I fucking love you, Dan, you know? I really fucking love you, and I'm not gonna give up on you that easily. So don't... don't break up with me. Please."</p><p>Dan gives him a long, hard look and then he sighs. "I love you too, Ar," he finally says, walking over to him and pulling him into a tight hug. "I'll try harder to get over my fears for you, but just be patient with me if you can. I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out."</p><p>Arin hugs him back, but tighter. "No, baby, don't be," the younger man tells him. "I deserve it and honestly, I should be apologizing to you because I broke your rule, or whatever it is. I hurt you, basically, and I'm sorry."</p><p>Dan shakes his head. "You didn't, but none of that matters now," he insists, pulling away a little before someone else sees them, but then he changes his mind. "You... you're right anyway- these people don't know us and we'll never see them again so let them think whatever, right? It's not gonna hurt us." Dan lets out an exhale and steps back, holding out his free hand, offering it to Arin. "Now why don't we just go ahead and head back to yours? We have to record the show tomorrow so we might as well spend the rest of our night away from other people and their prying eyes so that we can actually fuckin' enjoy it before we get busy with our lives again."</p><p>Arin nods, slowly taking Dan's hand and letting their fingers intertwine. "Okay, let's go then."</p><p>And that's how they make their way back through the carnival and to Arin's car- their fingers laced together, Arin smiling and Dan trying not to care if anyone sees them and judges. He finds himself catching the eye of that girl from the ring toss game before - Ashley, and her surprised look and then her small, understanding smile. He sends one back to her, and she waves goodbye.</p><p>Once they're back at the movie theater parking lot, they hop inside of Arin's car and start the drive home, talking quietly.</p><p>"What do you wanna do when we get back?" Arin inquires as they stop at a red light. Dan shoots him a look and Arin finds himself confused. "Hey, what's that look for? I was just asking."</p><p>"Oh come on, Arin," Dan says suddenly, shaking his head at him. "I know you're an idiot, dude, but I also know you're kinda smart too, so go ahead and use your brain. You know what I want to do already."</p><p>Arin blinks before it clicks in his head, his face feeling warm. "Oh. You're talking about sex, right?"</p><p>Dan rolls his eyes and then he laughs. "Yes, Arin, I'm talking about sex."</p><p>Arin furrows his eyebrows. "You still want to?" he asks. He wasn't really expecting it to happen tonight anymore after their argument, but it's not like he's going to say no if that's what Dan wants still. "Not that I don't want to, I just figured you wouldn't want to after tonight considering we almost fuckin' broke up and everything. So like... don't think that you have to force yourself or anything because you don't."</p><p>Dan frowns, reaching for Arin's hand after the younger man makes a turn and continues driving.</p><p>"I'm not forcing myself," Dan murmurs, trying to reassure him. "I want to still, even after the small fight we had, because we're okay now, and honestly it might help me feel better." Dan laughs a little nervously. "And besides, we already talked about it earlier, remember?"</p><p>"Yeah," Arin replies with a grin, "I remember. I just wanted to be sure you're still completely okay with it."</p><p>Dan chuckles, bringing Arin's hand to his lips and placing a kiss on his knuckles. "I'm okay with it, dude, I promise. And you know, it may have made me nervous, but it also felt really fuckin' good to walk back to your car, through that carnival full of people, holding your hand the whole time. It felt nice not to care."</p><p>Arin bites his lip. "I'm glad. Honestly. I know it can be scary- when I first realized I was bi, I used to get so scared that people would be able to tell just from looking at me. I slowly got over it, but then the fear came back when I briefly dated a guy. I was so fuckin' scared that people could tell or would somehow find out, despite the fact that we never went on dates or anything and I didn't tell people about him. It got so bad that I just randomly ended the relationship, but now I'm at the point where I don't care what people think of me anymore, you know?"</p><p>Dan nods, but he tilts his head. "So wait, you really have dated a guy before? So I was right then... When did that happen?"</p><p>"Uh... when Suzy and I briefly broke up that one time when I was like 22, I think, and she was dating that one asshole, Shawn. I've told you about it before. Anyway, I'll fuckin' spare most of the details, but like I said, it didn't last long because of me. We were only together for about two or three months, but he was nice though, I guess." Arin pauses for a moment but then remembers what he'd wanted to say next. "Oh, yeah, though we were together, I never slept with him; we just fooled around and shit because I was too scared to go any further with him than just like, handjobs and fingering. And then about two weeks after I broke up with him, Suzy and I got back together, so yeah... it all worked out."</p><p>Dan looks at Arin curiously. "So... Suzy knows about it then?" he questions, though he's guessing that she probably does by this point. They have been together for a long time, and if she doesn't know, Dan would be shocked to find out.</p><p>Arin confirms what Dan pretty much already guessed. "Oh, hell yeah she knows, dude. She was actually the first person who I came out to and that's kinda what caused problems between us and split us up until we had time to sit down and talk it out, and then after everything she was okay with it, of course. But I made sure that I told her I was with him before we got back together, in case it made her change her mind."</p><p>"I see," Dan murmurs in response, but then he can't help but to wonder. "So then... will I be the first guy you've ever actually... you know, had actual, full-blown sex with, or...?"</p><p>Arin purses his lips, his eyes on the road. "...Yeah, you will be," he breathes out as if he's kind of embarrassed, also confirming Dan's other suspicions. Somehow, hearing him say it has Dan feeling a pang in his chest and a weird mix of nervousness, excitement and something like pride swirling around inside of himself. "I actually haven't had sex with another dude. Crazy, isn't it?"</p><p>"Fuck," Dan swears under his breath, but Arin still catches it and gives him a worried look. Dan simply waves it away. "It's just that I didn't expect... goddamn, Arin. I guess I just automatically assumed that you at least fucked another guy at this point like I was telling you last night, though I was never sure if you dated one before me, so like... yeah, it's blowing my mind a little to find out you haven't. Not uh, not that I'm trying to make it sound like you're a whore or anything. Shit, I'm fucking this up, aren't I? I'm so sorry."</p><p>Arin laughs a little. "You're fine, dude," he promises, giving Dan's hand a squeeze. "I mean I can see why you'd just assume based on all the shit I've ever said, especially on Game Grumps, but uh, yeah, I'd never blown a guy before you and I've never actually fully had anal sex with another guy yet, so, like... I dunno." Arin pauses. "Although..."</p><p>Dan looks at him with raised eyebrows. "Although?"</p><p>"It's obviously different, but I've been pegged before so I mean... I can imagine it's the same thing- same feeling, anyway. You know, it's all probably even kinda like what we did last night, when you fucked me with that dildo. I'd assume it feels all the same."</p><p>Dan blinks. "Wait a minute," he says, stopping Arin from saying anything else. "You've been pegged? That's like when a girl fucks you with a strap-on, right?" At Arin's nod, Dan blinks again. "I should've guessed you and Suzy would've done that at least once, especially after how I saw you taking that toy last night, but somehow I just assumed you knew what you were doing and how you liked it because you fucked a guy. But you didn't. I don't know why I didn't even think of pegging."</p><p>Arin shrugs. "Well, anyway- bottom line is that you shouldn't be as nervous now that you know that I'm kind of in the same fuckin' boat as you and we'll share the first experience."</p><p>Dan exhales, seeming a bit more relaxed than before. "Yeah."</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>happy birthday to Danny !!! sorry if this chapter ended kinda weird lmaoooo idk why i cut it off right there</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nsfw warning !!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the ride is quiet until they pull into Arin's driveway, making sure there's still enough room for Suzy's car to pull in. Arin shuts off the car and reaches over to open his door, but Dan stops him.</p><p>"Wait," the older man says, pulling Arin closer to him the best he can while they're in their seats and the console is between them. He leans over it and Arin meets him halfway as their lips connect. When Dan pulls back, he wets his lips. "Okay, now let's fuckin' head inside before I lose my mind. It's getting hard to keep my hands to myself."</p><p>They get out and head up to the front door quickly, Arin's hands shaking as he tries to unlock the door quick enough, as if they'll lose the moment if he doesn't. He gets it open and steps inside just as quickly, turning around as soon as Dan closes the door only to be met with another kiss.</p><p>Dan shrugs off his nice leather jacket, letting it fall by their feet before he gently moves forward until Arin's back is against the wall by the coat rack. The younger of the two sighs deeply, his hands on the back of Dan's neck and his fingers tangled up in the older man's wild curls.</p><p>Dan kisses away from Arin's lips, moving down to the side of his neck. Arin tilts his head a little, his hands sliding down to Dan's shoulders and chest. He pushes Dan away slightly, swallowing.</p><p>"Are you really sure you want to go all the way?" he asks, because he has to be sure. He doesn't think that Dan is ready, as much as Arin wants him to be, yet Dan seems to want to jump right into things so easily now, unlike before when he was hesitant.</p><p>Maybe he's scared that if he doesn't, he'll lose Arin, which would prove that he really didn't want to break up after all, but... in any case, the younger man wouldn't leave him over that. He wouldn't leave Dan over anything.</p><p>"I'm sure," Dan replies after a moment of quiet. Arin gives him a curious sort of look, like he's trying to make sure without pressing the matter further. Dan allows himself to smile and Arin returns it, linking their fingers. "I really am sure, Ar. I promise. I've had plenty of time to back out if I wasn't. I really do want you- all of you, even if I'm scared and even if part of me thinks it's a little weird sometimes. Deep down I know it's not, and so... I love you and I want you, Arin, and I plan to actually show it instead of just saying it, like I have been."</p><p>The younger of the two looks at the older thoughtfully, his heart swelling up with all love he feels for him. Arin finds himself squeezing Dan's fingers before he lets go.</p><p>"Why don't we take this upstairs then?" he whispers and Dan bites down on his own lip with a nod, reaching down to pick up his jacket off the floor, instead hanging it up on the coat rack. He takes off his shoes after he steps away from Arin, who, after Dan stands upright again, takes him by the hand once more and leads him through the kitchen, where the cats are busy eating, and then takes him up the stairs. Instead of turning to the left and entering the guest bedroom, they bypass it completely and Dan is taken into Arin and Suzy's bedroom.</p><p>Arin moves over to the lamp by the bed and turns it on as Dan stands awkwardly by the doorway. He doesn't stay there for long because Arin comes back over to him and pushes him against the slightly open door, closing it completely. Dan's breath catches in his throat as Arin kisses him deeply- it's so different not being the one in control like he normally is, though he doesn't think it's a bad kind of different.</p><p>Arin's hands find the backs of Dan's thighs and suddenly the older man is off of the ground, mostly held up by Arin's body pressing his into the door. Dan lets out a noise of surprise and then Arin lifts him a little higher, readjusting. When Arin's sure he's got him, he moves away from the door, holding Dan up all by himself.</p><p>"Whoa," Dan murmurs as he breaks the kiss, holding onto Arin's shoulders. "I didn't know you'd be able to fuckin' fully pick me up like this."</p><p>"You're not all that heavy to me, dude," Arin says with a shrug, kissing Dan once more. He lowers the older man down onto the bed until Dan's trapped beneath him, his hand moving from Dan's thigh up to his hip.</p><p>Once Arin kisses his neck, Dan reaches up and starts to undo the buttons on Arin's shirt. Arin stops him about halfway with a hand around his wrist which he quickly pins up by Dan's head.</p><p>"Hey," Arin utters suddenly, a serious look in his eyes. Dan stops anything he's doing, breathing heavily as he waits for Arin to finish speaking. "Please- please tell me if something is too much for you or if I start going too far and shit, okay? I don't want you to be uncomfortable because of me, even if you're ready for this."</p><p>Dan chews on his lip, nodding wordlessly. Arin releases his wrist and Dan takes the free second he has to push Arin over and pin him down, holding his wrists in place instead. The younger man looks up at Dan before the older leans down and reconnects their lips once again.</p><p>Dan eventually lets Arin's wrists go and sits upright, reaching down to undo his own belt. Arin sits up a little also, leaning back on his forearms as he watches Dan's quick fingers unbuckle the belt and then pop open the button on his jeans.</p><p>Dan's hands then move to the bottom of his shirt and he pulls it up and over his head, letting it fall onto the floor. Arin's eyes take him in once again just like last time- he doesn't think he could get tired of seeing Dan like this.</p><p>The younger man's hands move up and across Dan's stomach, over the older's bare chest and through the small patch of curls there. His thumbs find Dan's nipples and he rubs them gently in a circular motion. Dan shivers a little at the feeling, goosebumps spreading across his skin like wildfire. He gasps when Arin stops rubbing, pinching the rosy brown buds between his thumb and forefinger instead and twisting a little.</p><p>"Fuck," Dan says a bit loudly, biting down hard on his bottom lip after to quiet himself. Arin leans forward, his one hand slipping around to the small of Dan's back, his mouth taking over where his right hand had been on Dan's left nipple. He sucks on it, letting his tongue swirl around and flick the nub back and forth as his fingers dig into the flesh of Dan's back to pull him closer.</p><p>Arin's teeth graze across the sensitive bud, nibbling on it gently. Dan's fingers grasp at Arin's hair and he tugs on the strands tightly, his hips almost automatically grinding against the younger man's stomach.</p><p>Arin removes his mouth and admires how red Dan's nipple has become. Dan bends down the best he can and captures Arin's parted lips (which are also a nice shade of red now) with his own, his tongue darting inside when he deepens the kiss. Arin lets his fingers get tangled in Dan's curls once more, pulling him closer.</p><p>Dan breaks the kiss by pushing Arin down so that he's flat on his back. Arin looks up at the older man until he gets up off of the bed to finish getting his jeans off, leaving him in just his boxers. Arin admires Dan's body for as long as he can before Dan sits down in between his clothed thighs, running his hands over them, going up and over Arin's hip bones and underneath his shirt.</p><p>"You want me to help you get your clothes off?" Dan asks lowly, his fingers moving towards Arin's belt buckle and resting on it. With a nod from his boyfriend, Dan undoes the belt and then the button and zipper, so Arin lifts his hips off of the bed and lets Dan pull off his nice pants. They go right on the floor with Dan's clothes.</p><p>Dan then reaches for the buttons on the front of Arin's dress shirt, undoing them one by one, exposing Arin's bare chest to the slightly chilly air. When the front of the shirt is completely open, Dan leans down to pepper partially wet kisses to his skin, from the waistband of his boxers up to his nipples. He takes one into his warm mouth, causing Arin to shiver.</p><p>When the younger has had enough attention on him, he gently rubs Dan's shoulder. "Lemme suck you off," he says, watching as Dan lifts his head. "Just warn me before you come so that I can stop."</p><p>The older man nods and licks his lips, moving so that Arin can sit up and climb off the side of the bed and onto the floor. Dan rids himself of his underwear and then moves over so he's sitting on the edge of the mattress with Arin kneeling in front of him, watching as the younger runs his hands up Dan's legs and then spreads them slowly.</p><p>Arin leans forward without hesitation and kisses from Dan's knee, up his inner thigh and over to his hardened cock. Arin lets his fingers wrap around it before he moves and lets the head slide between his lips, his tongue coming into contact with the tip. Dan fidgets, his fingers tightening in the blankets.</p><p>Arin doesn't play around for long, his mouth sliding down and taking in as much as he can. Dan swallows, Arin's sudden new confidence surprising him. He lets out a quiet groan, trying as hard as he can to just keep his hips still.</p><p>Arin doesn't take his time, bobbing his head quickly and trying to get Dan close without making him come. When the older man does actually get close, his whole body gets tense and he gently tries to push Arin back by his shoulder. He gets the hint and pulls his mouth off of Dan's cock, looking up at him.</p><p>"Sorry, I almost got fuckin' carried away for a second there," the younger of the two utters with a chuckle. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and uses Dan's thigh to help him get up off of the floor. Dan reaches forward, his hands finding Arin's hips and he pulls him close, once again kissing the exposed skin of his torso. Arin runs his fingers though Dan's hair, tucking a few stray curls behind his ear.</p><p>Dan's eyes flicker up to meet Arin's. "Fuck, I think I'm ready," he murmurs against the younger's skin, leaving another kiss behind. "Are you?"</p><p>"Yeah, definitely, man," Arin replies with a grin, his thumb brushing against Dan's cheekbone. "Can't you tell?" The younger then brings his hand down and takes Dan's in his own, moving it from his hip over to his clothed, erect cock. He sighs deeply at the touch and Dan bites his lip, his eyes focused elsewhere now.</p><p>"Do you wanna go ahead and lie down then?" he asks, eyes shifting back up to Arin's face, though his hand doesn't move from Arin's bulge.</p><p>Arin gives a quick nod and then they're pulling away from each other and moving around until they're comfortable- Arin lying back with his knees bent and his head on the pillows, and Dan sitting in front of him, between his ankles, one of his hands resting on one of Arin's knees.</p><p>"So um," Dan starts again, his fingers drumming on his own thigh nervously, "You know I've never done anal in my life and I probably look and sound like an idiot right now, but how the fuck do we start? Aren't I supposed to prep you or something so it doesn't hurt?"</p><p>"Yeah," Arin responds, his hands playing with his own hair. "You could. Or I could, it doesn't matter. Either way, yes, I need to be prepped first."</p><p>"Well, do you want me to do it?" Dan inquires anxiously, swallowing. "Or would you rather do it? I'm... I'm okay with either."</p><p>Arin shrugs. "I mean, you can, if you want to. It's easier and more comfortable and shit for me that way anyway." He then sits up a little and reaches into one of the drawers in the night table by the bed, moving things around until he finds the lube which he then passes to Dan before lying back again. "It's just like fingering a girl."</p><p>Dan seems to relax at that. "Okay," he says, breathing deeply before he opens up the bottle, but then he stops. "So my fingers aren't gonna hurt you, right? Like am I super worried for nothing?"</p><p>"You're not gonna fuckin' hurt me, dude, don't worry," Arin sighs, trying to reassure the older man. He lifts up his hips and quickly gets his boxers off before throwing them on the floor, leaving him fully naked like Dan. "And if for some reason it really does hurt me, I'll tell you. Now, do you want to use a condom?"</p><p>Dan bites his lip, hesitating. "Um, we probably should, right? Like it's not like I don't fuckin' trust you and you know you can trust me but it's better to be safe than sorry, don't you think? Uh... either way, whatever you want to do, dude."</p><p>"I'm okay with using one," Arin replies before reaching into the drawer where he got the lube to get a condom. He passes it over to Dan before he makes a gesture to it. "I'm pretty sure that's one of the textured ones."</p><p>Dan simply looks down at the packaging, a blank expression on his face. "Oh, neat."</p><p>Arin lets out a breath and then lies back down, laughing a bit awkwardly. "Why don't we get to it then?" he suggests, reaching over for a pillow to stuff underneath his lower back to elevate his hips. He settles down when he gets it in place, spreading his thighs for his boyfriend. "Just lube up your fingers and slip them in, man. That's it."</p><p>Dan nods, remembering that the bottle is opened already. He drizzles some of the liquid onto his fingers, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He uses his thumb to coat three of his fingers completely before he closes the cap on the bottle and sets it down beside him. He slowly moves his hand between Arin's thighs and then lower, stopping when his fingers brush against the younger's tender asshole, which he can feel fluttering at the touch. He lets his fingers circle around it, but not go in.</p><p>"Are you- are you ready?" he questions, wanting to make sure, but also stalling. His heart is pounding and he wants to calm down a bit, but he isn't sure how.</p><p>Arin hums in response, his toes curling a little. Dan wets his lips and then gives another nod, this one shakier than the last. Steadying his hand, he gently eases one finger inside, surprised at how tight it is. Arin looks unfazed for the most part, even as Dan pulls it out a little, thrusts it back in and wiggles it around, but the younger is definitely experiencing some discomfort. Probably because his asshole is still sore and he's still all achy.</p><p>Dan adds a second finger already, knowing that Arin can take it now. When it's all the way in, he curls the both of them inside of the younger man and then uncurls them.</p><p>Arin sighs deeply, running a hand through his hair. It's so quiet other than the squelching of the lube which makes Arin want to either laugh or cringe a little.</p><p>"Um, while you've got your fingers inside of me, make like... a scissor motion with them," he tells the older man, feeling Dan immediately do so. Arin's fingers grab tightly onto the blanket beneath him, his thighs trembling already. "Yep, just like that."</p><p>Dan slowly but surely gets works on stretching him enough, so much so that he can easily fit in a third finger after only a minute or two passes. He can feel Arin's hole tightening around his digits and can't help imagining that feeling on his cock. It's a bit distracting and he loses himself in the thought, but never once stops fingering Arin during it all.</p><p>After a few more thrusts of three fingers, Dan can't take it anymore and slips them out. "That should be good, right?" he asks breathlessly, wiping his fingers on the blanket. Arin grins at him and how eager he is and watches as the older man gets the condom open and then puts it on. Arin passes him back the bottle of lube that had been on the other side of the bed, so Dan mumbles his thanks and squirts some into his hand.</p><p>After he gets his cock all lubed up, he once again wipes his hand and then focuses on Arin. Scooting forward so that he's between Arin's thighs, he positions himself at the younger's asshole. Arin lets himself relax the best he can, holding up one of his legs to give Dan better access to him.</p><p>Dan takes a deep breath before he eases the tip of his cock inside and then stops. That's all it takes to get his head spinning. Obviously he's had sex before, but somehow it's different to him and not just because it's not with a girl. Maybe Arin has something to do with it. Either way, all the nervousness Dan had felt just sort of melts away and he waits for Arin's nod before slipping the rest of his cock inside of his boyfriend.</p><p>Ah yes, his boyfriend. The one he's finally having sex with. Dan never thought this would happen, but he's not going to complain. Especially not now, with Arin's head tilted back and his pretty lips parted, his long hair strewn across the pillow, his cock standing upright, his eyes shut tight and his tiny hole squeezing around Dan's own cock even tighter than that. His fingers are digging into the bed and his toes are curling and all Dan can do is try to catch his breath and try to hold still. Fuck, what a sight Dan's boyfriend is.</p><p>When Arin looks up at him and gives another nod, Dan swallows and gently pulls out a little before he thrusts back in so easily that it almost surprises him. He can tell that Arin is trying to keep himself relaxed and open to help with any discomfort or pain he's feeling, and all that Dan can really do now is just fuck him until he finds the spot he knows will make Arin feel good.</p><p>Dan glides out and thrusts back in again, Arin's eyes on him. He does it again and again, quicker each time until he reaches a steady, somewhat slow rhythm. Arin's hand releases his leg and finds Dan's shoulder, moving up to let his thumb brush against Dan's cheek. The older man leans into it, pressing a kiss to Arin's palm, his eyes never leaving the younger at all.</p><p>Dan feels Arin starting to fidget and jerk at first, and then he moves the other's leg up until it's resting on his shoulder and he can thrust in deeper. Arin tenses up when Dan can easily hit his prostate, groaning. "Fuck," he says, and Dan's giggling at him, breathing heavily.</p><p>"Found it," the older of the two responds, and Arin finds himself chuckling along until Dan thrusts into that spot for a second time- he cuts himself off with a low moan which has Dan smiling. "Yeah, I uh, I definitely found it."</p><p>Arin rolls his eyes, but he grins. "Oh, just shut up and fuckin' kiss me."</p><p>So Dan does, slowing his thrusts a little more so that he can kiss the younger properly (even though it means the latter is bent in half). Arin sighs into the kiss, his fingers reaching up to play with Dan's hair a bit.</p><p>Dan breaks the kiss and thrusts deeply and quickly without warning. Arin almost cries out at the feeling, the pleasure scattering across his body in waves and nearly making him feel queasy. Dan repeats it over and over- quick and deep and sharp thrusts to Arin's prostate that makes the younger feel like crying from how good it is. He reaches down to touch himself and Dan finds his eyes following Arin's movements.</p><p>It surprises the both of them when Arin comes first, mostly because of how sudden it is. Dan fucks him through his orgasm and after, leaving him overstimulated and tense as he finally calms down, the pleasure fading away. It almost hurts, but Arin doesn't mind- he lets Dan use him to finish himself off. He actually finds himself liking it despite any discomfort he feels.</p><p>It takes a bit before Dan finally comes, groaning lowly, his cock buried deep inside of Arin. He collapses on top of the younger, trying to catch his breath. His heart's pounding, his arms are aching and he's feeling super tired all of a sudden.</p><p>Arin gently combs through Dan's hair with his fingers, the older's head resting on his shoulder. His cock is still inside of him, pulsating, and as much as Arin would love to be fucked again like this by Dan, he's a little too tired now. He taps Dan's shoulder before the older man falls asleep and Dan lifts himself up, easily slipping his cock out of Arin's hole. He gets the condom off and tosses it in the trash before lying down beside the younger instead of on top of him, breathing heavily.</p><p>"That was..." Dan starts, pushing his hair out of his face as he looks up at the ceiling.</p><p>"Dude, I know," Arin replies, raising his hips to pull the pillow out from underneath himself. "I'm glad we finally did that. Like for real. It's about fuckin' time."</p><p>Dan chuckles. "Oh, yeah, absolutely," he agrees fondly, reaching for Arin's hand. "I'm glad too. Honestly, I don't feel bad at all and it's fuckin' great. I'm not ashamed and like... I don't regret anything. I just feel... I dunno, good."</p><p>"Yeah," Arin sighs with a nod. "I know what you mean, man; I feel good too. It was way better than it had been with the fuckin' toy and I think I'm really gonna be feeling that tomorrow when we go into the office. I'll try my best not to slip up and complain about it on the show, though."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Dan murmurs, his heartbeat finally slowing down. Arin only shakes his head.</p><p>"Don't be," he says simply, running a hand through his hair as he looks over at Dan. "It's a small fuckin' price to pay to get to be that intimate and that close to you. I, um... I'm glad we did this."</p><p>Dan looks back at him at that, something in his eyes behind the surprised look that tells Arin that he's touched. Though when he speaks, all that comes out is, "Shut up, you sappy bastard."</p><p>They share a laugh and Dan leans over to press a kiss to Arin's shoulder, his fingers gently moving across the younger man's chest. Arin kisses his forehead and they lay there for just a moment to enjoy the quiet and bask in the afterglow.</p><p>That is, before they both have to move to get up. As much as they want to relax and fall asleep, they need to throw the blanket and the pillowcase in the wash, maybe even take a shower, and move to the guest bedroom before Suzy gets home.</p><p>As Dan starts getting the water warm in the shower, Arin takes care of switching out the blanket and pillowcase with fresh ones. With the wash started, he joins Dan in the bathroom.</p><p>They don't stay in for long- both too exhausted and Arin's legs feeling too much like jelly to keep him standing. Once out, they dry off at the very least and stumble into the guest bedroom bare naked, moving over to the bed to slip under the covers and lie down.</p><p>Dan's head rests on Arin's chest, his hand lying comfortably on the younger man's stomach. They talk quietly for a little bit until Arin falls asleep and Dan is left looking up at the ceiling, his eyes heavy. He eventually drifts off also to the sound of Arin's heart beating steadily in his chest.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>just one chapter left!</p><p>edit: fixed the chapter title being incorrect !</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. 28</h2></a>
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    <p>"Welcome back to Game Grumps."</p><p>Arin takes a sip of his drink after speaking, looking over at Dan to get him to fill the silence since he himself can't at the moment.</p><p>"Yeah, welcome back," the older man says with a bright smile directed at his boyfriend. "I'm not exactly sure what we're playing today but I think it's a multiplayer game, right? I don't know, I just know I haven't played it before. Isn't this like another fuckin' golf game or some shit?"</p><p>"Yeah, baby, you bet," Arin replies after he swallows, passing one of the controllers to Dan. The older shakes his head but he's smiling, and he takes the controller from Arin's hands quickly. They go to the customization screen and Arin gives Dan a look. "Okay, so- we have to pick the color of our balls, Dan."</p><p>"Yes, Arin, I'm seeing this." Dan laughs and chooses a dark blue color while Arin goes for a soft pink. "I really don't know what you were getting at right then so honestly I'm just fuckin' confused at this point."</p><p>Arin huffs, but he isn't seriously annoyed. "You just don't understand me, man," he murmurs, shaking his head disappointedly before he changes the way his voice sounds for the bit. "You never understand what I'm going through, Mom! Ugh, like, oh my god, whatever. It's not 'just a phase'. Literally this is my life."</p><p>Dan chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Well, anyway... I hope the controls aren't too janky on this game. It's already shitty as it is."</p><p>Arin tuts. "How do you know it's shitty if you've never played it before, huh? Something isn't adding up, Daniel."</p><p>Dan gestures to the screen. "I mean, just look at it," he argues, waving his hand around for effect. The graphics certainly aren't the best and the physics are pretty awful too. "And hey, if something isn't adding up here it's your fuckin' sass, dude. What the hell is with you today?"</p><p>"I don't know!" Arin exclaims, bursting out into laughter until he starts coughing. "Fuck, I dunno, man, I'm just feeling pretty competitive today."</p><p>"Aren't you always competitive though?"</p><p>Ignoring that, Arin grins. "Hey, hey, why don't we make this more interesting?" he suggests, and Dan doesn't like that mischievous look in his eyes and in his tone. He looks at Arin out of the corner of his eye before he says anything back.</p><p>"Hm, interesting how?" the older man replies cautiously, a little intrigued.</p><p>"Mmm," Arin hums with a slight smirk, "How about the loser sucks the winner's dick? Does that sound fair to you, Danny?"</p><p>"Oh my god, of course you would fuckin' suggest that. You know what? Whatever, dude, hope you're okay with sucking my dick then because I'm not losing."</p><p>Dan knows for sure that Arin is, in fact, perfectly okay with sucking him off. So much so that he might actually lose on purpose, though Dan has a good feeling Arin would still do it anyway, even if he won.</p><p>He can tell that Arin is getting a little antsy- they've been so busy with things as of late that they haven't had too much time with each other in general, let alone enough time for intimacy and dates and sex. At this point, Dan is willing to bet that Arin will do just about anything.</p><p>"Well I'm not losing either," the younger man states, sounding pretty confident. Dan chuckles and Arin finally starts the game up, and since he's player one, he gets to go first.</p><p>"So then what?" Dan finds himself asking after a moment, just to ask and not because he's that curious about the answer. "What happens if we fuckin' tie or something?"</p><p>Arin shrugs, casually taking his turn before he looks at Dan and waggles his eyebrows. "Guess we'll be sixty-nining."</p><p>Dan almost chokes, reaching over to shove Arin a little. "Shut the fuck up."</p><p>Arin's getting a bit close to saying too much, but then again Dan knows that this is pretty normal for them- talking like this. Before, however, it was played off as a joke but now it's all real and they actually mean the shit they say and knows that the other is aware of it; if Arin loses, he will actually drop to his knees and suck Dan's dick after the game. There's nothing stopping him like there would have been months ago.</p><p>"Okay, then how's this-" Arin starts suddenly as if he's got a new plan. Dan looks over at him once again before he looks back at the screen to take his turn. "We'll just like... ditch the dick-sucking thing at least, but if I win, you have to kiss me instead. Deal?"</p><p>Dan shakes his head at his boyfriend but he's smiling. "Hm, maybe, but what about if I win?"</p><p>Arin thinks it over. "Whatever you want, dude. If you're able to win, then you can tell me what that is." Dan playfully rolls his eyes at the 'if you're able to win' part, but he nods.</p><p>The game goes fine and is over before they know it- Dan beats Arin by two points. It wasn't like Arin didn't try at all, but Dan could tell that he stopped trying to win around the last three holes or so, though the older man isn't exactly sure why. Arin sits back and claps for him as their scores are displayed, looking over at the older with a straight face.</p><p>"Great job, man. You beat me. Somehow I really thought you'd lose."</p><p>Dan grins widely. "So now I get whatever I want?" he questions, just to be sure. His hand finds Arin's thigh and the younger man looks at him, biting on his lip.</p><p>"Yep, whatever you want," he confirms. Dan laughs to clear the tension, so Arin decides to wrap things up. "Well anyway, next time on Game Grumps. Whatever multiplayer game we play next I'll be sure not to lose, but today Dan won fair and square, so..."</p><p>"It'd be fun to play checkers again," Dan says with a content sigh. Arin groans and Dan finds himself giggling. "Anyway, bye."</p><p>Arin writes down the stop time for the episode and then stops the recording for now, making his way back to Dan. The older man pats his lap and Arin hesitates before he gently lowers himself so that he's straddling his boyfriend, his knees on either side or Dan's hips.</p><p>"I'm not too heavy?" Arin wonders aloud and Dan shakes his head, his hands moving to Arin's lower back. "Are you sure? I don't wanna fuckin' crush you, dude."</p><p>"You're fine," Dan insists, pressing a kiss to Arin's jaw. "So I think that I've decided what I want for winning the game."</p><p>"Mhm," Arin hums, finding himself relaxing more and more with every kiss that gets pressed to his neck and jawline. "And what would that be, Danny?"</p><p>"You," the older replies as Arin had suspected he would, his words muffled by the younger man's skin. "Right here, just like this." He pauses and kisses Arin on the lips before speaking again. "I also wanna fuckin' go out on another date with you. I know we've been busy as of late and I know the last date didn't go so well, so I thought that we could go to someplace where we wouldn't be recognized and do something fun, you know? What do you think?"</p><p>"Hell yeah, dude," Arin answers with a wide grin. "I'm honestly down with anything as long as you're completely okay with it."</p><p>Dan's face lights up and to Arin, it makes losing the stupid game absolutely one hundred percent worth it. Dan presses another kiss to the scar on Arin's forehead and holds him close.</p><p>Things are quiet for a moment until Arin speaks up.</p><p>"I love you," he tells him, his eyes locked onto Dan's and his voice soft and... he just really fucking means it. Dan has done so much for him- he's still trying to get used to everything just for Arin and it really makes the younger man's heart feel like it's going to explode but in the best way possible. He's glad that Dan hasn't given up on him yet, he's glad that Dan even gave him a chance in the first place. Who knows how things would've been if Arin had never told Dan how he'd felt? Arin's so fucking glad that he took that risk and just kissed him and that it all worked out like it did in the end.</p><p>The older man presses a kiss to the younger's lips, lingering there for a moment until he breaks it. Arin sighs out, not expecting Dan to say anything back, but he's surprised when he does.</p><p>"I love you too, big cat. So fucking much."</p><p>Dan smiles and so does Arin, the older man's thumb brushing across the younger's cheekbone. There's something in his eyes now, something that has Arin's heart racing, leaving him feeling absolutely breathless...</p><p>And leaving him feeling like he's falling even more in love with Dan than Arin thinks is actually possible.</p><p>-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the end.</p><p>thank you for reading, and thank you to everyone who left me constant support on this and made me feel better about posting it when i was originally so nervous! i love you all &lt;3</p><p>i currently don't have any more plans for another egobang at this time, but i'm currently writing stuff for bnha if anybody is interested in that! if not, that's fine too (':</p><p>anyways, bye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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